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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H has capped my household spending.

424 replies

carla · 07/01/2006 22:48

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OP posts:
MrsSpoon · 07/01/2006 23:14

colditz, that's what I was trying to say, is he giving Carla £1,200 a month (which for the record is also far more than I have at my disposal a month) whilst he has control over a much larger sum, £8,000 or the like.

Original poster
carla · 07/01/2006 23:14

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OP posts:
munz · 07/01/2006 23:15

so what's he gone from and proposing to go to? and is there any reason for it other than he want's to be an arse? are you having money probs/does he feel you over spend?

Flossam · 07/01/2006 23:15

But even some of the most wealthy people surely need to set themselves a limit on how much they are spending. And I think Carlas is bordering on the ridiculous. What does you husband do Carla? You have oftened lamented you relationship on here, and yet you are still there. Why?

colditz · 07/01/2006 23:15

Well, what situation were you in before, that you now feel deprived?

I actually feel if anyone is being financially abused, it is Carla's husband. Having no control over what someone else spends the family income on is gutwrenching. I am not surprised he has set a limit, I am only surprised it is so high.

KateF · 07/01/2006 23:16

What do you mean by household things Carla? Are you paying insurance, TV licence etc? Sorry you feel hurt by your DHs attitude but it does come over as though he is trying to get you to budget a bit more and on that amount of money he would seem to have a point!

Caligula · 07/01/2006 23:17

I agree with PPH. It's outrageous that you only have £1200 per month to spend if he is clearing a million a month, otherwise, I'm struggling to understand your problem.

hunkermunker · 07/01/2006 23:17

Sure about what? Being hateful? Yes, I'd be livid and shrew-like!

Original poster
carla · 07/01/2006 23:17

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OP posts:
MrsSpoon · 07/01/2006 23:18

Also if he has got control of the bigger pot (so to speak) is Carla made aware of what is being done with the money. In our house DH has 'control' if you want to put it that way of the larger part of our earnings but I am fully aware of what they are spent on and plans for saving/investing. These are things that we consult each other about.

Heathcliffscathy · 07/01/2006 23:18

hang on hang on....everything is relative isn't it....and i'm totally unclear as to what the situation actually is....

Pruni · 07/01/2006 23:19

Message withdrawn

munz · 07/01/2006 23:19

yes agree money should be discussed and comprimises should bemade, we're equal pretty much with spending.

carla - why does it matter so much it's tonight? are u unable to pay the tax bill in 3 weeks time?

colditz · 07/01/2006 23:19

Carla, what has he landed you in? Are you saying you can't run a house on £1200 per month? What percentage of your total joint income is being allocated to you to buy household luxeries and food?

mazzystar · 07/01/2006 23:19

carla do you have to pay your mortgage out of that?

batters · 07/01/2006 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nutcracker · 07/01/2006 23:20

What exactly do you have to pay out of the £1200 ?

Aloha · 07/01/2006 23:21

I'm finding this really confusing tbh.

Original poster
carla · 07/01/2006 23:22

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OP posts:
PrincessPeaHead · 07/01/2006 23:22

but even if he is clearing a huge multiple of that a month, I still don't think it is outrageous of him to cap it at 1200. There is still only so much you can spend on bleach, shampoo and clothes, and if he is earning many multiples of what she gets given, as my dh does, he doesn't bloody spend it on a maserati a month, he spends what he likes (and not enough on clothes IMO! they are all ancient) and the rest gets invested for all of us. I'm lucky enough to get more than Carla does (although I do manage to do my sainsbury's shop out of it lol), and it does mount up, and every so often I clear it down by paying the school fees, or for a holiday, or the bloody roofer, or something. Or I tell him to stop paying me for a few months. But I'd never whinge about it on mumsnet fgs.

sparklymieow · 07/01/2006 23:23

1200!! Thats more than triple than I have left after I had paid all the bills and brought food etc...

Spidermama · 07/01/2006 23:23

My dh would never even pretend he has the power to cap anything. I wouldn't take it. We're equals and we trust each other.

Pruni · 07/01/2006 23:23

Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 07/01/2006 23:23

Carla, without knowning more, it's impossible to say whether he's being unreasonable or not.

  1. How much did you used to get from him?

  2. How much does he have for himself?

  3. What does he pay for?

  4. What do you pay for?

flutterbee · 07/01/2006 23:23

Carla sorry if I sounded harsh, but your post did come accross as if you wanted sympathy and I don't think you will get it with the kind of figures you have to play with.

I don't actually think that you are angry with him because he has capped yuor spending to X amount I think you are angry at him because he has capped your spending at all. IYSWIM

Take a step back and think is it the amount that bothers you (I'm sure you can work with £1200 no matter what you used to) or is it the fact he has done it at all?