Found a file saved on Partner's PC

[TwoPeasOnePod]

OK. This happened on 31st dec, been thinking about posting since then to get opinions, seeing as I can't seem to break out of the numb feeling to form one of my own. I am 25, have 2 DD's under 5 with my partner,been together about 7 years now. I am 29 weeks pregnant with our third child. We live together.

Looking through the files hes recently downloaded, whilst he was walking around in the background feeding kids etc,so I wasnt being sneaky, I noticed some general porn saved (an orgy one and a nurse-themed one) He knows it pisses me off, so I deleted them and had a bit of a whinge (not a HUGE deal to me, as our sex life is pretty non-existent due to my anaemia/seem to bleed easily after sex/hip pain)
so a 'normal' wank to a bit of vanilla porn is the best of a shitty deal to me, I feel I cant stop him using it.
Carried on randomly looking, and saw two quite different films saved that hes downloaded- one was titled something like hot german Teenager fisting, and the other was called Real Drugged Rape.
I clicked on it to see what the actual fuck it was, and as the title suggests, it appeared to me to be a young (18 to 20 at a guess) Asian woman in the back of a car, VERY drowsy/almost unconscious, being fondled/exposed/touched by some older man, filming on what appeared to be shaky handheld camera.

I skipped through it, saw a few seconds of the woman face down being raped etcetera. All of which is BURNED into my fucking memory. It pops into my head constantly, it is making me ill with stress.I felt like i was genuinley going to faint, due to shock i think, and utter, utter disgust. And I asked my partner to come and explain it. He said he "downloaded it out of curiosity" and when asked if he finds it in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER a turn-on, he vehemently denied that it is, likening it to watching executions etc that are real and available online (I didn't know he would watch that either!!) I didnt really look at the fisting one, but its the same category, relatively young woman being used and violated.

I said to him that even if the rape one isn't a film of a 'real' rape, the fantasy of raping a very young woman WHO IS FUCKING DRUGGED (or acting?! how the fuck can you know for sure) is completely wrong to me, as a mother if two DDs I cannot tolerate a person who would even look at it just out of curiosity, much less select it, download it, and then keep it. He apologised and said he is stupid, didnt 'think'.

Despite the fact he says he gets nothing sexual out of it, I am obviously not believing that. Why the fuck else would he download it? (thats a genuine question, I cant think of any other reason why, and the resulting congnitive dissonance is making me ill. I dont want to believe it is true, because it will make the imminent birth of my child etc very hard if Im alone.)

So, from a feminist point of view (am trying to use that as an approach to my life, have very low self esteem too) I am thinking I should remove him from mine and my DDs presence, I feel THAT strongly about it. He is otherwise a lovely-seeming person, a bit cold and robotic sometimes but funny, warm, and has what I would previously have described as vanilla tastes re porn, sex etc. He says fisting is normal? I didnt think so, but dont really know in terms of general acceptability.
He certainly hasnt tried to hide it as such,knowing I have free access to his PC, just dont use it. He didnt expect me to fidn it though.Also found that in the fortnight before Xmas he has joined a dating site and a 'sex in the UK' site. When I confronted him, he says it was curiosity again and he would never actually cheat, just clicked links and had a nosy.........

I feel like a total twat, due to give birth soon, and obviously at some point he is probably going to fuck me over. Current emotional situation is totally numb. I havent done anything or said anything conclusive to him about the whole thing because in the past I slept with someone else once, and so am battling with remaining objective. Because till now he hasnt put a foot wrong that I know of. I cannot believe how vulnerable he has made me feel.

Sorry for length of post but trying not to drip feed.

Oh - and the age of the victim changes all of the above rules. Anyone underage is covered worldwide by the 'possession' laws in this country.

Oh, and whose PC is this? People are talking about you destroying the HDD or stealing it and making a copy.

spenditwisely apart from a couple of rationalising pillocks nobody including vicar think what this man has done is "no big deal"

argue with vicar's research if you must, but don't lump her in with the "it's no big deal" arseholes, because you would be wrong

ArtyV, you are a 14 year old boy, right?

'Kitten porn'? (assuming you mean kiddie [yuck] porn, i.e. the rape of children served up for entertainment) And women should improve their performance in the bedroom to keep men honest? Puhleeeeease - take out your x-box instead.

I disagree with MummyPig's advice to seek the DH's help taking out the hard drive or putting it away anywhere. This needs to be done before he destroys it, hides it or copies it himself, and it needs to be done by the OP and the OP alone, maybe with some techie help. As I said upthread, the reason he has taken it and stashed it in a closet is most likely to hide it and ultimately get rid of incriminating evidence that you may well need later on. And I would bet the farm that there is more than you have found.

spenditwisely - yes i am really still a police officer and that link says nothing because in law the image on the computer is not classed as an obscene image - for an image to be classed as obscene it has to portray certain acts and im sorry, because however much you froth about this it is not covered within the legislation - with all due respect you are wrong on this.

I specifically looked into this issue last night, but if the op wants to take the pc down to the police station i am sure they can clarify the situation - i am working on the assumption that this file has been downloaded from the worldwide web, if the OP really believes it to depict the act of rape for real and that it is not in any way staged for sickos to wank off to, then she is more than welcome to take that image to the police.

but it will be staged. it is porn, and a type of porn that is easily found in 2 clicks of a mouse.It has to look real or it wouldnt sell.

The fact that he is wanting to destroy the pc would make me wonder what else was on it, but i doubt, unless he is into watching people shag animals, deal bodies or extreme violence (such as hammering nails into genitals) that there will be anything illegal on it. Under that act you have linked spendit - those are the sorts of image that are classed as illegal. Not rape pornography.
but like i say - the OP iis more than welcome to seek a second opinion.

....and i certainly do not think its no big deal - fwiw i think the legislation should be changed to include acts depicting rape.

As a couple of google searches have persuaded you that you know more about the law relating to adult pornographic imagery than the police, the judiciary, and fully qualified and experienced lawyers combined, spenditwisely why don't you replicate my searches of 'p o r n', 'r a p e p o r n' and 'r e a l d r u g g e d r a p e' and report all/any imagery that you believe is illegal to your local police?

Putting your money where your mouth is may require you to give up writing for Mills & Boon, but think of the kudos you'll gain in proving the experts wrong - albeit that, given current UK law, even if you go at it 24/7 for the next, say, 100 years it will be highly unlikely that you'll view any adult pornographic imagery that will result in one successful prosecution or in anyone being placed on the ViSOR.

Alternatively, I would suggest that campaigning for a change in the law would be a more profitable use of your time.

Jesus, just read the whole thread.

OP - just feeling so desperate for you.

It wouldn't make any difference to me whether the young woman was really raped or whether she was acting (of course I don't mean for her - I mean in terms of my reaction).

Because a) the shattering truth would be that my husband was turned on by rape, b) he could did not/does not know if the young woman was really being raped or not - he just wanted a wank and b) the young woman in question cannot be in a happy place in her life - to say the fucking least - if she is acting out rape porn.

I'm so sorry you are going through this!

I agree with others that you may be tempted to brush this dreadful discovry under the carpet...but it will always be under the carpet and sooner or later it will start to stink...

spenditwisely fwiw, I share your rage, horror and disgust

just because you think it should be illegal (and it should) doesn't make it so (unfortunately)

AF and Vicar, of course I know that images that depict rape scenes are not illegal (except in Scotland), but I am coming from the more cautious view, like OP in fact, that it is a real rape, in which case it is in fact illegal to download the image. Hiding the pc in the cupboard and dismantling it made me presume it is real and certainly that this man actually does have something to hide.

And Muffy, it doesn't matter whose computer it is - he has admitted to downloading it. It could belong to the queen and he would still be liable.

mathanxieyt; I most certainly didn't mean kiddie porn. I meant kitten porn. A joke, a sly dig as some of the hysterical nonsense being spouted here, leading twopeas down a one way street to loneliness and a bad environment for her kids over something not really that significant compared to divorcing a father of your 3 children, DP for 7 years and getting him arrested.

Please don't insult my post and make judgements on me, how dare you? You take that attitude with people who don't agree with you then you just demean your own contribution.

We are all strong confident women on here, we need to work together to find a suitable practical set of advice for the OP.

Just to repeat my message that was, ironically deleted. The mods here need a sense of reality.

it IS WRONG to censor views that don't agree with the "pack mentality" we sometime see on here. Lets consider all options; even ones that don't start with "all men are bastards" like the rubbish Kristinerackabusi comes out with

Arty...didn't you notice ?

kristine's pronouncements weren't supported either

paranoid much ?

and you may choose to overlook rape porn on a pc found in your family home, your husband joining GetASkankyShag.com and shaving his ring for the ladeez, but many of us would not advise someone else to do it

Far from a strong confident woman, you are a person (perhaps a 14 year old boy) who seems to think that anything with two legs in trousers who has a pulse is better for a woman and her children than so-called loneliness, and what in your opinion is a bad environment for children. I do not demean my own contribution by judging yours seriously wanting.

You are in a minority of one here and not because there is a pack mentality here -- you are in a minority because your opinions belong in the west of Ireland circa 1920 and because believe it or not there are very few worse environments for girls to grow up in that one where their own father thinks seeing girls raped is a form of entertainment.

Go mathanxiety! Spot on

Obscene Publications Act 1959 and 1964

The law makes it an offence to publish, whether for gain or not, any content whose effect will tend to "deprave and corrupt" those likely to read, see or hear the matter contained or embodied in it. This could include images of extreme sexual activity such as bestiality, necrophilia, rape or torture.

(3) For the purposes of this Act a person publishes an article who?
(a) distributes, circulates, sells, lets on hire, gives, or lends it, or who offers it for sale or for letting on hire; or
(b) in the case of an article containing or embodying matter to be looked at or a record, shows, plays or projects it [, or, where the matter is data stored electronically, transmits that data].
--
Scotland:
The new offence is similar to that at section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008, which applies in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. The Scottish offence goes further than that offence, however, in that it covers all images of rape or other non-consensual penetrative sexual activity.

Let's all move to Bonnie Scotland. Drinking Crabbies to toast oor Rabbie as we speak... very nice.

we need to work together to find a suitable practical set of advice for the OP

No we don't, the OP needs our support and understanding for whatever course she feels is right for HER life.

Any more advice and I suspect the poor love will implode!

Hope today has been OK, twopeas.

hear hear. I am only trying to reference factual information here, which I have got from the CPS website and the Internet Watch Foundation site. I hope it helps twopeas - essentially the law is there to protect us, we don't have to pretend it's all legal, the judges ultimately decide whether or not an image is 'depraved'.

But I have never forgotten that this is about your relationship and your future - not just the law.

spendit give over, in case you hadn't noticed the OP hasn't updated since yesterday and is probably thoroughly p'd off with all this discussion about porn.

You can quote acts & legislation all you like but vicar actually checked with those who carry out the investigations, to answer OP's query about wether or not to report her STBE's "habit".

I really don't think it helpful to keep harping on about it now, when she is trying to focus on a forward plan and her baby.

Vicar checked assuming the rape was enacted and not real, she also checked regarding criminal prosecution and not obscene publications. I know she's a copper but she has made assumptions about the image.

Sorry I thought I was helping bossy, not harping on as you so kindly put it.

I appreciate you were trying to help spendit everyone is and its a very emotive subject I know.

I'm just concerned that in the heat of the debate the OP's dilemma in its entirety is being overwhelmed by the focus on the debate about the video the STBE kept. It is one part of the whole awful situation that has made her see him in a new light and she is dealing with that the best she can and coping with all the emotions that go with it. She said upthread that she was finding it hard to keep the images she saw out of her mind, she doesn't need reminding of it.

Whatever she feels she needs in the way of support I'm sure we can provide but it's up to her what she does with this information and advice.

If you'd bothered to read the thread, spenditwisely you would see that, in order to counteract some of the hysteria misguided advice that was being given to the OP. I made reference to section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008, relating to adult internet pornography on p.6 and 7.

You have therefore repeatedly flogged a dead horse which, incidentally, images of such an act would not be classed as illegal under the terms of the Act unless you were also engaged in giving the deceased animal a blow job and/or rogering it while mugging for the camera.

Whatever assumptions Vicar may have made have not been half as presumptious as your own. In short, Vicar's legal advice is on the money as is/was my own. Your own interpretations of assorted Acts have been, and are, patently and obviously wrong.

I suggest you give the poor tortured equine a rest and turn your mind to your move to Bonnie Scotland, or to constructively helping the OP sans shock, horror, and violins.

Have you not noticed that there is a difference between the CJA 2008 and the Obscene Publications Act? Please stop patronising me on this. I have linked to both.

If the image is a real rape it is obscene and evidence of a crime. You are assuming it is rape porn for entertainment which is a completely different matter.

There are laws to protect women and men from being 'depraved' by images. The legal term, not my judgement.

spendit

Have you not noticed that we are asking you to STOP using this as a legal arguement thread so that if & when the OP wants to come back for advice /support she doesn't have pages of bickering over legal technicalities ?