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Original poster

who are these freaks whao have affairs with married men

250 replies

cod · 20/01/2006 12:04

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tortoiseshell · 20/01/2006 13:03

I know someone who broke up a marriage, and it was just awful. She knew about the marriage and children, and just broke it up.

I also don't think it's an excuse if the marriage is in difficulty tbh - it's hardly going to help it if one party has an affair!

NotQuiteCockney · 20/01/2006 13:03

The only way I can see that the "other woman" would have a tenth of the responsibility for an affair that the straying man does, would be if the other woman were a friend or relative of the wife.

Otherwise, yeah, it's wrong to knowingly get involved with a married man, but it's him who's actually breaking vows. And it's his responsibility to keep his penis in his pants, not everyone else's!

WideWebWitch · 20/01/2006 13:04

I agree batters (but am sort of feeling I ought to keep a low profile on this thread, having confessed to having been a mistress as I might be considered to have a vested interest in it not being considered reprehensible for a woman to sleep with a married man). My view at the time and I'm not suggesting it is now entirely my view, but was that I was single and free to do whatever I wanted. It was the man who had made a promise he wasn't keeping. However, I still think my sense of sisterhood should have been a little more, um, developed. If it wasn't me it would be someone else is the line often trotted out to justify these things.

bossykate · 20/01/2006 13:05

agree absolutely batters.

MrsMiggins · 20/01/2006 13:08

I agree with Rhubarb in that its the betrayal of another woman that I dont understand.
Im not saying Im whiter than whiter and have cheated when I was younger BUT noone was married
To me, marriage is a commitment and you should try to make it work.

BUT I can honestly say the person I blame is my H and not her.

However I now find it hard to agree to them playing happy families with our children once a fortnight

I also think that some men have children and realise they dont want all the daily responsibility

I know a couple who enjoy being fortnightly parents - yeah I bet they do !! out on the raz at the weekend, sunday papers etc then happy families the following weekend

whereas the mum is looking after the kids by herself the rest of the time adn then alone once a fortnight

beejay · 20/01/2006 13:11

totally agree www. The person who made their marriage vows to their partner is far more guilty than the other woman/man. I blame my dad far more for having affairs than the women he was having affairs with.

MrsMiggins · 20/01/2006 13:13

yes it is the man to blame but surely that doesnt mean that I can now go out and flirt with married men now Im single?

surely women have to take responsibiltiy and if someone is married, you dont get involved?

myshoes · 20/01/2006 13:14

the woman that had an affair with my husband knew us very well.Don't get me wrong i am more upset with him.But this happened in front off my eyes while it was going on (and i had no idea) she came around more often, she invited us aroud her house when i was on my own so i accepted. She kissed my children even asked me about my sex life.I had been to ann summers parties when we had all had a laugh about what turns our partners on e.c.t

She planned the whole thing.She got us both drunk one night and kissed H when i wasn't around.She kept asking me when i was going away and it was the week after the first event.She waited and thenkept calling him all week.

Yes i feel very betrayed by my H and blame him more because he didn't care enough to say no.I am also a woman who would not steal anyone elses man and expect the same from other women.

lou33 · 20/01/2006 13:14

I've had a married man express interest in me recently, but i keep telling him no

myshoes · 20/01/2006 13:20

It is going to take me longer to ever trust another woman again totally than H. I don't mean another women in his company .Women do confide and support each other and are there in times of need.What mumsnet is all about after all.
But i am gonna find it hard to ever trust a women who says she wants to be my friend again.
I could never hurt a friend

myshoes · 20/01/2006 13:20

I could never of hurt her.In fact her husband came on to me 4 years ago

Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 13:21

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beejay · 20/01/2006 13:21

Much nastier to do this when you know the wife, IMO.
Must admit that I had a brief dalliance with a married man but his wife was in another country and they were officially estranged ( no kids)
Don't feel that proud of myself but I was young and foolish ( and also in a relationship-- does that make it worse??)

WideWebWitch · 20/01/2006 13:22

Cod, do you really think so re your dh? Surely not?

Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 13:23

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Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 13:23

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lou33 · 20/01/2006 13:24

Is there something going on at home between you and your h cod?

Maybe some women use them being married as a reason to have a fling and not allow themselves to get involved or develop feelings?

I think it's unfair to blame just the woman though, these men do have a choice and can say no if they want to. It's not like they have been put under some sort of mind control and they cant help themselves.

hadanaffair · 20/01/2006 13:25

That's why I say that the best thing the wife did in my case was get to know me and become my friend.

It didn't reduce the pain of the break-up, but it did help increase the motivation to succeed in making the break final.

prettyfly1 · 20/01/2006 13:27

that sort of thing is manipulative, but i dont quite gget your post. did he carry it on after the kiss. a drunken kiss is not an affair and he should have told you immediately and left, never having anything to do with her, but if he did continue it after that, although i am sorry for what has happened to you and i think she is a witch for that, he is still the one who betrayed you and is still 100% responsible for his own actions. by that point he knew what she was doing and no is an awfully small word.

the man is always and will always be the one who is the most wrong in this situation. always. sorry but its true. i am not saying that women are blameless but men are not, as they like us to believe, beholden to their penises. nor are they raised with no morals. and no woman is ever irresistable to a man who really wants to resist. i know thats a controversial point and i am sorry because i can only imagine how much pain women who have been betrayed feel but it is always the responsibility of a man at the end of the day!!!

Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 13:27

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NotQuiteCockney · 20/01/2006 13:28

I think if another woman cocked her hat at my DH, he'd fail to notice. He's good like that.

Seriously, since we've been together, there have been a few women chasing after him, and he honestly has never ever noticed.

myshoes, your "friend" sounds unspeakably evil. What she did was just ... gah. Even in my irresponsible single days, I could never have mucked about with a man if I'd met his wife, never mind hung out with her!

Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 13:28

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prettyfly1 · 20/01/2006 13:29

christ, this thread is moving fastmy last message is out of date already. go back about ten minss!!

NotQuiteCockney · 20/01/2006 13:32

Me neither, cod, but I was using your expression: "but if a woman coked her hat at him hed be off".

Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 13:32

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