Just found a condom wrapper

[KissMyShineyRedA]

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

OP there is one thing that has occured to me, going to get laughed at no doubt, but do you have the packet still, and do you know anything about fingerprints?

Ta, Stealth

I don't know where it went, think in the bin. I handed it to him so it would've had both ours on there.

I'm moving in with him because I love him, been together long enough and I feel we're long overdue to live together. What if we can't live together? I guess I think it's better to find out now if we're compatible. Obviously this stick in the works has made me think things over but I still want to go forward with the move.

I feel like if I postpone moving in any more, I'll be in more limbo in terms of the relationship

Thank you for replying btw. Needed to get it out tonight and I'm glad there's someone to listen

I hear what you're saying.

Just be careful. You sound lovely and I hate to think of some guy taking advantage of your love and trust.

It's better to be in limbo than in a shit situation that's difficult to get out of.

Delaying it will show him you are serious about this. You said that your mum had problems with men and that could be why you're having niggling doubts, rather than because deep down you know the truth.

If he is serious about your relationship, he'll wait while you sort this out in your head. There's a reason why you are worried about this: maybe it's not because of him, maybe there's another reason.

I think it's a horrid situation to be in and sorry if i sounded harsh or as if i was interrogating you.

But- it really does not add up to me.

I suppose I don't have bags lying around my room for wrappers to fall into and even if i was young and living in my parents house I think I'd know if it was possible for this to have happened.

Your past is really the key to this- not so much what happened in the US- if you could only be more sure about that it would give you your answer.
so 5-6 years ago- did you have sex in your room with anyone who used condoms and was the bag lying around- open?

I think you have t o listen to your instincts- which are often right- and not dismiss his floppy episodes. They are very telling.

why else would a very young guy have erection issues ( bar medical issues etc) unless something was going on in his head?

I'm really sorry but if this keeps happening, i think you will have your answer- despite his denials.

I think he's lying too :( Sorry. However, this is about how you feel and about what you want to do.

If you move out of home and in with him (will you be finding a new place together or will you be moving in with him & his sister?) would you be able to move home again if it doesn't work out?

I've read the whole thread, been following since the beginning. I also saw your other thread about him needing space, OP.

I'm really sorry to say that as an objective observer, reading all the facts you've posted here, the evidence really does point very strongly towards his having cheated on you.

It was probably a one off. He probably took the opportunity while he was in the states thinking he could get away with it and you'd be none the wiser. But he didn't cover his tracks and now you have a seed of doubt in your mind that will only grow over time.

It might well be that he feels terribly guilty and wishes he hadn't done it (to wit: the erection problems). And if that's the case then maybe, if you want to, you can work past it.

But I don't think he's being honest with you right now. And I don't think you should move in with him. I think it would give him the message that he can get away with it. That you're willing to turn a blind eye now and so therefore will be likely to turn a blind eye to similarly ambiguous evidence in the future.

At least if you put your foot down on moving in together now and insist on taking 6 months to be absolutely sure you want to continue this relationship then it will be a signal to him that you won't take any shit.

Sorry you're having to deal with this OP. When he's the one that's fucked up the trust between you.

I think you have had very good advice from Madonna

There is no need to rush moving in- I can never understand why people think that moving in or marrying is the "next step" as if there is no alternative after a relationship has been jogging along for some time.
It doesn't have to be.

In your case I'd bide my time for a little bit longer.

This will send out a signal to him and who knows what he might say or do then?

and TBH I think that if the wrapper was a result of something you had done some time ago, I think you would know- not be wracking your brain to try to work out if, who with, and when.

Any one of the 'events' you have described is entirely explicable. Any two, and it's possibly a coincidence. But:

• there was something about him getting cold feet about moving in;
• he returned from a business trip and 'suddenly' had erection problems;
• he wanted some space just after returning from 2 weeks away;
• you've found a condom wrapper in his bag;
• you went away for 4 days and made love twice, and once he had an erection problem.

I think you have a lot of talking to do.

fwiw, we've used condoms for years and I've never found a 'torn' corner - it's a bit weird to have such a small bit of evidence that is so incriminating. Also anything that has been laying around in one of my bags for years is a bit old and dusty and not really readable. So something odd, or op in denial.

Going off the information you have given us OP I would say you have been taken for a mug tbh.
But hey ho you believe what you want to believe rather than where the evidence points.

Yes, maybe I am a tad in denial.

I guess because I've always trusted him. In nearly 3 years he's never done anything dodgy, flirted, acted a twat.

Maybe I'm just going to have to believe him, as stupid as that may sound, a trust him.

Thank you for your advice madonna, amelia and dreaming

I'm quite shocked that he confessed to losing his hard-on while shagging your mother.

lebof and boak

LeBOF - behave!! I get your point, but I don't think relationship threads are the place to make it really, do you?!

You've gotta laugh sometimes though, haven't you, or...

YY i agree

LeBoak?

Ha

I'm trying to think of the nicest possible way to say that, er, hmm, yes, I think you may be in a bit of denial.

But I also understand it's all circumstantial evidence and so hard to act on that basis alone.

So I will just wish you luck, I hope we are all wrong and you will be very happy, but I hope you will come back and talk to us if anything is bothering you.

Good luck!

LeBoak - I like it

Thank you dreaming

Sorry KMSRA I didn't mean to sound as harsh as it came out.

No offence taken!