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Original poster

Just found a condom wrapper

582 replies

KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 14:54

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 23/12/2011 12:01

You're not married, you haven't got kids, you don't even live together.....why would you stick with it?

This explanations for how a condom wrapper could have got into his luggage are hilarious.

Dropped in by the chambermaid
accidentally picked up when gathering socks from drawer
planted by a jealous colleague.

......what about: he bought them and used them?

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 23/12/2011 12:07

I think it's easy to believe what you want to believe.
The only possible explanation for me is if it was there prior to his trip however only you would know if this is possible from your previous relationships etc

Gigondas · 23/12/2011 12:12

I know nancy . I feel for the op as between this thread and the one last weekend about guy needing time alone , it does seem a lot of hassle for this relationship

overmydeadbody · 23/12/2011 13:43

My DP wanted me to add that he too thinks it is all innocent, one reason being that Durex condoms are not the default brand to hand in the states.

And if you use Occam's razor the simplest explanation is that it was already in the bag, considering all the information we have.

Latsia · 23/12/2011 13:54

Sorry to wade in but fwiw I do not think that is the simplest explanation omdb.

It is OP's bag, she doesn't use condoms, her DP took it away with him.

Surely the simplest explanation is that he bought and used them?

I agree with Nancy66. We are very good at concocting complicated back stories (e.g. maybe he didn't call because he lost my number / had an accident / my phone line is down. Actually no he's just sitting on his sofa eating crisps and not calling you and he's NFI).

OP I agree if you're invested in this relationship you will need more evidence, and if you're happy to shelve your doubts for now then do so. But don't let the situation make a fool of you with utterly random explanations. You have very valid doubts, you choose to trust him, you choose to continue your relationship in spite of this. Make it your informed choice.

CalamityKate · 23/12/2011 14:34

Actually no he's just sitting on his sofa eating crisps and not calling you and he's NFI).

That made me laugh a lot Grin

I think it was the "eating crisps" bit Grin

999HELPMYPUDDINGSONFIRE · 25/12/2011 00:33

How are things OP?

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 27/12/2011 18:29

Thanks for asking 999. We had a lovely Christmas away.

It did pop in my mind a few times and I felt that gutted/sick feeling but it soon disappeared as he was very attentive, loving and spoilt me rotten.

We were away for 4 days, all alone in a very romantic setting and has sex twice Confused the first time we attempted it he lost it. It's just weird as he's never normally had this problem. Of course he has on the odd occasion, like trying to do it with my mother downstairs etc but it shouldn't have been a problem here. I just hope this passes as I was expecting a weekend of food, sex and Wine

OP posts:
Arachnophobic · 27/12/2011 19:25

Sorry to say it OP but I have read this thread over past few days and I genuinely feel you don't want to see what's staring you in the face.

Just because he still loves you/is very attentive doesn't mean he didn't cheat. Just because the garden is rosy doesnt mean he wouldn't.

And he lost it, away from home, in a romantic relaxed setting?

You really need to call time on this while you sort this in your mind once and for all.

ameliagrey · 27/12/2011 19:59

Only you know if the evidence could have been there when you gave him the bag.

come on- think hard! If it was a bag you never used, how could the wrapper be there? Please be honest with you.

I wonder what he would say if you told him that one slip up won't mean you would dump him?

and maybe you need to think on that- are you a one strike and you are out person- or could you forgive?

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 27/12/2011 20:08

I told him, if you tell me the absolute truth and something did happen we can work this out - just to see what he would say. He was adamant it wasn't his and he has no idea how it got there. His phone didn't go off once when we were away, doesn't prove anything though.

I'm just torn, I do believe him but it keeps popping into my mind.

Also, I have thought sooo so hard amelia. My room is such a mess and I have been doing clear outs due to moving, it may have got in there, I'll never know. I'm just pretty sure I checked it beforehand but maybe it was behind this flap inside.

I'm so torn and feel like I'm in limbo land now Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 27/12/2011 20:09

I wouldn't forgive him if something did happen.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 27/12/2011 20:14

I really feel for you -- it's such a horrible dilemma really.

Are you still planning to move in with him?

bejeezus · 27/12/2011 20:16

Surely, if the wrapper was in the bag when you gave it to him, he would have been asking YOU how it had got there??

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 27/12/2011 20:19

He said that a few hours later - should maybe be asking how it got in there?! But wasn't really serious.

Yes I'm looking forward to moving in together. We're just renting thanks to MN!

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 27/12/2011 20:39

bejeezus I can't believe it took more than 500 posts before someone made that stunningly brilliant observation. Really good point!

I guess I was thinking that delaying the move might be a good compromise between breaking up and pretending nothing happened.

You said he has some other issues to work on, so a delay would give you time to see if he's making progress in that area as well as seeing if there are other clues that perhaps something has happened.

ameliagrey · 27/12/2011 20:42

You sound a bit loopy in the nicest way!

If this were me, and I had a bag which I never used- you mean a suitcase/holdall type of bag?? -then I think I'd know if it had been lying around open in the past when I'd had sex with someone before curent DP and if it could have had a condom wrapper dropped in by accident.

If the bag was unused why would it be lying in your room, unzipped/whatever, in the right place for a wrapper to get into it?

I'm sorry but for me this doesn't add up. It's a chance in ...whatever.

what is more likely - very sorry- Sad is that after 2 floppy moments in as many weeks, your DP has something going on in his head that is affecting his erections.

It is too much of a coincidence, otherwise.

I think you need to talk to him- again.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 27/12/2011 20:48

I want to bring it up again but then I think whats the point. He'll just say the same thing. I don't think I can break up with him but I think never truly knowing is going to affect me. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 27/12/2011 20:50

Such a shitty thing. Wish it never happened

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2011 20:51

ahem

"StealthPolarBear Wed 21-Dec-11 21:54:00
HairyNigel, the OP's DP might also be wondering why she has a condom wrapper in her bag. I do agree OP if you have any doubt or are deluding yourself then do not give in but if you're genuinely satisfied then it's not a huge thing.
"

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2011 20:53

OP haveyou ever used condoms (pre DP)? Is this a brand you might have used?

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 27/12/2011 21:00

Yes I have used them, but not for ages. I got the bag in 2006/7 so it's been under there a whilw

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 27/12/2011 21:19

Oops! Sorry Stealth Blush Man I'm all over the place tonight, I probably shouldn't be mixing Baileys and cold medicine.

Kiss, I do understand why you feel it's not enough to break up with him. But I also think it's not a good idea to move in with someone unless you are feeling really confident about it. I'm a bit perplexed why you are moving forward, not so much because of this but in conjunction with some of his other issues. There's no harm in waiting 6 months and seeing if things have settled a bit.

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2011 21:21

:o it's OK I don't expect you to rememebr all the posts! Just the times when something I have said is considered clever are so few and far between I like to milk them when they do arise

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2011 21:22

hope you're dfeeling better soon, and I think I will join you in a baileys. Bet the OP needs one too