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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found a condom wrapper

582 replies

KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 14:54

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 21/12/2011 21:52

I asked for his phone straight after and he gave it to me. Checked everything. Nothing.

It was such a tiny piece and my room is a bit of mess usually Blush maybe it was there before but I didn't see...I don't know.

I thought it was a good sign too as he's just acting normal. It's hard to explain on here.

OP posts:
Newtothisstuff · 21/12/2011 21:53

He's probably gone for food to tell his ow that they have been caught out !!!!

StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2011 21:54

HairyNigel, the OP's DP might also be wondering why she has a condom wrapper in her bag. I do agree OP if you have any doubt or are deluding yourself then do not give in but if you're genuinely satisfied then it's not a huge thing.

Saturdaynightsprout · 21/12/2011 21:54

There's a big queue in that chip shop for 10 o'clock on a Wed night Xmas Hmm

moragbellingham · 21/12/2011 21:55

Go with your gut instinct as it's usually right.

Saturdaynightsprout · 21/12/2011 21:57

Look, I've been supporting you all thread Kiss but you said before half 9 that he'd "just gone to pick something up from the local chippy", but you're still posting on here at 21.52?

calypso2008 · 21/12/2011 21:58

kiss I think it is all fne, really. The hard part now is to just move on and try and forget about it!

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 21/12/2011 21:59

He came back a while ago but I've been posting on my pad.

He's never given me any reason to think cheating before. Ever.

OP posts:
Saturdaynightsprout · 21/12/2011 22:01

What? He's there and you're still posting? Something is fishy and it's not just the battered cod he's come back with.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 21/12/2011 22:04

Yes it's very easy to post on an iPad when someone's in the room with you.

I don't really get what's so strange? We talked for a good hour, he went out to get us food as I haven't eaten all day. He came back, we ate and I've been posting through all that.

OP posts:
Kyte · 21/12/2011 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saturdaynightsprout · 21/12/2011 22:06

I just think it seems a little disloyal talking to us all while he's there. Log off I reckon. Xmas Grin

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 21/12/2011 22:08

Well we've spoken now, I don't know what more to say to him. I've prodded and poked him. Maybe I'll wake up full of doubt, idk

OP posts:
ameliagrey · 21/12/2011 22:09

Why didn't you not mention the condom- but just say you thought he had cheated, or soemthing wasn't right?
Too late now but in some ways you made it easier for him to lie - if he is.

Sparks1 · 21/12/2011 22:10

Either way...

Jesus christ..

AKissIsNotAContract · 21/12/2011 22:13

The thing is OP you were having doubts about him in the other thread you started before you found the condom wrapper. Look at all his behaviour not just the condom wrapper.

Bluebelle38 · 21/12/2011 22:13

I have been in a situation where I had evidence an ex was cheating, I was on red alert after and my gut proved to be right.

There is a lot to be said for it.

Wanting to believ something is one one thing, gut instinct is another.

I hope you are OK, OP. I really think of all things that would come home in the mix of a business trip away, a condom wrapper corner is damning. It's not like an old serviette or a sugar packet... it's a condom wrapper.

I personally have never found that in a bag. My thinking is it got wrapped up in clothes. How does a corner of a condom wrapper fall into a closed bag when travelling? :(

I know you have a lot of support on here, OP, but I don't buy it at all. :(

deathbymincepies · 21/12/2011 22:20

I feel for you OP, it is a very difficult situation. I am speaking as someone who has divorced a cheating H so know what the world is like BUT there are innocent explanations for how a bit of paper can get from a to b without it meaning an affair.

One example - your partner chucks all his clothes in a hotel chest of drawers which contains a bit of condom wrapper from a previous guest, when chucking socks etc back in bag along comes the wrapper.

He could also be a cheating pig. It is very difficult and I don't know what to advise really. Just sending some support x

redrubyshoes · 21/12/2011 22:25

Kiss

Listen to that little voice inside of you in the future if you stay together, it rarely lies and be prepared for years of checking pockets, phones, wallets, bank statements and sleepless nights when he is away.

Good luck matey but remember that there is a guy out there for you who will save you all of that hassle Xmas Smile and you will love each other with a huge dollop of trust thrown in for free.

fiventhree · 21/12/2011 22:29

Well, who knows.

But Hairynigel is right about one thing. My h looked me in the eyes time and again, and swore he was innocent, and that he would never do such a thing.

And in retrospect, he never gt angry at my suspicions. Very understanding. Just like yours. That would be a telltale sign of guilt for me now.

dreamingbohemian · 21/12/2011 22:47

Oh god. The worst.

I also have gotten away with cheating, many many years ago in my youth, when I stupidly cheated on most of my boyfriends Blush I always got away with it. It's not actually that hard to lie, if you know that the consequences for being caught are so high. I had also built up a reputation as a 'bad liar' which made me seem even more trusting.

(Just want to say again this was YEARS ago!!!)

So I don't know what to say. I think in conjunction with some of the other things you mentioned, I would have a hard time believing him. I would, at the very least, not be rushing to move in with him.

I'm so sorry Sad

lubeybaublely · 21/12/2011 22:48

Well trust your gut then for now.

Someone earlier in the thread said that if he was telling the truth, he would react how he actually has reacted. And I agree.

dreamingbohemian · 21/12/2011 22:50

'Good luck matey but remember that there is a guy out there for you who will save you all of that hassle smile and you will love each other with a huge dollop of trust thrown in for free.'

Well said ruby -- this is so, so true.

DizzyCow63 · 21/12/2011 22:53

Thinking of you and hoping you are ok OP.

ameliagrey · 21/12/2011 23:08

He maintained eye contact, didn't look guilty at all throughout, even when I asked him straight out

Good liars use eye contact; they know that by looking away they appear guilty. it's actually more "natural and innocent" to look away- if you have seen anything on this on TV etc this is what has been found.

i know that when I have lied- white lies and nothing like this- I have purposely used good eye contact to appear truthful.

I think it's what happens from now that will be telling.