The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

[lubeybooby]

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

I agree 100% Milk... A friendly someone to go for a drink and have a laugh with. One of my female acquaintances has a good deal going with her FWB and I asked her what made it work well for her. She said the main benefit she wanted was the friend part, and any other benefits flowed from there.

The whole FWB thing is so tricky to work out though isn't it? Well done to your friend for getting it to work for her.

I had to stop sleeping with my FWB because I like him so much it's just too painful Now we try to be friends, but half the time I want to punch him in the face for not wanting me like I do him.

But really, I think about how many men I meet in real life who have no ability to carry on a conversation, or act like a human being. So I don't know why I'm so surprised it's the same online!

Present company excepted of course Poppa!

Well my chap has been a perfect gentle man so far so good and we are meeting tomorrow. I have had some ridiculous emails on pof, and Okc, that have obviously resulted in being blocked/deletd. Stupid men, that doesnt impress me!

Really nervous about tomorrow, but hopefully will have some fun!

Milk - yeah, men can be idiots, dont give them the benefit of the doubt , you owe them nothing. Im usually talking to 15 or so at any time, out of that maybe one will get a date, which im most likely to cancel because he says something stupid. Thing is to talk to a lot of people, its just talking... and go from there.

Adams - how you feeling today?

little - so, what are you going to do tomorrow?

I have pencilled in plans for wed with the surfer, i say pencilled in as i have a feeling/ know he is not the most reliable of people. I would not date him at all... but sex wise i think its worth another go, lots of potential and worth the few bruises and friction burns i seem to have got ( always a sign it was good sex, when you are covered in friction burns and bruises!)

So - friday night was werid, i got a call from A, who i was messing about with last summer... normal, hello, how are you plesantries out of the way and i asked why he was calling me, he said he didnt really know only that he couldnt stop thinking about me wanted to know how i was etc...etc.. just bullshit really. been constanty bombarded of messages from him since. Anyway, i asked him why he hadnt wanted to date and he explanied why, which was very interesting and explains alot, though quite what i can do about it im not sure. He also explained why those reasons make me so very attractive and why he cant let me go - the fact he has a gf... makes him a knob though, but then again i already knew that.

Also - you know the one i was going to see for the rum fueled weekend. yeah, well i didnt go,but hes been back in daily contact, ( i can get why now thanks to the above) and is begging me to spend some time with him. I am as yet undecided.

And thats it. not on any dating sites for the momment.....

Hi Watch, I managed to drag myself out yesterday and had a fun day with family, bought some expensive, fabulous new shoes, bit on the small size (3) but they are court shoes so best that they fit snuggly. I am really not that much into shoes but I had a windfall and was told to buy something frivilous, oh and spent the rest on wine!

Need advice and quickly. He stopped contacting me after being in touch daily, it's been a week so I presumed he had lost interest. He just text me. Sorry he hasn't text, we need a catch up. Trying to decide how to reply. A telling off or pretend I'm not bothered? What do you think.

I think FWB is a misnomer really. I refuse to label us as such as friends don't usually feel put out when one side doesn't get in touch for a week.

Meant to ask Watch, are you on a fetish site finding all these men with huge wangers . You know me and that I speak my mind and I hope you are strong enough to be OK with the casual stuff.

Gosh, sorry about missing the bit about A. Is he someone you used to date? I would only meet as platonic friends, if he still has a girlfriend. Depends how you feel about him, go with your gut instinct.

adams - id reply, and give him an earful, but then again im hot headed :) you dont seem to be the person who holds your punches, so be honest with him, you are a bit fucked off, and ask what the score is? its been a while... its clearly been more than FWB, so what does he want ( and, more importantly, what do you want?)

lol, im not on a fetish site, ive just had a run of luck, hahaha, or not, depending on what way you look at it.

Im fine with casual stuff. Just casual is fine, relationships are fine. What i am not fine with is people pretending to like you and making up crap just to get in your knickers, like the teacher and snapes latest one. Nothing makes me see red more than that. I would far rather somone be honest enough, and i can be honest to fuck and go, than to mess about with peoples feelings. To me, that actually shows more respect than men taking the route the teacher and snapes one took, thats just cowardly, and lying and awful. Those are the times when ive ended up hurt and feeling rubbish, not after having casual sex with somone who shows me enough respect to be honest with me, and nor is offended when i am honest back.

i was fwb with A last summer, i dont fancy him, he has a gf of about 8 months and its serious. im not going there. he was then one that send me a cock pic in dec... and who i had a massive go at about it. I know hes coming onto me... im just not quite sure of his motives. That being said we have a very strong sexual connection... but im also a girl of morals, inspite of my likeness for casual sex, and i wouldnt in his current situation.

We are going for a drink, which of course is perfect cos neither of us can drink! Really looking forwards to it. Makes a nice change to be asked out.....so excited and feel like a teenager all over again! Hopefully things will start going right!

Not ALL men are idiots, just a good few!

I'm still thinking about what I want really. I know I don't want a full on relationship and was happy with just dating regularly. His silence has annoyed me mainly because I thought he didn't want the same and I wouldn't see him again.

Yes, I can see how a totally honest approach about it being casual would work out as long as it's what you both want, that's the key for any sucessful pairing really .

Mylittle, hope the date goes well.

Thank you. Should do, on paper it seems we match really well....but you never know!

Then you need to say that to him. Its unfair for him to be pulling all the strings, and to leave you dangling like that, and then expect you to come running after one text.
I would find that offensive and a little bit patronising really. See- and thats where the bit about being honest comes in :)

You have know him for ages, and he knows you like him, and have been regulary dating for a while, its disrespectful for him to be so dismissive of you like that.

Casual is good for me right now. All i want is regular, awesome sex, with somone fun to hang out with whos a bit hot ( and when i want) selfish or not, thats how it is. Im not closed off to the idea that i might want something more at somepoint, but right now, thats all i want. I certainly wouldnt want to date the surfer.

mylittle - i hope it goes well, just be warned, on paper matching is very very different to real life matching :)

I've replied in a rather sarcastic manner. He won't be keeping me dangling again.

good for you.
Just because hes male, and you like him, doesnt give him the carte blanche to treat you like that.

I only met one guy who didnt want to pull strings & leave me dangling, he was very nice but seemed to be looking for something that would progress into a relationship.
I'm currently allergic to relationships so it wasnt going to fly.

I suspect that many people have traditional gender roles too deeply entrenched in their psyche's to make fwb arrangements work in any kind of mutually beneficial way.
That probably includes me..I'm probably not as divorced from convention as I like to think I am

ah, i probably am. Always have been really, tis one of the things that makes me awful to date :)

Size 3! Size 3 adamschic? How tall/short are you? Those are tiny tootsies! :)

I'm usually a 4 and they are a bit of a squeeze but they are for special occasions not for hiking in . I'm only 5ft 2.

Guess it could be one of those 'going into his cave' situations that men like to do. Tbf it was only a week . I know I hate to feel crowded and like my space. Will see what happens.

I dont expect much from our first "meeting" saying it like that makes me less anxious. STUPID STUPID teenage feelings here, but god i need a decent male hug!

Seems it was a little wobble. I might give it another go depends on the level of making up.

perfectly reaosnable chap I've been chatting to from Leeds (safe distance!) has moved to email with an email address that goes [email protected].

I have spent an inordinate amount of time googling and laughing at his prior haircuts. :)

hope everyone else ok - I'm feeling a bit better, blisters are away (apart from beautiful big shiny spot on face, thanks for that... & achy legs. thank you again for all your concerns :) off to PMs tonight for wine and writing.

myLittle report back! report back!

adams life is too short for wobbles. I think it's fine to give one chance, but this shouldn't set a pattern of behaviour.

glad you are ok now snape :)

adanms - i do agree with snape, dont let it set a pattern of behaviour. Once is forgivable, twice isnt.

I dumped the surfer, on reflection there were several things i didnt like. so decided not to do it again.

It's not exactly a serious relationship so I'm fairly laid back about it all but have said not to leave me wondering again. Anyway it's a good thing when you give someone space and they return, according to a mate of mine who has bought every book on the planet, venus and mars, rules etc .

My little, how did it go?

if there was ever a book that deserved to be burnt it's that venus & mars one!
Try deborah cameron 'myth of venus and mars instead'