please help-answered phone to ow had no idea- now sick to stomach, going crazy

[sowhatamigoingtodonow]

please help anyone who has experienced this.

dh was asleep night before last and i took his phone, from under his pillow where he always keeps it, jealously guards (i know i know all clear now) to call my own phone as couldn't find it. then a girl called i answred, she asked for dh, i told her he's sleeping, she asked me to tell him to call her back..and then 'but who are you/ i'm his wife, who are you/etc' and she told me she met him last week in a bar and they have met a couple of times since and had sex. she was very apologetic, said there was no way she would have slept with him if she knew he was married, etc

i woke him, afraid i did attack him physically but our dd (2) was in the bed so i had to stop.
he started lying and lying and finally only admitted the very bare minimum he couldn't deny. i did convince him by speaking very calmly and quietly that he had to give all details. he complained that it was very uncomfortable to talk about and was angry to be asked questions
he went outside to smoke and i locked him out so he slept in the car i think, in the morning i'm afraid i attacked him twice more. i'm not a violent person normally but when i saw him i literally flew into a ballistic rage and wanted to kill him. i'm only sorry that i'm so f-ing feeble i couldn't really do him damage. and sorry because the kids saw me (DDs 2 and 4yrs)

my ds is home from uni for 3 weeks only so i do not want to give him this drama and put him in the terrible position of having to defend me. and my whole family (sister/brother/dad and gf and her 2 kids are coming to stay for 2 weeks from next week)
this is a really special xmas we've been planning for months and i can't fuck it up for everyone by being a crazy fucking mess with a cheating shitbag dh.
i just had to get away yesterday, took ds for a night away visiting my friend.
today i have to go back
getting away with ds i managed to stop the uncontrollable crying
but i don't know if i can control myself physically when i see dh. i just want to take a stick and beat him and beat him
i don't know if we can seriously survive this. i can't stomach the thought of staying but i seriously just wish this had never happened. or even that i didn't know. seriously. it's too much to cope with
2 days ago i was happy now i'm mad with hate
what can i do?

Either that or we must all STOP engaging. Difficult I know as new people will pile in without reading the thread, and I was one of the first to say 'stop the hitting' but I hope I did it with a bit of compassion and common sense on my side.

Have reported Bubble's last post.

"You can tell the people who are single on this thread and why btw."

Really? Wow, do you have a crystal ball Bubble? I've been with my husband for 17 years since I was 16 and he's never cheated. I just happen to feel some empathy for a poor woman who's life has been turned upside down, and find it absoultely abhorrent that she has been attacked so bloody cruelly on here!

OP I agree with those that have said to start a new thread, hopefully the haters will find something else to amuse their tiny minds.

Decent people wouldn't be having a go at people for pointing out subjecting a child to violence is abusive. Especially if it can't be guaranteed it won't happen again..

You want to read the posts from women admitting to pummeling their husbands, that reveals a lot about the posters. Violent and nasty, not being able to take another pov. People justifying op. I expect the next time a woman has been hit, you tell her it's understandable.

It is really no wonder how certain posters ended up so bitter is it oh and dumped. Keep the abuse coming though.

Bullies, violent abusers, and bitter, nice.

Stevies why don't you go away?

VIC dickheads? You old charmer ;) Are you aware of the definition of hysterical? I don't feel too hysterical.
Mmm, violence is acceptable in some situations then. I'd fucking love it if a police officer had that opinion and they were trying to deal with someone I cared about.

OP, I read through your thread and am so sorry and angry by many of the responses you have had. I can only imagine that it has made your awful situation worse. Ignore and as suggested start a new thread and hopefully this time you can get good advice (and Bubble and the like will have got bored with your story and will be off making someone else's life a misery).

Who are this saintly brigade? None of us is perfect at the best of times. Lashing out physically is never to be condoned but I for one will stick my hand up and say I tried to land a punch on my exP (all 6 foot 4 of him) when I found out about his philandering. Oh yes, I also smacked my 4-year-old DD once when she bit her baby cousin for about the 50th time in an afternoon, and the dog on a rare occasion has made contact with my foot too. Rare flashes of lack of self-control, not a reflection of a violent streak in me. It will be the same for the OP.

VIAT, you have been fantastic in your repeated attempts to direct this thread to helping the OP. Your job also offers you an insight into domestic violence. I have a new regard for the police

Oh yes, I also smacked my 4-year-old DD once when she bit her baby cousin for about the 50th time in an afternoon, and the dog on a rare occasion has made contact with my foot too. Rare flashes of lack of self-control, not a reflection of a violent streak in me

Hardly the same thing is it.

OP hope you are ok.

If you have started a new thread, please pm me (or anyone else who knows if she has)

this thread outlived it's usefulness yesterday evening, IMO

AF you are right.

I hope she starts a new thread though. I have only used MN for three months since my own crisis, and hadnt realised there were so many crazies on here, as well as lovely ladies such as Vicar and yourself. Even Soid gold disappointed, and she is usually sound. Sigh.

Maybe its the time of year.

What a nasty thread this turned out to be and solid gold for the RL Mumsnet haters . I hope the OP gets better support in RL than she did here in the end

I am with AF! In fact i would rarely disagree with her on a relationship thread >. Some of the comments on here are amongst the worst I have ever seen on MN. Some people should be ashamed of themselves.

Just catching up, now both my young children are in bed. sowhatamigoingtodonow/ long groan please pm me to if you start a new thread with a new name too. Hope you're ok tonight.

Vicarinatutu - your posts today were well said.

Evil, blah, blah, blah....violent blah, blah, blah.....abusive, blah, blah, blah.... hide every child in the vicinity from you Kerry...

Think that about covers it.

Has anyone started a new thread to discuss the issues on this one ie whether or not it's OK to be violent after infidelity is discovered?
(I have nothing else to say to or about the OP.)

Start one yourself if you feel so strongly about it, sgb

Bit late as per, but been lurking. I'm another one who hopes you can get some support from MN, for what you're going through. This is the first thread I've ever read on here that's made me feel like it's a bit cold outside, iykwim.

aww, PP

I know what you mean < brrrr >

Not to worry , I have , plenty for everyone.

Hmm....#withdraws offer at the thought of the massive drunken brawl that might follow....#