Feeling uneasy regarding incident btwn DH & DS (10Months) - please tell me what you think

[StrangeButTrue]

I would really appreciate your thoughts on this.

A few weeks ago I asked DH to look after DS while I tidied up after tea. He went upstairs with DS, a few mins later I heard DS crying (distressed cry). As I was running up the stairs I heard DH repeatedly saying 'Bye Bye', I got to the top of the stairs - DS was shut in his bedroom, in the dark. DH said 'he's missing his daddy'.

I picked up & cuddled DS & told DH 'NO - he's not missing his daddy - he's bloody scared'
DH told me not to be so silly.

I can't shake off what happened. I would really like to hear what you think about this.

Sorry for diving in here, but is there any possibility he will collect DS from school? Would it be wise to keep him off school for a couple of days just to be on the safe side?

Good luck, so proud of you for taking this step, stay strong

stb - well done you. Can you change the locks? And good point about school from pp.

We all believe you, and people you contact for help will too. Stay strong.

ra ra ra good for you. Gird your loins and prepare for the time ahead.

He's gone? That's great news! (Even if only temporary), it gives you a chance to get sorted.

HV sounds like a good idea, particularly as you say you clicked.

Women's Aid recommend these for legal advice Rights of women - free, confidential legal advice for women.

Their family advice line is on 020 7251 6577 and open
Mondays between 11am-1pm
Tuesdays and Wednesdays between 2pm-4pm and 7pm-9pm
Thursdays between 7pm-9pm
Fridays between 12noon-2pm

Their other lines are listed here too

That's just one of the legal advice places they link to.

lots more on this page too

Hope that helps :)

Contact the school first thing tomorrow and say that you have thrown this man out for abuse and that he is not to be allowed to collect DC. If necessary, get some of the professionals you are already involved with to back you up on this; you should be able to get a court order against him pretty fast.

Yes agreed to not take DCs to school tomorrow. Ring the police non emergency number and outline everything you have said on here, in both threads. Then work with a solicitor to make sure he never comes back into your (and more importantly your DCs) lives.

I was about to post what SGB and Vicky said, FFS make sure he cant pick your DC up, if needs be, make up an appointment so you have to fetch her half and hour early.

I arranged with ds's school to collect him half an hour early when ex was being 'difficult'. Schools are very supportive in times like these. Ask them if they have any concerns about your ds.

You have taken a huge step already, well done. Keep your resolve and momentum. Your thinking seems to be falling into place re:financial strategies too. Tell your DM tomorrow - she will believe you as we do. Stay strong. Your dcs will thank you for this one day.

Wow. You've made some big inroads since I was last here the other day. Well done. We are all rooting for you. It is clear that he is a bully and has got away with controlling you for far too long.
Keep on moving forward.

Fantastic!

Is he likely to pick them up? If not, then send them in as normal but inform the school, and then arrange to pick them up early. If they're at school then it'll be much easier for you to do all the other stuff you have to do.

I really do think you should make the police one of the first calls.

Cheering you on. Well done, and sleep well.

He's going to be back 'in a few days' and you are going to spend valuable time finding a solictior or wait until Wednesday to see your former HV?

FGS, he'll be back before you know it and you'll be back to square one.

As for 'doing everything by the book', are you for real? The only book that's needed here is the one that the law will throw at him

Stop procrastinating; call the police non-emergency number or social services first thing in the morning and get the ball rolling before your dm arrives.

SBT, I'm so pleased that this is moving forward. In his own twisted way, he has now given you a perfect opportunity to get him out of your life for good.

The email, as you say, will be perfect. Don't respond to it. Don't answer the phone to him. Gain the control.
Call the police and get everything on record. Get a restraining order against him.
Call the school as posters above have suggested.
Call your councillor to tell him his latest threats. She wouldn't in a million years engage with him, but she should be aware that he may attempt to and should make a note of times, details etc. This may be useful to you in any potential future legal battles.
Call your HV this morning and tell her everything. tell her you need her help to protect your family - you are afraid for your children and yourself.

Get a solicitor and get some help with your fight. You deserve the help and support and I know you can be strong enough to secure your future safety and happiness.

But you need to make the calls. You need to talk to your Mum and get her to help you.

I'm really rooting for you, OP. You have a whole army of MNers on your side and willing to help in whatever way we can.

Echoing whattodoo good luck OP.

I've been lurking here but just wanted to say well done, keep the momentum going. Good luck!

What momentum would that be, mother?

The OP's h announced of his own accord that he was leaving for a few days last night and, as yet, there is no indication that the OP has seized the moment and ensured that he is not at liberty to return whenever it suits him.

izzywhizzy that's really not helpful.

Leaving an abusive partner isn't easy, no matter how frustrated people are with you.

The OP needs support - not you having a go at her (or at other posters for that matter).

FWIW I have no problem with your previous posts, urging the SBT to act. But the latest one was a step too far IMHO and more about your frustration as an outsider looking in, rather than something that would help SBT.

izzy, I know your heart is in the right place, but we do have this kind of stuff from you with regularity. This is real life, not a soap opera. Sometimes shit takes time. He's GONE, That IS 90% of the battle.

All SBT has to do now is to KEEP him out, and that is something that she will gather strength to do over during the next few days, and we will help her at every step of the way.

I stayed in a 10 year abusive relationship. HE LEFT. I didn't kick him out. Does that make me LESS brave when I let him go?

Apparently NOT. Not according to all the DV specialists I've been in contact with since he left.

Not according to the therapist I've been seeing these last few months.

We (abuse survivors) must look for any and every chance we get to be OUT. Any chink in the armour, any light at the end of any tunnel.

Dear SBT! Well done, you have achieved so much. I know you are in shock, bewildered by everything, but I promise you that things will start to calm very soon.

In a very short while you will not be expecting his key in the door and TBH, I'd change the locks if I were you. Bugger the law, LET him take you to court and then TELL them why you have locked the fucker out!

When you are strong enough, get someone to send him a message, or better yet get a lawyer to send him a letter that clearly states that you will NOT be allowing him back in as a matter of child protection and should he approach you or your home that you will be making a statement at the local Police Station.

meantime GET some advice from the CAB. As he is no longer with you, there ought not to be a CP issue, so you shouldn't be reported to SS, as long as he stays away

You HAVE to protect your babies. he's gone now. All you have to do is KEEP IT THAT WAY. Don't EVER forget what he has done and make sure you use it when and if you need to, without a second thought.

HERE here (or is it hear hear) Hissy

Joining hands with Hissy & Nettle, not exactly waving pom-poms but smiling in a highly encouraging manner :)

Just wondered how you are doing this week op? Hope you have been able to speak to your Mum.

Thinking of you.