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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I've played with fire, what a huge mistake

197 replies

blueblueXmas · 18/12/2011 19:02

I had a very brief fling with a friend from my local pub. I have known him for years now and when I first met him I didn't know he was married, I didn't meet his wife until later on.

I know I probably sound like a hideous tart but in my defence I have been on my own for years, my self esteem is shit and I was lonely. it wasn't an affair more like 3 one night stands.

nothing has happened for several months and I have rejected any advances. I have stayed out of the way as much as possible.

fast forward to now, he has become a raving lunatic. he found out that my friend and I spent an evening chatting with some blokes that were on holiday and I was subjected to lots of snide texts which I ignored. there have been several more instances recently where he is really rude to me and then can't understand it when I don't really want to talk to him.

yesterday he sent a text saying are you going to ignore me forever? come over to the pub now or that's it.

my friend and I did pop over later and he ignored me and then when my friend went to the loo he laid into me.

shouting and swearing at me, asking what my Fucking problem was and saying I was out or order. I told him he was rude and childish and that wound him up even more. he then laid into my friend as well and we came home.

he sent abusive texts and left voicemails for the rest of the evening.

I am scared of what he might do next and I am so pissed off that my stupid bloody behaviour has meant that my social life in the village will now have to end. this means I will be alone for boxing day and New year when the kids are at their dads.

I feel sick with the stress. I know I have brought it on myself. but why does my life have to turn to shit while he carries on like normal.

OP posts:

WhizziesMum · 19/12/2011 09:48

Does he ever go to the pub with his wife?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2011 09:57

what a shame you got defensive on your thread, OP

you were rather naive to think anyone wouldn't take issue with you shagging a married man

I know you are lonely (from another thread) but is this the best you could do ?

I would rather be alone

There seems to be a lot of stupid drinking goes on at this pub, you included (you said you shagged him 3 times, I presume after getting blotto, and taking him back to your house)

perhaps you should look at just how much you drink, if it leads to behaviour like this, and the inevitable fall-out from it

just a thought

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:07

this is the first time he has had a go at me in public, previously it has been stupid texts. I set up my phone to send an auto reply saying that my phone has blocked his texts. he won't realise that it doesn't work like that. I haven't responded to his messages. he knocked on my door Friday night and I ignored it.

nothing has happened between us for ages. this has all kicked off because I have been ignoring him and pointing out how bloody rude he is.

yes his wife does go to the pub.

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2011 10:08

It will be a shame not to go to the pub though as it is a community thing and the rest of the village will be in there. everyone except the local slapper

who are you referring to here ?

AndYourCarrots · 19/12/2011 10:12

I took it op was referring to herself, as in that's how she thinks she will be treated and he remains blameless.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:12

I haven't posted on any othet threads, so not sure what you are referring to.

I am not being particularly defensive. I'm just not sure how useful stating the obvious is. I am hardly crowing about what I've done, I've already said I was stupid etc etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:13

yes I meant me.

OP posts:

MarinaAzul · 19/12/2011 10:13

Another silly OP shagging a pathetic MM and looking for sympathy and support.
Grow up, get your own man and have a bit of respect for his wife and maybe yourself (tho. I find it hard to have any for you)

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2011 10:16

OK. I am with you. I agree with the "double standards" thing actually, that annoys the hell out of me.

I must be getting you mixed up with another poster with "blue" in her name. There is a lighthearted thread going about how she is lonely without a bloke, so it turned into a bit of "I can suggest X, Y, Z" fella

Helltotheno · 19/12/2011 10:18

I was under the impression the op posted for advice, not sympathy and support. So you're absolutely perfect then MarinaAzul?

catherinea1971 · 19/12/2011 10:21

The OP is aware what she did was wrong, people in glass houses......who hasn't made mistakes and fucked up in their time?
I don't know what to suggest really, he sounds very abusive going on what you have said so I would be careful what actions you take. It may be prudent however to go and speak to the local police, maybe not to make a formal complaint but to have his behaviour logged which may prove helpful if you do have to make a formal complaint in the future.
I will say again that his behaviour towards you make me wonder what he is like behind closed doors with his wife.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:21

yeah thanks marina.

OP posts:

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:22

yeah thanks marina.

OP posts:

MarinaAzul · 19/12/2011 10:26

Absolulely not Hello, I had an affair with a MM (more that 18 mts ago ) and made a fool of myself ,got hurt badly, etc.
I thought the sex was amazing, we were so destined to be together, so much chemistry........
Looking back I see it as sordid and sad.
So Hell, concentrate on the OP, please , and give her your advice, try not to 'have a pop' at the other posters along the way. It makes you look silly.

noddyholder · 19/12/2011 10:28

You continued a relationship even though you knew he was married. You went to a pub knowing what would happen using your friend as an excuse. You could have stayed home with a bottle of wine and a take away. There is no reason why you can't block his number and get a grip.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:28

I've never heard any stories of him hurting her but I agree, he is probably unpleasant to live with, particularly when he's been drinking.

OP posts:

MarinaAzul · 19/12/2011 10:28

Welcome blue, work on your esteem and you may find some self respect (may, I said, doubtful tho)

AndYourCarrots · 19/12/2011 10:33

In light of what you have revealed about yourself Marina I'm surprised you can't be a little more constructive, rather than spiteful to the op.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:34

it wasn't a relationship. I didn't know what would happen on Saturday night. sex was Crap.

OP posts:

catherinea1971 · 19/12/2011 10:35

Well he doesn't have to be 'hurting' her for him to be abusing her...I would be very surprised is she isn't being abused on some level.

Having a go at the OP isn't very constructive, she is well aware that she was wrong, however HE is the married one here and it is HIS behaviour that the OP is asking for help with...

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:36

thanks again marina.

OP posts:

AndYourCarrots · 19/12/2011 10:38

Sounds like marina is still pretty disgusted with herself and is just projecting, rather nasty actually.

Original poster

blueblueXmas · 19/12/2011 10:40

no I realise that, my gut feeling is that things are fairly even at home.

OP posts:

catherinea1971 · 19/12/2011 10:45

Maybe op, but I doubt it....

It is sad that some people on MN feel justified in berating others for their actions....if you read the opening post properly Blue was looking for advise on how to deal with this mans behaviour, she has admitted that she was wrong seeing this idiot after she realised he was married, so shoot her, she's not the first and won't be the last, however she does not deserve to be on the receiving end of his nasty behaviour or indeed the vitriol that has been meted out by some on here.

Helltotheno · 19/12/2011 10:47

It makes you look silly.

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