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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I always said I would leave him if he hurt me, and now that day has come

305 replies

spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 10:45

Ive been on here before. Several times, seeking help and advice. Each time Ive received it. Each time, Ive lived on in denial.

Last night he grabbed me from my throat, and his fist was inches away from my face. DD (2.5) slept moments away in the next room. He pushed me out of the room and my head banged into the wall. I vomited with shock and because my throat choked from where he had grabbed me. He called me a whore continuously. I cried all night. This morning he woke up and said i want you gone by the time i come back, or I will smash your face.

I am at university here, so I cannot move from this city. Im in the process of finding accomodation from the university. If they cant do anything, I'll go to a refuge. Anywhere to get out of here.

I havnt told my mum. I lost my dad in may this year, and I just cant share it with her just yet.

I just need someone to hold my hand I suppose.
Really heartbroken and need a shoulder.

OP posts:
NotJustClassic · 05/12/2011 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onemorning · 05/12/2011 15:51

What Classic said.

I'm sure your Mum means well, but getting it in the open means calling the police.

dustlandfairytale · 05/12/2011 15:53

I have reported an assault by my husband this am. (he has already left me). It was terrible picking up the phone but once I started speaking it was fine. They were very nice and made it easy. Do it op. I completely understand about your devastation for your childs future, but you are doing your very best to safeguard your childs future. She needs her mother healthy and happy and strong. Hang on to that.

cestlavielife · 05/12/2011 15:58

no no no;
no talking!!
let police talk to him about what happened.

just get out of there with mum and brother and go!

for your dd sake

TracyK · 05/12/2011 16:17

Is your mum a bit old school when it comes to husband and wife issues?
I'd just jump in the car when they arrive and not let them get a word in.

TracyK · 05/12/2011 16:18

You can always tell a white lie if they want to stay and confront him - and say he's working till 10pm or something!

Hulababy · 05/12/2011 16:20

Please report his attack. You may need that evidence later when you need to arrange residency or access for your dd.

MistletoeAndFlump · 05/12/2011 16:21

It's fantastic that your mum & brother want to help but doesn't sound like she has much experience of DV (which is obviously a good thing...).

Sitting him down and talking to him won't achieve anything, sadly. But you are packing so I'm assuming the 'talk' wouldn't be to try and rescue the relationship anyway.

I do completely understand that you feel devastated your child won't be brought up by both her parents - but you know that the 'perfect magical childhood' you want for her will never happen with this man, don't you? The one chance you have of giving her that is to get away from him, protect her from him, and give her and you a new life.

Trust me, one day you will look back at today and see it as the beginning of the rest of your life Smile

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 05/12/2011 16:28

No talking, be clear on this, enlist big brother in getting you out quickly.

Mezby · 05/12/2011 16:46

OP I have no experience in this matter but I do know that you really should report this to the police, as numerous people have mentioned it will help with any future custody arrangements but mainly so they have a record should he become violent again. If he's done it once he won't hesitate to do it again, particularly in light of his threat this morning. He will probably become
more hostile now you're leaving him. Please, please please report him. Everyone on here is so concerned for you and your DD.

Eglu · 05/12/2011 17:06

I know you have said already that you don't want to report it to the police but you absolutely need to. Most importantly to protect your dd. It will help you massively down the line, when it comes to formally ending your marriage. I know that is not something you want to think about atm, but is important.

bishthefish · 05/12/2011 17:35

Please do not arrange to meet with your partner to discuss On the basis of the fact that he has attacked you already it's unsafe for you to do so. Please contact the police for help. It doesn't sound like your mother is acknowledging the seriousness of his behaviour.

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 05/12/2011 17:39

I'm sure your Mum is shocked by what has happened and it's implications for the end of the relationship. Of course it is very sad.
But agree with not considering staying and talking. Leave with them as soon as they get there if you can ( or very brief chat with them both to explain seriousness of situation)
Then enlist brothers support and back to your Mum's with dd ASAP.

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 05/12/2011 17:42

Hope you're busy leaving right now given time is now 5.30pm.

Bossybritches22 · 05/12/2011 17:55

Hopefully the next time we hear from her it'll be from the safety of her mums house.

Fingers crossed......never have I wanted to storm MNHQ & demand someones details as much as I have on this thread. Smile

Anniegetyourgun · 05/12/2011 18:41

The "talk" might end up with your brother clocking him one, which would be a bad thing because then he would be the one in trouble instead of the real culprit.

DerridasDerriere · 05/12/2011 18:47

You need to speak to the police.

I honestly dont understand why you dont want to do this.

FabbyChic · 05/12/2011 18:47

Hey there, I hope you got out in time, you can move your course to a Uni nearer your mother you are going to need the support, and the further away from him you are the better.

Contact the CSA as soon as you are able and ensure you get any benefits you are entitled to.

See a solicitor with regards to if you are entitled to any monies in recompense of what you have put into the house fund.

Report him to the police and do it quickly.

spareroomsleeper · 05/12/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaBrussels · 05/12/2011 19:35

Hope you're safe OP

Onemorning · 05/12/2011 19:35

Hello lovely
I didn't see your last message, I hope everything is okay. x

Bossybritches22 · 05/12/2011 19:39

Derridas I think it's taken the OP a while to get to this point, reporting her DH is a big step for her & possibly one she is not up to taking today. Keeping herself & her DD safe is the priority just now.

Hope you are OK SpareRoom.

QueenCess · 05/12/2011 20:52

Anyone know what the O.P last message said?

Pantofino · 05/12/2011 20:55

Hope you are with your mum and safe!

hackneyzoo · 05/12/2011 20:56

Queen, I think she mentioned her dd's rl name so maybe she had it pulled?