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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found a condom wrapper

582 replies

KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 14:54

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

OP posts:
DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 20/12/2011 15:57

I dunno really, OP.

Just had a quick look at your other thread and it sounds as though you're feeling a bit as though he's backing away at the moment. Between that and the condom wrapper the inference is easy to make.

Don't really have any advice, except perhaps to ask him about it and be prepared for the possibility that the answer is one you don't want to hear.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 15:57

You don't use condoms.

You've never used the bag.

Don't start thinking this is all your fault!

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 15:58

A lot of men who cheat are vehemently against cheating, OP. You can't tell who is or isn't cheating by what they say.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:58

What if he lies through his teeth? Comes up with a reasonable explanation, has nothing on his phone. I'll always have doubts.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 16:00

Wait until he's holding something fragile then say, "Why did you leave part of a condom wrapper in my bag?"

How he responds will be a good sign.

If he's a reasonably nice guy he won't be used to lying and will give the game away.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 16:00

What would be a reasonable explanation?

DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 20/12/2011 16:00

Bottom line: if you don't trust him, then the relationship has no legs anyway.

If you think you'll always have doubts, regardless of what he says when asked, then you might as well cut your losses now and end the relationship, as if you stay you'll just be making yourself (and possibly him, if he is indeed innocent) miserable.

Lovingfreedom · 20/12/2011 16:01

He will lie, he will give you some bullshit excuse/reasonable explanations, he is cheating on you, he will do it again, you will always have doubts. Don't move in with him, don't go away with him.

PeppermintPasty · 20/12/2011 16:02

It does happen Imperial-my DP does this from time to time. I won't go into why he says he does it rather than a "normal" wank unless requested, as I think it's irrelevant here..

...I'm sorry to say I agree with other posters who think it's cheating. As for being vehemently anti-cheating, years ago, when my DP was cheating, he was very eloquent about how appalling cheating was etc etc. It surprised me, the lengths he would go to to incriminate himself to cover things up.

fuzzynavel · 20/12/2011 16:02

The man will not give her a straight answer. He's shagged away and is mulling over whether to dump the OP or not.

redrubyshoes · 20/12/2011 16:04

Op - you can see a future with this guy? Nobody dreams of a future with a guy that is spent checking bags, wallets, mobiles, bank statments and toilet habits involving mobile phones etc etc

That is called a descent into madness and paranoia. You are both adults.

Time to have a chat with him. Adult to adult.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 16:04

The fucking joke of it is I also found a little card with a description of a pandora charm he must have bought me for Christmas called Blooming Rose. And to quote:

"roses have long been a symbol for love and beauty. Blooming Rose symbolises the unfolding of love in the one who wears it from the one who gives it."

This was next to the wrapper!!!

OP posts:
Itsallgonetitsup · 20/12/2011 16:05

Has he given you this bracelet yet?

Itsallgonetitsup · 20/12/2011 16:05

Charm I mean?

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 16:05

Yes, he bought me it last year for Christmas and gives me charms on special occasions so as to build it up

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 16:06

No, not the charm

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 20/12/2011 16:06

Gah. I bloody hope that's what it was. I agree, time for a chat OP. Good luck x

Itsallgonetitsup · 20/12/2011 16:06

Only if you dont get it will that be an answer. If you do get it, it does not explain the condom wrapper.

How crap to find it next to the wrapper. Sad

PeppermintPasty · 20/12/2011 16:07

oh good. xpost

PeppermintPasty · 20/12/2011 16:08

Oh my mistake. You have a bracelet from him, but not this particular charm yet. ok.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 16:10

How the fuck am I going to sleep tonight? I want to sneak in his house and get his phone. I'll have to wait now. This is so hard when I need to know what's been going on, how it got there

OP posts:
PeppermintPasty · 20/12/2011 16:14

I would go pop if I didn't have it out with him, but that's me, not very subtle. You said upthread you're making yourself sick with wondering, this is not good. Can you really hold it in?

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 16:15

I don't think I can but I need to ask him to his face so I can see his reaction. I'll be researching body language of lying tonight

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 16:20

If he's bought a charm for another woman, then it's a longstanding affair. It would be worth holding out until Christmas, OP, just to see what you get (not in a mercenary way, but to see whether you get that particular charm.)

Malificence · 20/12/2011 16:22

Lets hope that this is one condom thread that has an ending, there are one or two a year and the OP's have never come back to update, not to my knowledge. They are all eerily similar though.