Found a file saved on Partner's PC

[TwoPeasOnePod]

OK. This happened on 31st dec, been thinking about posting since then to get opinions, seeing as I can't seem to break out of the numb feeling to form one of my own. I am 25, have 2 DD's under 5 with my partner,been together about 7 years now. I am 29 weeks pregnant with our third child. We live together.

Looking through the files hes recently downloaded, whilst he was walking around in the background feeding kids etc,so I wasnt being sneaky, I noticed some general porn saved (an orgy one and a nurse-themed one) He knows it pisses me off, so I deleted them and had a bit of a whinge (not a HUGE deal to me, as our sex life is pretty non-existent due to my anaemia/seem to bleed easily after sex/hip pain)
so a 'normal' wank to a bit of vanilla porn is the best of a shitty deal to me, I feel I cant stop him using it.
Carried on randomly looking, and saw two quite different films saved that hes downloaded- one was titled something like hot german Teenager fisting, and the other was called Real Drugged Rape.
I clicked on it to see what the actual fuck it was, and as the title suggests, it appeared to me to be a young (18 to 20 at a guess) Asian woman in the back of a car, VERY drowsy/almost unconscious, being fondled/exposed/touched by some older man, filming on what appeared to be shaky handheld camera.

I skipped through it, saw a few seconds of the woman face down being raped etcetera. All of which is BURNED into my fucking memory. It pops into my head constantly, it is making me ill with stress.I felt like i was genuinley going to faint, due to shock i think, and utter, utter disgust. And I asked my partner to come and explain it. He said he "downloaded it out of curiosity" and when asked if he finds it in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER a turn-on, he vehemently denied that it is, likening it to watching executions etc that are real and available online (I didn't know he would watch that either!!) I didnt really look at the fisting one, but its the same category, relatively young woman being used and violated.

I said to him that even if the rape one isn't a film of a 'real' rape, the fantasy of raping a very young woman WHO IS FUCKING DRUGGED (or acting?! how the fuck can you know for sure) is completely wrong to me, as a mother if two DDs I cannot tolerate a person who would even look at it just out of curiosity, much less select it, download it, and then keep it. He apologised and said he is stupid, didnt 'think'.

Despite the fact he says he gets nothing sexual out of it, I am obviously not believing that. Why the fuck else would he download it? (thats a genuine question, I cant think of any other reason why, and the resulting congnitive dissonance is making me ill. I dont want to believe it is true, because it will make the imminent birth of my child etc very hard if Im alone.)

So, from a feminist point of view (am trying to use that as an approach to my life, have very low self esteem too) I am thinking I should remove him from mine and my DDs presence, I feel THAT strongly about it. He is otherwise a lovely-seeming person, a bit cold and robotic sometimes but funny, warm, and has what I would previously have described as vanilla tastes re porn, sex etc. He says fisting is normal? I didnt think so, but dont really know in terms of general acceptability.
He certainly hasnt tried to hide it as such,knowing I have free access to his PC, just dont use it. He didnt expect me to fidn it though.Also found that in the fortnight before Xmas he has joined a dating site and a 'sex in the UK' site. When I confronted him, he says it was curiosity again and he would never actually cheat, just clicked links and had a nosy.........

I feel like a total twat, due to give birth soon, and obviously at some point he is probably going to fuck me over. Current emotional situation is totally numb. I havent done anything or said anything conclusive to him about the whole thing because in the past I slept with someone else once, and so am battling with remaining objective. Because till now he hasnt put a foot wrong that I know of. I cannot believe how vulnerable he has made me feel.

Sorry for length of post but trying not to drip feed.

She did want him watching any porn did she? That's the impression that I got, people were saying ALL porn is rape and that all us actresses are coerced into it. I certainly wasn't.

Someone even said "how dare he masturbate openly when you're clearly having self esteem issued" (I've paraphrased). I mean, come on!

spendit .. you're ok with porn you just don't agree with rape porn then? Have you seen the 'fantasy' type rape porn that is around which isn't remotely convincing to anyone with half a brain?

I am sure it gets people off and it's fairly harmless. They are playing out a role, we've all done a bit of role playing before

< gently draws spenditwisely away from the thread, tempting her with hob nobs if need be >

OP would be wise to get this thread deleted now, since it has clearly been hijacked by people doing a lazy google search of key terms, who are wading in with an agenda of their own and have no interest in supporting the OP

I don't think that's entirely fair anyfucker. I was pointed to this thread by a friend of mine due to my... expertise, and wanted to give a bit more balance.

Having read the vast majority of the thread, OP is clearly better off without H, but, the way H was judged so easily in here made me feel I needed to speak out.

Apologies if I've caused any offence.

You are right and fair as ever AF.

This thread is not about pornography, it's about betrayal, it's about love, it's about one man, 2 children and a pregnant woman. It's about the health of the mother and her unborn child and the wellbeing of the other 2 little ones. Nothing more nothing less.

Can we keep to the subject please?

I suspect it is the same person, and think that this thread should be reported.

I am in the middle on this one.

Rape porn does sound pretty sick. I cannot understand how any normal male would want to see someone forced to have sex, even if it is just fantasy. On the other hand, it is just one video. From what I understand people who have that kind of perversion would be more likely to have lots and lots. So, it could just have been curiosity. And, to be fair, the OP did open it "to see what the actual fuck it was", so is she also guilty? I mean, the title did not leave much to the imagination. I cannot imagine opening up a file with that name, it would have been straight into the recycling folder as I have no interest in seeing that kind of thing.

I do have an issue with looking at a relationship "from a feminist point of view" or, for that matter, from any other political point of view. Surely it is better to look at a relationship from one's own point of view. The OP seems to want people to tell her what to do while giving them a strong hint of what she wants to hear.

And, she did have an affair. I would not condemn her for that per se but I would have thought that "people in glass houses" might apply. I think that she should at least offer a discussion to her partner and listen to his explanation with an open mind. I think she had already decided to kick him out and that is her prerogative, but I think that in the various letters that their solicitors will end up exchanging, his rather sick porn habit will be weighed against the OP's inability to, in MN speak, keep her vagina in her pants.

I do think divorcing someone over one sick video (plus some online shennanigans) when you yourself have been physically unfaithful and they have stuck by you is one sauce for the goose and one for the gander. I never quite understand how people can dissolve marriages so lightly, especially where there are children involved. Clearly, posters can never tell the whole story on line but is this really beyond the point of fixability?

"Better he look at porn online than go out raping for real."

Probably not illegal what your dp as done by downloading this material so tell him this needs to be taken up with the police to be sure that what he watched was not a real rape etc
HIs reaction to this should tell you all you need to know about your dd father hope for all your sakes he is just a thoughtless complete selfish dick that needs urgent relationship therapy
If not get him out of your life and quickly

Sounds like a big lack of communication between OP and her bloke.

Sounds like OP has lost trust in her husband because what little comm. there has been has been dismissed as a lie immediately (by her or other MNers).

Talk to him. Ask him what his problems with the relationship are that sees him needing to sign up to online dating sites (main problem here for me, NOT porn), and explain your issues.

Bloody good idea Mrrie, but I think you will find that if the material is abusive, he will be prosecuted for downloading it.

So yes, good idea to get the police to check it out.

Are we sure this is illegal? A lot of these movies are not real but made to look that way. (not excusing )

Police would just caution/have a word.
Forensic exams of pcs are very ££ and IMO would be unlikely to happen.

I thought that recently it was noted than ownership of sniff type movies is not illegal

Andvtbh ownership of one or two is hardly crime of year as far as abusive images is concerned.

^guilty giggle at sniff typo*

Fregley have you discussed any of this with a solicitor?

Mind boggles at 'sniff type movies'. Too much time spent on keyboard.

What the hell's happened to this thread while I was doing school run?! Not got much time as got both DCs but need to make some pertinent points; I haven't got off on the 'rush of checking up on him' whatever that would mean, why would I choose to make myself so stressed at 31wks preg (thread started at 29wks) ?? I wanted to find out everything I could however, to make a balanced decision about what exactly he's been up to, so i can avoid ranting/ hasty decision making/ getting wrong facts etc. hence why Ive been wittering on about remaining objective despite being very shocked/upset. So that also cancels out whichever poster said I'm being hasty in making a decision- not so; he's still here and we are still talking about it (not browbeating him, just discussing what should happen with the lives we've created and our relationship

Loads of posts saying Deleted by Mnet, not sure what I've missed or whats been said but if people think its my P who's found the thread, or someone linked, I suppose thats entirely possible. Not that I have any probs with him reading it in it's entirety; he knows from the first post that I have written on here, no secret about it, I told him the same day.

Not sure how to delete the thread either, for people recommending i should? Sounds crazy but I wouldnt like to lose the good advice and support, but the thought of random rape-advocators freaks me out a lot.

spenditwisely Before you make any further pronouncements, please educate yourself as to current UK law relating to pornographic imagery which I've detailed on pages 6 and 7 of this thread.

As for your assertion that downloading material of this nature will lead to the OP's dp having a 'spell on the sex offenders register'. if that were the case his name will undoubtedly appear in the company of judges, lawyers, police officers, social workers, scientists, teachers, politicians, and others of all walks of life who have accessed and downloaded similar material and worse.

hormone - it isnt - im a police officer - rape porn isnt illegal. im gong to double check tonight.

but for me, if i was living with someone who got off on watching the portrayed rape of women, he would be gone. i wouldnt be able to live with that.

The other that strikes me is that if fruitless to destroy the laptop - that isnt going to make it go away. He will get another lap top - he will just be more clever about hiding what he is doing. He like watching women being raped, it turns him on, ditching the pc isnt going to wipe clean his mind is it?

Also would like to point out Ive never 'banned' him from watching porn, nor am I totally deluded and sheltered with no knowledge of porn. I know he has the right to masturbate, use porn etc, and I do discuss with him my current lack of sex drive, but I will not be told that I should basically 'put up or shut up' or let him fuck someone else, or watch a young woman get raped?! My affair was not sexually motivated, it was because I felt like shit. If he wants someone else, we could split up and I would be adult about it, but he says he doesnt. But that file was not normal porn, I don have to spell it out and I know loads of people would be OK with it, but not me.

Right I have now done some extensive research and found out that if you are into Rape Porn you are committing a criminal offence if

a)you possess the image, are in scotland and the offence (Extreme Pornography they call it) took place anywhere
b)you possess the image, the offence took place in the UK
c)you possess the image, the victim appears to be under 16, anywhere.
d)you publish any image that "whether for gain or not, any content whose effect will tend to "deprave and corrupt" those likely to read, see or hear the matter contained or embodied in it. This could include images of extreme sexual activity such as bestiality, necrophilia, rape or torture.

'Extensive research' in 20 minutes, spenditwisely?

All that your 'extensive research' has revealed is why a little knowledge can be dangerous thing.

Just because a pornographic image is titled 'r a p e' (space added for obvious reasons') does not mean that it portrays images of an actual r a p e as opposed to an enactment.

Those who profit from pornography may be many things but they are rarely stupid enough to transgress the laws of any country in which they make and or market their wares.