Not sure how to feel about this - DH and DD

[MademoiselleDuPont]

We have been together for ten years and generally have an ok relationship. We have had rough patches but it seems to be fine now. My DH has told me a few times that he is sure we were brought together so that he could reconnect with my DD((11) who he apparently knew from a previous life. Yes I was mortified especially because the reason we got married was not because I had a DD from a previous relationship but because I got pregnant with our DD two months into the relationship and we were in love. He has said this in various ways another version being he gets on well with my DD because she is a younger version of me. I feel odd about it. They do get on very well and DD generally runs to him when she has a problem but she also has this strange thing where she turns everything into a competition with me. When I put on make up she will do the same and say "look mum mine looks better than yours". She also thinks she takes care of DS(8 months) better than me. I ignore it because I find it funny sometimes but recently I cant even talk to DH without her cutting in to talk to him as well and he generally stops talking to me and goes off to do whatever she wants. And when we go anywhere in the car DH prefers her to sit with him in the front. I feel odd about the whole thing, tell me I am over reacting and that this is very normal. My other DD is not like this at all so I don't have anything to compare it to.

Nanny it depends on whether you want the OP to take on board your concerns or whether you just want to take a dictatorial 'superior' tone and assume the role of parent. Certainly many would find your tone hectoring and immediately tune out.

yellow it's not catastrophising it's a reality . I have an insight which you do not have.
Putting responsibilty onto me for the OP leaving is just wrong .
OP and her DH are responsible for this .
I am leaving this thread because a lot of people just have too much invested in trying to keep the OP here .
I have too much insight into this .

You may have 'experience' nanny but use it effectively. I notice you do not like 'straight talking' you have closed yourself off, well this is how the OP feels.

Well she's going to have to be careful what she says to any RL professional, I hope she doesnt think any of them will put the feelings of her and her DH before the wellbeing of her DDs, because they won't.

And sorry if the OP doesn't like what has been posted but this is a public forum populated by ordinary, joe blogg parents. No poster on here has any duty of care towards the OP and her feelings, they can post whatever they like within the rules of MN. If she doesn't like the way some people have worded their opinions, the opinions of which she canvassed, dont post!

The thing is for those working in CP this isn't about the OP, its about the those damaged children and the most telling statement was when the OP said that she had been abused and his behaviour didn't seem unusual because her parents were 'unconventional', lets wait 20 years and no doubt her DD's will also be posting such statements.

X post with Turkey.

Well the only investment is to insure the OP and her kids get the correct information in order to have a happy and successful home life away from abuse. Its just that the approach is different to yours.

Why are you assuming you know so much more about this than me, NannyPlum?

Whether or not it's a reality (and I very much agree that it is) talking about the long-term future consequences here is not helpful in this case.

I agree Turkey, there is no way I would post personal concerns on MN because I have read some of the opinions. While the majority are carefully constructed I dont think I would want to invite this so called 'straight talking'.

Well if my personal concerns were anything like this OP's, I'd more likely broadcast them on here than in real life! Couldn't imagine going to my doctors and explaining my DH thinks my DD, his DSD, is his sister from his past life...

I don't think any of this is helping the OP.

Turkey nobody is saying that the OP's husband is anything but extremely odd, the point is there are ways of getting your message across that do not close down avenues of communication.

Obviously the OP has now closed down this avenue of comms precisely because some members of this forum approached giving advice in a dictatorial manner. It depends on whether you want the OP to continue talking and taking on board suggestions that may well help the family in the long run.

Yes the op family set up was odd but you know what, if I posted some of our idiosyncrasies I would probably be accused of all sorts of nonsense on here.

The op was actually digesting some of the more intelligent posts the it became all - leave him he is sexually abusing your children you are disgraceful for staying etc. it was all bullshit and those posters should feel happy now at the outcome.

Just an aside - believing in past lives does not mean you have mental health problems. Millions of people who are utterly normal believe that life and death goes in cycles.

Regardless of the odd dynamics of your whole relationship, the one post that has stuck with me OP is one of your very first on the first page of this thread.

You didn't trust your DH to put your DD to bed without anything untoward going on - you felt the need to check up on him.

This statement alone speaks volumes IMO.

Almost that is a good point actually

It's worrying that you say 'he knew them in a previous life' rather than 'he says he knew them'. You sound like you have started to believe him.

I don't think there's anything wrong in believing in reincarnation and past lives, I personally find the concept rather a comforting.

But in the context of the OP I find it pretty disturbing. It puts the dh's relationship with the dsd as more important than with the op - and that doesn't sit right with me, whether you suspect grooming or not.

rather comforting, or rather a comforting thought.

Well said, SweetLilyTea.