Feeling uneasy regarding incident btwn DH & DS (10Months) - please tell me what you think

[StrangeButTrue]

I would really appreciate your thoughts on this.

A few weeks ago I asked DH to look after DS while I tidied up after tea. He went upstairs with DS, a few mins later I heard DS crying (distressed cry). As I was running up the stairs I heard DH repeatedly saying 'Bye Bye', I got to the top of the stairs - DS was shut in his bedroom, in the dark. DH said 'he's missing his daddy'.

I picked up & cuddled DS & told DH 'NO - he's not missing his daddy - he's bloody scared'
DH told me not to be so silly.

I can't shake off what happened. I would really like to hear what you think about this.

I remember your other thread. If everything you say is true, you should be getting yourself and your Dc away from this man now.

He is calculating, manipulative, sadistic and dangerous.

He has brainwashed you to get access to your children.

Please, please do whatever it takes to get away.

You have had loads of good advice, now you need to follow it.

Don't feedback or discuss with your H. Just get yourself and your DC out of there.

And if you think that's harsh, wait till the police and social services get involved.

OK,can you be here & keep me afloat while I go through this?

I don't have anyone else I can confide in.

please help me do this.

I will probably frustrate you in my decisions while my head gets around all this. but i have no one else i can turn to. what should i do next? dh is back tomorrow am??

That is really horrible. We all know a 10 month old can't fake a distressed cry. How awful for you and your DS. I am very upset for you, you have to get to the bottom of it with DH, I think.

OK, I didn't know half of this, if what Gay40 has said is true, go go go, get out now, take your babies somewhere safe. Keeping your babies safe has got to come before anything else. Go. KEEP. THEM. SAFE. please

You have had at least a month of advice from people on here at least. The next question has got to be why are you delaying protecting your children?

What is so important that you cannot put the welfare of your children first?

Why are you choosing to allow your DH to groom your kids?

You have not got the time to pussyfoot around getting your head round it. You have not got that luxury. You need to put your children FIRST, and you are not.

Excuse my lack of patience, but are you sitting it out until he does them some serious physical and sexual damage? What will it take? Will it take social services removing your children to make you act?

DH has something over me. i was abused as a child. i told DH in confidence. i trusted him, but now think he will use this information against me. he will use it to take my children away from me. he has already said he will do that. that is why i am still with him.

i have never told anyone about this, i trusted dh. i know from the things he has said recently that he will use this against me. it's not something that has affected me, i wasjust being honest & open with dh & now regret.

slow in posting - Gay - do you think he is grooming my children?

Yes...you go. You pack now. You leave. You stay somewhere else. Call WOMANS AID or stay with a friend.

here womans aid

Call them on 0808 200247 There is always someone there. If you doubt our opinion...tell them. They will help you find a place to stay and give the right advice. Call them.

I can't just pick up the kids & go.

I have to plan. DH will not be alone with the DCs while I plan. I have to do this sensibly & legally.

Getting to the bottom of it (ouch) with H will make things worse, gripping. SBT, you've already tried getting him to see his behaviours with other eyes ... and his response was to make you shut those eyes, stop seeing your counsellor. When you say you can't talk to anyone else: has he distanced you from your old support network? How are you fixed for family and friends whom you could trust?

The paradox is that, now you've broken his nasty 'spell', at least partially, he's likely to sense that and work harder to keep you under control. Normally I'd urge you to read "Why Does He Do That?" because it helps you to grasp the ugly truth behind the lie. But I'm worried about how much he's keeping tabs on you. Are you using private browsing? Could you get the book on Kindle and keep it hidden, or have a paper copy delivered to a friend's for you?

I hope you managed to speak to a solicitor before the holidays. That break sounds like the best thing you could have done! When you're much happier away from your partner, that says it all really. Were the kids more relaxed, too?

He has nothing over you. He knows you were abused and he is using that knowledge to make you doubt yourself.
He is, without a shadow of a doubt, getting ready to inflict some monumental abuse. In fact, he already is, with your son's toilet arrangements and teaching your baby who's in charge.
Child abusers rarely get custody of the children btw. Rarely. Sometimes, but rarely. If you make mention of what's gone on so far, that pretty much knackers his chances of taking your children from you.
If you don't protect them, however, they will be taken from you.

BandO - I will not leave my house. there are 100s of women in worse situations than me. that is not an option.

Oh :( I was abused as a child - this explains everything about why you were vulnerable to him, and what he saw in you that he could use. I'm so sorry.

You break free and repair, you know.

Am a bit worried about "doing things properly and legally". Leaving a marriage is still legal

Of course the kids were more bloody relaxed when they were away, they weren't around their controlling deviant of a father.

You are choosing the house over your children. Good luck.

DH has no access to my pc - good point garlic

You can break free and repair.

Ignore people here shouting at you, SBT. I know how distressing it can be (had it myself). Most here know about the tricky process of freeing up your thoughts enough to quit. Having said that, you'll find it a damn sight easier to free them when you are away from His Weirdness.

Just read this thread, and the other. I don't know alot about child abuse, but this sounds so frightening. You must either get away from him, or keep him away from you and your DC.

Ring WA and ask for help. Speak to your HV.

And being abused as a child will not get your children taken away from you.

You need to ask people for help. If there is no one in RL there are people here, I will hold your hand, PM any time if you want.

You do need to make some one in authority aware of what you have been through and what your H is doing to you and your DC.

Having suffered as a child doesn't mean diddly-squat in terms of "them" taking your children away. Nothing whatsoever. Abusers always try to use that threat to keep you locked in. It's a lie.

Gay - no, not chosing the house over the chidren. we also jointly own a flat which today (coincidence) the tenant has informed me he wants to leave within the next 4 weeks. i think dh could move in (?)

the child abuse confession still worries me, however.

i can do this.

i don't have a job, gave up my career to be SAHM 8 yrs ago. i don't have any money. can't afford a good lawyer.

we built a home, i put all my money into it, gave up a career.is it possible to start again,aged 40?

Call the police and kick the dirty fucker out. He's not violent is he...just a freak. AND CALL WOMANS AID IN THE NUMBER I GAVE YOU> Not shouting at you just making sure you know the value of these people...they have LEGAL ADVICE which you say you need.

It is possible to do anything. And when it comes to your children even the impossible is possible.

How would your H react if you told him not to come home, you have changed the locks and informed SS and the police that you believe he is grooming/abusing your DC?

What do you honestly think he would say/do.

Would he panic and run away fearing the police etc or do you think he would come round and force entry/try to pursuade you?

yes, yes, yes! It is very possible to start again at 40.
But you've got to take the first step - call Women's Aid. talk to someone about what you need to do, who to go to for assistance, how to start your new life.
You know you need to do it, and you know you shouldn't delay.