Just found a condom wrapper

[KissMyShineyRedA]

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

I'm eating pasta and cheese sauce. The talk of spunk and copious amounts of it is making me feel very green.

OP I would think that he's dipping his dick elsewhere I'm afraid.

Sorry.

I think this is a case for Abbey from NCIS.

Just reading back more slowly.

The "space" thing - I need "space" - we all have quirky habits - and it was a nightmare when we first got married - dear god! Does anyone really want to be woken up with cups of tea! Even now, 20 years down the line, as soon as I walk in the door the phone goes to see if I've had a nice day. Why? just why? all I want is a dash to the loo and kettle on and 10 mins to unwind not a banal conversation that I can have face to face in a few hours. Some of you will think that is all sweet and romantic - but it invades my space! (love him)

So I can see where he's coming from with "space" (space is good).

He may or may not have had a business trip fling. The fact you think he might have shows lack of trust.

Only thing I will say, is : a relationship is built on trust. If you havent got that then you havent got a relationship.

I know someone who uses crisp packets for posh wanks. Apparently pickled onion Monster Munch can smart a bit though.

tip of the week

Tell him to turn the packet inside out

I suppose Pringles would be better - more length!

Apologies OP - I do sympathise but hope all the banter is taking your mind off things.

No One so far has suggested this- i think!

Do you think he planted it there so you would find out?

Quite a lot of research shows that many men's affairs are discovered not by acccident but because they leave clues for their partner to find. This might not be a case of really obvious stuff, but sub consciously not clearing up- phone messages, phone bills etc- as ruthlessly as they might be expected to.

There are 2 explanations here- either he wanted you find out , and this adds up with his need for space- or he is very stupid and didn't check the bag.

If i was you I would confront.

preferably with the bag and condon wrapper in front of him as if you are discovering it for the first time.

"OH look- what's this bit of paper? oh, it's part of a Durex wrapper. How on earth is it there " you act all innocent.

see what he says.

Okay, if we went on a business trip to the states, it was probably a one-night stand and so checking his phone is not going to turn anything up.

In combination with your other threads, I think he's probably cheated, I'm so sorry.

Do NOT sleep with him. I'm from the US and the STD rates are unreal, and obviously condoms don't prevent everything.

Do NOT move in with him.

I think all you can do is confront him and see what he says. But please keep in mind that the simplest explanation tends to be the right one, before he has you believing some elaborate tale of posh wanking/balloon playing/bag returning/naughty christmas elves.

Been thinking about this and:-

• He has his own flat, he could have another mobile that you dont know about which he keeps there
• He takes his phone to the loo with him, this could be innocent or not so id cross that one out
• He had a office party you say when he was on his trip? Too much alchol? Made a stupid mistake?
• Could it have fallen out of an old pair of pants or an old wash bag?
• Nothing on his facebook - maybe it was a one night stand and he didnt even know her name etc
• The fact he went floppy can sometimes mean guilt - i had this problem with my DP - he walked out on us because he couldnt cope then couldnt get it up because of guilt for leaving
• POSH WANKING? Is he that sort of guy? I dont understand it really as surley the condom would effect sensation?
• Dont move in with him untill you know if you trust him or not - no trust means years of looking for things that may not even be there.

How long have you been together? Dont rush into anything like i said you dont want to effect your relationship if it does turn out to be innocent.

However if you do confront him look for the following:

• Looking away quickly

-Blushing -Shifty hand movments , rubbing them together, playing with fingers -Moving away from you quickly -Getting angry

• Delayed response

Keep us updated

Thanks for the advice and banter. I don't mind. My sister came round and took my mind off it for a bit but also gave me solid advice.

I'm going to ask him about the hotel first, then if he shared a room. If he didn't he cannot say it was someone else's, as she suggested maybe it got scooped up in his clothes.

I don't think it could've fallen out of an old wash bag - he bought a new one a few weeks ago.

He's very OCD about cleanliness, washes his clothes after every wash etc so doubt it came from a pocket or something.

We dont use condoms. He doesn't like them.

Everything is pointing to the worst but I still can't believe it, don't feel angry or upset. Just feel numb right now.

I'll make sure he comes over tomorrow to talk and I'll start asking about the hotel. I'll try and look at his phone beforehand if I get a chance.

ameliagrey I don't know if or why he would've planted it there. Maybe he did. I'm not sure anymore.

I'm not sure who said it, but if it turns out he did cheat, it's over. We have no chiildren and dont live together yet. I'm a good girlfriend. Im a good person and I deserve better.

yes, you do

Dont make the looking at his phone to ott. Good idea aking about the hotel, keep it simple, " what was the room like then?" "was it clean?" etc

The main thing now is always try and stay in control dont loose it - especially when asking questions dont get obsessed with it!! x
Good luck chick chin up x

Yes you do deserve better chick. Never doubt yourself

Thank you

I'm actually terrified of what he's going to tell me as he is usually very honest and upfront about things. I feel like if I asked him, he would just purge and I'm so scared of what he's going to tell me

Oh my dear, it must be so scary. Think of the proverbial plaster that must be ripped off quickly -- then you can start to deal with things.

Don't ask if he shared a room -- that sounds like you're suspicious. Agree that it's better to ask things like, was the room nice?

When are you going to talk to him? Be brave. You deserve a good man and there's only way to find out if he is one or not.

Agree about the plaster comment its better out in the open quickly and swiftly that way it hurts once and you dont find extra out at a later date and get hurt again. be brave! :)

Don't run away from it

Best you know now, if you feel he may confess when challenged

I can't run away from this, I have to now. It's actually killing me to wait until tomorrow.

If I don't ask if he shared a room he could say it was someone else's.

What if I really casually just ask about general things about the trip and slip it in? He hasnt told me much about the trip. I know he stayed in the holidayinn

I feel like driving to his and confronting him but I'm going to be smart. Plus he lives with his sister so that's not wise.

Knowing is better than not knowing, OP. It might be awful, but you're not tormented by thoughts about whether you're going mad.

He wouldn't have shared a hotel room. It's just not done for a business to send someone on a trip and expect them to share.

In any case, how could someone else's condom wrapper end up in his bag? It just doesn't make sense.

Keep smart - if you do then you will loose the control. Ask about the trip and hotel in genral and see what kind of response you get, if its fairley sparse then dig a little