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Original poster

Just found a condom wrapper

582 replies

KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 14:54

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

OP posts:
HairyNigel · 20/12/2011 15:36

After having a read through your past threads I would say there is no need for any evidence. His behaviour, the condom wrapper and him wanting "space"...he's cheating, sorry :(

Lovingfreedom · 20/12/2011 15:36

Yeah - I think combination of him 'needing space', not being able to get it up and the condom all point towards only one explanation. He's possibly got cold feel on moving in, having a last fling, seeing prostitute or just a cheat. You won't see it like this now but you're possibly about to have a somewhat narrow escape rather than moving in with this guy. Sorry you're going through this OP.

Itsallgonetitsup · 20/12/2011 15:36

Its a shit situation! Personally I would not confront at this stage and "snoop"!! Yes it is wrong if the other party is completely innocent and you will feel crap about it!
However, if he is not then a little snooping does not compare with the low standards of cheating. Also, in my experience (sad but true), cheaters only admit to what they have to. Few blurt the whole truth when confronted. IE: 1 corner of a condom wrapper will be a posh wank, balloons with condoms! If you found a pair of ladies knickers it may be some woman forced herself on him but he refused. Only if you found a full video of the act would they then admit to the truth and then they would probably claim to have been pissed or try some redeeming excuse. People who cheat are capable of lots of lieing and deceit, no matter how normal, warm and loving they are in every day life to their friends and wives/gfs.

If you do decide to confront at this stage you could say you found it in YOUR bag when you went to pack for this trip away you are going on for Xmas.

Really wish I could do more to help.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:38

charliesmum no car. He lives in his own flat at the moment so hard to keep track of him if I'm here, in terms if coming home late or going out. Basically the only suspicious behaviour is taking his phone with him. But he plays games on it.

I'm going to wait it out though like you've all advised

OP posts:
Casmama · 20/12/2011 15:38

I'm going to go against the grain and say have it out with it. Be straight, tell him what you have found and see what his reaction is. If it was a one night stand then there may well be nothing on his phone so all the sneaking around will do you no good anyway.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 15:39

If it was a one night stand or an escort, then there wouldn't be anything necessarily on his phone, would there?

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:40

I've just checked his Facebook, nothing.

OP posts:
DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 20/12/2011 15:40

If he was staying in a hotel room he could have just had a wank with a condom on so as not to get embarrassing stains on the bedlinen. Some men do this.

If you've never had reason not to trust him before, and his behaviour isn't generally odd, then why not just ask him? It could build up into some massive great thing over nothing otherwise and end up driving an unnecessary wedge.

Of course he could also have had a one-night stand while away. But there is a chance it's innocent. I'd say ask him about it.

chubbasmum · 20/12/2011 15:40

stop making excuses for him games or no games you dont take your phone everywhere unless there is something you are trying to hide

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:41

Thats what I'm thinking imperial and casmama

He was in the US so maybe met someone there. They had an office party too

OP posts:
QueenCess · 20/12/2011 15:42

Just confront him casually asking why he had left the wrapper in your bag.

His reaction will tell you all you need to know.......

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:42

How can this be innocent deckthenhalls ? Genuine question

OP posts:
DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 20/12/2011 15:43

I think taking the phone to the loo is a very tenuous sign. DP does this all the time, because he likes to play Angry Birds and check the football scores while on the bog.

He's also the world's most monogamous person. I would never dream of suspecting him of infidelity because he takes his phone to the loo with him. That way madness lies.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:44

"He's also the world's most monogamous person. I would never dream of suspecting him of infidelity because he takes his phone to the loo with him. That way madness lies."

This is how I feel about my DP. But how would you feel if you found this after a business trip? Would you not doubt him?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 15:45

Show me just ONE MAN who buys condoms and uses them for masturbation. Just one.

OP, you've posted just two threads. One is that he needs space. The other is that he's brought a condom wrapper back from a trip away. You state he is over protective of his phone. You also state you're going to move in with him soon.

I think you would be absolutely crazy to do that. Really, really mad. If you do, you will be back on the relationships board before too long saying you've found something else that incriminates him. Please don't do it.

DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 20/12/2011 15:45

If he was staying in a hotel room he could have just had a wank with a condom on so as not to get embarrassing stains on the bedlinen. Some men do this.

I'm not saying it was definitely this. It could have been infidelity. Just that tidy wanking is a possibility worth considering before you panic.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:47

But he hates condoms.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 20/12/2011 15:47

Penny has dropped regarding other thread.

He came back from trip saying he needed space etc.

You had sex after 2 weeks apart and he went limp.

You've found a condom wrapper in the bag you leant him.

You say yourself "he's really not that bad" - this isn't good enough OP

He makes you feel insecure.

OP, you need to dump him

Good Luck

DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 20/12/2011 15:48

OP - I agree, if DP borrowed my suitcase for a trip and I found a condom wrapper in it I'd be Confused to say the least. But I'd ask him about it straight out.

I guess that's because I know DP is absolutely utterly vehemently anti-cheating and so I'd be more baffled than freaked out, but obviously I don't know much about your relationship so can't really say in your case. Context is so important.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 15:48

I find it almost impossible to believe a normal man would ever do that, even if there were condoms to hand, so to speak!

But the OP and the DP don't use condoms. He has no reason to have them there at all.

Are you suggesting he actually bought them for masturbatory purposes? Really?

nkf · 20/12/2011 15:49

Hmm. Let me see. Man goes away on a business trip. Returns with condom wrapper in his travel bag. Guys, this is going to sound a bit out there but bear with me. Could it be that he had sex with someone? What do you think?

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:53

"I guess that's because I know DP is absolutely utterly vehemently anti-cheating and so I'd be more baffled than freaked out."

So is my DP! I completely baffled and thrown.

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:55

Now I'm thinking what if it was mine? What if it got in there before he went? But Ive never used the bag, it lived under my bed and I remember opening it before he took it to check it was empty.

OP posts:
HairyNigel · 20/12/2011 15:56

It's not yours OP, you've already said you dont use them and you would have seen it

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 15:57

I know, I'm making myself crazy trying to think of an explanation. I feel sick.

OP posts: