please help-answered phone to ow had no idea- now sick to stomach, going crazy

[sowhatamigoingtodonow]

please help anyone who has experienced this.

dh was asleep night before last and i took his phone, from under his pillow where he always keeps it, jealously guards (i know i know all clear now) to call my own phone as couldn't find it. then a girl called i answred, she asked for dh, i told her he's sleeping, she asked me to tell him to call her back..and then 'but who are you/ i'm his wife, who are you/etc' and she told me she met him last week in a bar and they have met a couple of times since and had sex. she was very apologetic, said there was no way she would have slept with him if she knew he was married, etc

i woke him, afraid i did attack him physically but our dd (2) was in the bed so i had to stop.
he started lying and lying and finally only admitted the very bare minimum he couldn't deny. i did convince him by speaking very calmly and quietly that he had to give all details. he complained that it was very uncomfortable to talk about and was angry to be asked questions
he went outside to smoke and i locked him out so he slept in the car i think, in the morning i'm afraid i attacked him twice more. i'm not a violent person normally but when i saw him i literally flew into a ballistic rage and wanted to kill him. i'm only sorry that i'm so f-ing feeble i couldn't really do him damage. and sorry because the kids saw me (DDs 2 and 4yrs)

my ds is home from uni for 3 weeks only so i do not want to give him this drama and put him in the terrible position of having to defend me. and my whole family (sister/brother/dad and gf and her 2 kids are coming to stay for 2 weeks from next week)
this is a really special xmas we've been planning for months and i can't fuck it up for everyone by being a crazy fucking mess with a cheating shitbag dh.
i just had to get away yesterday, took ds for a night away visiting my friend.
today i have to go back
getting away with ds i managed to stop the uncontrollable crying
but i don't know if i can control myself physically when i see dh. i just want to take a stick and beat him and beat him
i don't know if we can seriously survive this. i can't stomach the thought of staying but i seriously just wish this had never happened. or even that i didn't know. seriously. it's too much to cope with
2 days ago i was happy now i'm mad with hate
what can i do?

i made two posts bubbles and one was mocking steve

thats hardly showing form for coming on here just to argue with steve

in actual fact i have made 4 posts in total - two in response to you!

my counter argument would be

Nice.

"... unless they at least accept that they shouldn't have done it. Op doesn't seem particularly worried about her behaviour. How do we know it isn't a regular occurence anyway?"

she has said at least twice that i have read that she shouldn't have done it.

she saidit isn't a regular occurance . i think you are just willfully not reading things

ive reported loads of people

I've reported my dog for being a bitch. Haha see I can be funny too custard. You can call me Steve sweetie.

and you can call me custard darling

Oops sorry I should have read the full thread before daring to post in such an abusive manner. My apologies. I feel so guilty now :(

Oh custard

Shouldn't we stick to trying to support the OP to move forward?

Yes we should. Op how are ya? Feeling better?

haven't read all the thread has its very long but i think its too much to be coping all by your self and not telling anyone. if you tell your family they an help you get through it and your anger may just die down a bit. sorry your going through this near xmas the timing is lousy.men

.violence is bad are you all telling me your all perfect and you wouldent go for the husband if it happened to you then your all saints then

arf at Custardo being driven around by Starsky and Hutch

i do think OP should start a new thread since this has descended into farce, and i agree with the poster who said she would rather chew her own fingers off than look for support in something like this, the mud slinging is pathetic.

she fully admitted what she did, she certainly didnt sound proud of it, she didnt strike me at all as some kind of serial abuser - more that she reacted in the heat of the moment, and that her feelings of hurt overwhelmed her.

it has amazed me that in this, where a womans life has just imploded, the sympathy lies with her husband who has cheated with impunity, obviously hasnt given a toss about his wife or his children before embarking on a seedy little tryst, yet the woman should have thought of the children before trying to lamp him one? how about he should have thought about his children before getting his dick out?

So she should what?
hand herself in to the police and pack her children off to Social services?
why keep going about her hitting him?
she is past that now. she needs to find a way of getting through what may well be the darkest days of her life.

he thinks that he can sit at home and wait for her to talk to him? he obviously thinks this can be worked out, with a few words?

dont talk to me about double bloody standards. they are written all over this thread, by those who would sympathise with a philandering git, while blaming the wife for her reaction to his cheating.

madness.

Rubbish VIT. If a man had found out his wife was cheating and then attacked her several times people would be outraged. Towards the man.

well go and be outraged somewhere that cares then, because right now, this thread has been written by someone who is in need of support, and it is just being hijacked by dickheads who have missed the point.

why turn this into a broader issue?

There is a difference between serial domestic abuse and a heat of the moment reaction. those who say not are missing the point, and thinking they are taking the moral high ground. youre not. your being ridiculous and hysterical.

i would never condone violence ever, but this is farcical.

Vicar you aren't reading the same thread.

I don't think many if anyone has said Ohhhhhhhhhhh poor hubby. He has been a shit.

Violence is not the answer, not in front of the kids. So op needs to address this and not be alone with him if she doesn't think she can control that. People are addressing is, because it's relevant. Especially as she can't guarantee it won't happen again.

What is so hard to understand? Or do you just like stirring up shit with people and justifying violence as long as it's against a cheating man? The only person who has come in arguing this afternoon is you, and it's unbelievable double standards. Telling people to go away, twisting words.

On every dv thread now, lets write she deserved it, he must have been outraged and shocked. People want mn to be a campaign hub in the press for dv, with shit like this on forums.

They'll be ripped to shreds.

You can tell the people who are single on this thread and why btw.

Well said Vicar, I have been seething this afternoon reading some of these posts. My heart goes out to OP, the poor poor woman and her DC. She seems to have disappeared, not surprising really. Stevies you really are pathetic and should leave this thread you really do not sound like a very nice person.

can you tell who is single? really? wow. such insight

i grew up in and out of care because of DV issues.
i left home at 15.
im now a police officer.
ive been married for 21 years to the same man (who has never cheated)

i am also a human being, with compassion and understanding for situations even when wrong has been done, even when crime has been committed. it is called being human.

i have probably dealt with more DV situations than youve had hot dinners by now, and what i have learned is you treat people with humanity, you listen, you try to help, you point of the wrong, you deal with the wrong,

how are you managing with the lack of oxygen up there, on that high horse?

OP - im going to leave this now, but if you would like some support, and im sure you are going to need it, do begin a new thread, and PM me.

i use other names aswell. i will not out you.
do take care of yourself, and your family.

Bubble - if you had applied yourself to reading posts properly earlier you would have known vicar is a police officer. It's perfectly clear from her posts.

You are way out of line on this thread. In fact you have posted some seriously unpleasant things. Just stop and think for a moment - there is a woman out there reading this who is at her lowest ebb. She's asking for help. She's not boasting. She's not strutting. She's asking for help - and your posts are what she gets? You need to think seriously about how you come across on line because if you're any sort of a decent person you won't like what this threads shows you to be.

Oh for fuck's sake bubble.

Well said VIAT.

OP I think it might be time to go elsewhere with this, and we'll find it.

name change obviously.