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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I've played with fire, what a huge mistake

197 replies

blueblueXmas · 18/12/2011 19:02

I had a very brief fling with a friend from my local pub. I have known him for years now and when I first met him I didn't know he was married, I didn't meet his wife until later on.

I know I probably sound like a hideous tart but in my defence I have been on my own for years, my self esteem is shit and I was lonely. it wasn't an affair more like 3 one night stands.

nothing has happened for several months and I have rejected any advances. I have stayed out of the way as much as possible.

fast forward to now, he has become a raving lunatic. he found out that my friend and I spent an evening chatting with some blokes that were on holiday and I was subjected to lots of snide texts which I ignored. there have been several more instances recently where he is really rude to me and then can't understand it when I don't really want to talk to him.

yesterday he sent a text saying are you going to ignore me forever? come over to the pub now or that's it.

my friend and I did pop over later and he ignored me and then when my friend went to the loo he laid into me.

shouting and swearing at me, asking what my Fucking problem was and saying I was out or order. I told him he was rude and childish and that wound him up even more. he then laid into my friend as well and we came home.

he sent abusive texts and left voicemails for the rest of the evening.

I am scared of what he might do next and I am so pissed off that my stupid bloody behaviour has meant that my social life in the village will now have to end. this means I will be alone for boxing day and New year when the kids are at their dads.

I feel sick with the stress. I know I have brought it on myself. but why does my life have to turn to shit while he carries on like normal.

OP posts:

MarinaAzul · 19/12/2011 23:44

That occured to me too, AF.
OP, how come you had sex with him on 3 seperate occasions? And, you said it was 'rubbish' too so why go back for more?
Are you telling the full story here, OP

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:05

OP, Stop being so down on yourself. You made a mistake. Three times. You wish you hadn't. That's the right response.

learn from your mistake, watch your drinking, hold your head up, move on.

Shagging a married bloke, contrary to some views on mumsnet , does not make you a despicable crreature, or slapper, or the devil incarnate.

There's a lot of inappropriate drunken shagging going on out there, and not just in villages.

Go to the pub.
Ignore mouthy bloke.
And deny.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 00:05

Lol marina, why do you think i am hiding something? You are obsessed with whether I am telling the whole story. Why would I come on here and lie? You've already slagged me off, what would I have to lose?

Hmm, I wasn't paraletic. I had had a few drinks but I knew what I was doing. Don't forget I did actually like him once upon a time. I wasn't thinking about the shag particularly, it was more about being with someone. It didn't particularly matter how good it was. Anyway, there are bloody hundreds of people on here moaning about their sex life, and most of them are married!

OP posts:

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:06

You have just reminded me I heard a spectacular piece of gossip about myself a few years back which was completely untrue

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:07

good point Blue.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 00:08

what was it jasper?

OP posts:

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:08

and no, you don't sound like a hideous tart. You sound like a rather lovely thoughtful person actually

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 00:09

aw thanks, you can come to the pub with me if you like

OP posts:

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:10

can't say on a public forum - and I would be accused of making it up

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:13

I'd love to come to the pub with you. sounds like we might live in the same village? It was in the village pub that my rumour started

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 00:19

They used to think I was a lesbian once lol

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 00:25

there were no phone calls or arrangements, just bloody drunken opportunities.

3 times.

That's a pattern, love

A destructive one. If Iwere your friend in RL, I would be telling you this. I would be asking why you appeared to be on a mission to self destruct. You have already wrecked your limited social life (by your own admission, not mine)..

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:30

seriously blue, forget it and move on. Go to the pub as normal. Keep out of shouty bloke's way. Any rumours will blow over and really, who cares?

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 00:44

let me reassure you i am not an alcoholic, i go out once/maybe twice a month and i have a few drinks

god the daily mail lot will be here in a minute to tell me how single mothers shouldn't be allowed to go out and who is paying for my drink anyway and where are my children while i'm shagging around

bed time for me

OP posts:

jasper · 20/12/2011 00:50

night night x

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 00:59

that is not what I said at all

you remind me of a poster that hasn't been around for a while

her name was TheLadyEvenStar

any regs will know what I am talking about

< swishes cloak and exits stage left >

JaneBirkin · 20/12/2011 08:37

I don't think she writes like tLES though.

OP - yes you were probably very foolish to get involved with this chap but it's not your fault he's behaving like a madman.

I'm torn between telling you to avoid everyone in your village (no one is prepared to take your side, clearly) and advising you to let all of them know the situation as he's got it in for you.

He could become physically abusive as well as verbally. Please be really careful, don't be out alone at night, keep everything locked.

And if he persists don't hesitate to log it with the police. He does sound unhinged.

JaneBirkin · 20/12/2011 08:39

What I mean is no matter what you did, with him, you shouldn't have to put up with his aggression and abusive behaviour. He might think you're in a position where you can't do anything to stop him, because that would mean telling people, so maybe he is on a power trip (nasty b*stard) but anyway if you are able to avoid any further contact with him, then please do so.

Helltotheno · 20/12/2011 10:37

Agreed. And deny deny deny op. Just hold your head up high and if anyone asks did anything go on, say 'as if'. He's unlikely to spill the beans anyway.
It'll all blow over....

See I'm worried he'll charm his way back into your good books and you'll cop off with him again. That won't happen op will it?

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 11:37

I'm sure any fucker knows I'm not the lady evenstar, she was trying to insult me lol.

I will not be going back there again, Nothing has happened for ages, must be nearly a year, I can't even remember.

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 11:48

No, BBX, you are deliberately misunderstanding (again)

I am pointing out to you that getting defensive and then trying to imply that posters are attacking you on the grounds of class, marital status and "who is paying for your drinks" seems to be a common denominator here

nobody did that...but if you want to think that is why people are trying to give you common sense advice, then that is your prerogative, of course

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 12:22

lol you are trying to imply a drink problem and I don't. even if I did, it does not give someone the right to shout at me and send abusive texts.

you are of course entitled to your opinon, but it happens to be wrong.

OP posts:

MarinaAzul · 20/12/2011 12:23

Not sure if OP is delibertely misunderstanding or just doesn't get it.
Enough advice has been given now and you know what to do, OP., So may I suggest you read some self help books on self esteem and the like and perhaps branch out a bit from the villiage and make some new friends.
This thread has run it's course.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 20/12/2011 12:35

are you quite mad marina? I'm not sure It's up to you decide when a thread has run It's course. you are bizarre.

anyhoo much as I'd love to hang around and argue over irrelevant details, I have Christmas to be getting on with.

thank you to the posters who offered advice without having to give me a verbal kicking, I appreciate it.

OP posts:

MarinaAzul · 20/12/2011 12:51

You deserved it.
Yes, this thread has run it's course, that doesn't mean it will stop. Just means it is no longer serving any purpose. (sigh).
Hope you have learned something.
Bye.

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