Just found a condom wrapper

[KissMyShineyRedA]

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

If there is OW maybe she put it in there? Sorry to say but you will be better of well equipped with possibilities to put you in a more powerful position if you confront him

It would be in the bag because no doubt he packed them in there before he went. So when he leaned over to get them out, he chucked the top bit of the wrapper back in the bag when he opened one of the condoms.

Ask to borrow his phone to look something up like the local weather and see what he says/does.

No.

I dont know how I'm going to keep this inside. I'm not seeing him tonight. We're going away together over Christmas so will have plenty of time to watch and check his phone

What if I find nothing on his phone?

if its definately a condom wrapper confront him afterall you are supposed to be moving in with this guy

lets just hope it wasnt a trap to see if you go around snooping in his bag but then again why the change in behaviour

This "posh wank" thing ?

I have never, ever, in all my 40+ years heard of any bloke, ever do this

It gets trotted out on every one of these threads, and it is never the explanation for dodgy condom use either

perhaps this particular myth needs binning

This is the same man that came back from the business trip and then after spending just a couple of days with you said he needed some space isn't it? Didn't he also send you some links to articles explaining that 'space' was essential for a healthy relationship?

Haven't you also posted about him before saying you had doubts about his feelings for you?

I would keep stum and carry on as normal as possible and look for signs and evidence.

I really sincerely hope there is some innocent explaination but am sat here wondering what the hell that could be.

Please dont go to him yet with what you have found. IF he is upto no good he wont admit to anything based on a wrapper and instead create some tall story.

You need to be vigilant. Watch his mobile phone behaviour. Check his pockets, computer useage etc. Does his car mileage match with where he has been etc, bank statements, cash withdrawals, receipts etc, does he hide anything in his car, does he come to bed late. Just start being vigilant and taking it all in. Think where you would hide a secret phone or sim or condoms and look but do not let him know what you are doing. Try your best to be completely normal around him.

Unfortunately (talking from personal experience) Xmas is a crap time to have your suspicians aroused. Not least cos its Xmas but because normal work/home routines are disrupted as is spending etc. This makes it harder for you to discover anything out of the norm. IE: a reciept for some perfume, could be your Xmas pressie, extra mileage may be him Xmas shopping for you etc etc. Usually if someone is cheating on a regular basis they find time to incorporate it into their usual life routine. If he always goes to the Gym on a Tuesday for example - is he really going. If he always walks the dog at 9pm is he phoning someone etc etc.

IF there is someone else on the scene on a regular basis then it is quite likely over Christmas he/she will contact one another to (boak) wish each other a happy christmas and shit! Be extra vigilant Xmas eve, Xmas morning and NYE. I have caught my cheating H out twice like this. Me and the kids sat there on our bed xmas morning with the stockings waiting for DH to come back upstairs with a cuppa for us and him taking bloody ages, because he was wishing the OW a very happy christmas! The other time it was NYE, I found a text.

I really sincerely hope you find an innocent answer.

chubbasmum it was my bag!

anyfucker I agree

makeyourown yes, yes and yes.

Yes indeed AF.

Why would any man use a condom - which decreases sensation - to masturbate?

Don't geddit.

What?? it's OP's bag. You can't snoop in your own bag! And who would go to the trouble of buying condoms which they don't usually use, tearing the corner off and laying it as a trap in their GF's bag. If he's done that then I'd say definitely dump him immediately as he's a total nutter.
If you find nothing on the phone then that is better news than finding something on the phone. It is not conclusive of course. But most people who are having affairs send each other messages or phone each other and mobile is usual these days. If you find messages or phonecalls that are suspicious then you have a bit more to go on. If you don't...then just ask about the condom. But do the phone thing first. It's horrible to do that but if there is anything to find then you'll feel better once you know what you're dealing with.

Hmm -bit of a x-post as you were saying about him going floppy whilst I was typing my response. That does make it more suspicious and screams 'guilty conscience'. On the plus side, that's a lot more conscience than most wick-dippers have.

itsallgonetitsup thanks for the advice. And very apt name for this thread

ps thanks for the info re the posh wank thing. I thought it sounded a bit wierd but I have seen it written about before so that's why I mentioned it. I couldn't see any of my ex's doing that. Sorry to bring that up!

Oh ford god's sake....if there is a condom wrapper in a bag that only he and you have used - and it's not yours then he has had sex on his trip.

No other explanation. he has sex with someone.

Chubba she was not snooping, it was her bag that he borrowed.
OP I would speak to him.

right in that case confront him, i agree with Nancy66 he slept with someone and probably not the first time he`s done it

Do you know what OP? I'd fold.

Whether he's slept with someone else or not, your instinct has been telling you that all is not well for a while.

He doesn't make you feel good.

This should be such a happy time for you as a couple - christmas is on its way, you're going away together and then moving in with eachother in the new year. And itstead you're on pins.

Like I said, I'd fold. But I realise that's easy for me to say from the other side of a computer screen

I think I'll need to keep his phone for a few hours to see if anyone texts. But that's going to be hard.

Dont say anything to him YET. You dont want him to become more secretive if things are going on behind your back, you need more proof or you will just become the paranoid crazy lady who carnt trust (been there done that!!)
Phone - keep checking it on the sly, everyone makes mistakes sometimes maybe he will have forgot to delete something some day? Contact? Names that you have never heard him mention? Does it have a log on it so you can see what goes in & out?
Strange behaviour - sneaking off, coming home late, showering, possesive over belongings, does he have a car, hides car keys?
Has he said anything about business trip?
Has he cheated before?

makeyour I know it sounds like a shit relationship from my previous posts, but it's really not that bad. I usually just vent on here. We have great times too. Yes, he can be grumpy and needs his own space but he also takes me out, is very affectionate and caring. It's difficult to explain but I do really love this man and see a future with him. Only last night we started discussing having children in the future.