how could he :(

[chocoraisin]

I've just come 'home' after staying with my parents for a month, having found out about the OW the week after NY. I'm 17 weeks pg, with an 18mo DS.

So I'm back at the place I have shared with H for nearly 4 years, and our neighbours (who are lovely and devastated on mine and DS's behalf) brought me pizza for tea to be supportive. I stupidly asked them if she had been seen here. H has sworn blind he wouldn't do anything in our home. I know I shouldn't have asked, think I was stupid enough to be looking for reassurance.

Apparently they regularly see her leaving in the morning in the month I've been away. AND heard them having sex. My neighbour could have sugar coated it, but to be fair, I asked and she was so embarrassed and upset for me I know it was one of those 'oh god she put me on the spot, crap I'll just blurt it out' moments, not said to hurt me.

We share a one bed flat. He has had sex with her in our bed. Next to our sons cot. Below our wedding photo on the wall. And she knows I'm pregnant.

How could he? Never mind what kind of a skank she must be to be ok with that. He has been texting/calling this month acting like we can be instant best friends... and perfect 'coparents'... but my trust in him is shattered. I hate the thought of being near him. I literally feel sick about having no option but to sleep in that bed tonight.

I don't know what to do :( I just need some hand holding tonight please.

To top it off, DS is exhausted but after a month away won't settle in his cot and just shrieks when I put him down so I'm looking at another long, broken night. 'Daddy' is due to visit tomorrow for his contact time.

I can't believe what's happened to my life :(

I'll PM you hon x

Thanks :)

discredit me and make sure everyone knows what a saint he was

It's par for the course. Called "discard and discredit".

It hurts like hell, yes. But it only shows him up. You KNOW you are better than that! If anything, it shows you who your real friends are.....

Don't rise to the bait. You are doing brilliantly

Great news about DS.

Hope all has settled down now? I only just stumbled across this post, it's all terrible, but to be honest the bit that shocked me the most was the FIL. Is that where ExH gets his sense of inalienable entitlement from? Who on earth does he think he is to warn you? He's hardly a neutral bystander, I would hope for more support from an actual grown-up. Good luck. Hope you and DS had a few relaxing film nights together & a bit of pop corn never goes amiss either does it?!!? xx

Ah wow, I had only noticed the first page of comments for some reason. Read loads more (not all, there's millions of responses!!!!) good greif, he reminds me of my ex in some ways (there's probably a little bit of everyone's ex in that gem of a man!!!). Just wanted to say you sound way cool, absolutely fabulous!

Yay for your DS! I'm so pleased for you, hurrah! And good for you being to together on such a (potentially) emotional trip. I'm so pleased for you :)

What an extraordinary woman you are. Dignity, eloquence, clear headedness. I know you feel that you're a mess, but compared to others in your situation you're unbelievable. What lucky boys you have, and how proud of you they will be.

Such good news re DS. And good for you to go and reclaim a moment in your old town and with old friends.

thank you all you lovely people - I've taken the plunge and created the blog - EEK! please be kind! That is, if you feel like catching up with how we're doing I'll be moving over there this week. No doubt I'll be back here for general chitchat and crisis management though!!

You've all been so incredibly helpful and kind and supportive I really hope that me and my boys carry on an upwards curve now. Thank you so, so much for holding my hand through the worst initial shock. I just don't know what I'd have done without you all x

bear hunts and new beginnings

found you on blog. I do love the way you write.

thanks Jax :)

I second what Jax says

Lovely blog!

it is, isn't it? I'm looking forward to reading about your onwards-and-upwardsy life! And do feel free to come back here for support any time, of course. Just cos this thread is filling up doesn't mean I can't talk nonsense be brilliantly supportive on another thread y'know

I would love for you to start another thread choco. I look in on you every day and love reading your posts and those of your supporters You have come such a long way and I am sure you have been and continue to be inspirational to any lurkers.

:) HUGS - I really hate the thought that there are so many of us who have to figure out this kind of crap. I am truly shocked that it's so unbelievably common for relationships to end like mine has. I hope that when I get a bit further down the line I'll be able to give back some of the hand holding to other people... even though I wish with all my heart that nobody ever has to go through it, I know that others will.

H visited today sweetness and light and sunshine again. I give up trying to figure him out. I put up the badge somebody told me about here(sorry I forget who, but I took it to heart!) I'm sorry, it's my fault, I forgot you were an idiot as my FB profile pic. One of my best friends commented on it - "you spelled C**T wrong".

made me laugh anyway!!

:o:o Your friends comment says it all!

So glad that things are going so much better for you :)

brilliant!

Yay, that was me that recommended the badge! {{proud}} Love your friend's comment.
Racing out now but loking forward to looking at the blog. No need for farewells- I think you'll find that your cheer squad is in it for the long haul.

Found you, said hi & subscribed :) Love your writing, & think you've done amazingly well so far

Oh wow, thank you all so much! It's SO lovely to see you over on the blog :)

I was getting all sad thinking how much I would miss you, so thank you so much for popping by!!

saffron I've had so many comments from friends on that badge now lol, seems to have struck a chord! Thanks for the tip

I've 'moved in' to my parents room as of today, and mum and dad have relocated up to the third floor (it's a cottage not a mansion, promise. The third floor was our kids rooms up in the eves when we were little) so I don't have to climb the stairs any more with my geriatric hips. I feel more settled than I thought I could being in their house, and mum is now talking about saving up my rent so she can re-do a bathroom for them upstairs, so it seems like they're getting used to having us here too! We've all agreed to keep looking for a house, but it has to be the right house in the right place, otherwise I'm staying put. DS adores his nana and grampa too, so I feel really happy he's getting all that extra love.

Speaking of DS, wow am I proud of my little boy. He went into a junior cot-bed last night out of his baby cot, and I braced myself for tears and multiple wakings. He went through for 13 hours! What a champ. Everything feels great when you get some sleep at last. Hope you guys slept well too and don't miss the hour we lost in the night too much x

H just dropped back DS after having him for the morning. Is it stupid that I'm starting to feel really upset that my parents won't acknowledge H at all? They don't say hello or goodbye to him, they act as if he isn't there at all. I know it's horrible, and I know he's behaved apallingly, but if I'm picking up on it and getting upset I imagine DS must realise they don't like his daddy too. I don't know how to broach the subject with them though :( it's their house, and they have done so much for us... I don't want to tell them how to behave, but it does bother me.

In private I still think he's a dick too. But I just don't want DS to feel that when his dad is around :(

hello choco, I too have been silently cheering you on and hope that you will find peace one day.
Re: your parents silent treatment I think that is fine. there are no abusive/snide comments, just silence I take it. If so then I suggest just let that be.
Your ds will have 'picked up' on a lot things including the fact that you no longer live together I think he has to learn the life lesson that not everyone does 'get on' and as long as your parents are being civil well that's fine.
Just one of those things that he will grow up with, hey and you never know shitex (as I interpret stbx) may prove to be a good father and then the relations with your parents will thaw with time.
Going to go and read your blog now!
Good luck and try not to overthink too many things ok

Actually, choco, I think it's quite powerful that your DS doesn't see your H 'getting away with it.' You are being all dignified and good in your dealings with him, but I think it's also ok that in the long run perhaps your H doesn't have an easy/cosy relationship with your parents.

Christ, if someone left a daughter of mine after promising to love and cherish and adore her for ever and ever, and moreover did so while she was pregnant with his second child, he'd be lucky to get away with just brisk silence. I'd be doing all I could not to chew his bloody legs off and beat him to death with them!

This post brought to you by my INCREDIBLE RAGE!

He's not coming in, is he? Is he is, then your parents are being absolute stars. Don't ask any more of them. In fact, I would suggest you don't ask that of them at all, but find some other way of doing handovers. That way your DS won't have to see it at all, much the best thing.