H has capped my household spending.

[carla]

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It is nuts, isn't it!

No Galaxy, was more to the general "leave Carla alone" posts further down the thread.

I agree with you hm as I said in my post people were asking questions non really personal (the money questions can't be classed of personal when she bought the figures up to begin with) and she picked and chose which ones to answer changing her answers everytime. That was why I too got so pi*d off with the whole thing.

Completely agree with Pucca. While I agree that £1200 sounds a lot (more than I spend, and we are a high income household), I've found a lot of the posts on here very distasteful. I think that Carla hasn't articulated her problem very well, tbh, and it has been confusing to work out the situation. But the confusion has also resulted out of the ignorance of some members and from some people clearly not having read Carla's original post properly. The tax bill, I think, is really noone's business and does not necessarily mean Carla is a high earner. She may be self-employed.

And while as I said above £1200 is a lot, most of us on here have a mortgage/the rent to pay, and £1200 in addition to that would mean a huge outgoing. But Carla's husband isn't making any contribution to the rent/mortgage! Carla has taken care of this (although I am unclear because I haven't read all the posts whether the she is paying the mortgage herself or it has been paid off).

It's worth bearing in mind that when a relationship is wretched, it is often easier to focus on and get worked up about things that are not the main issue. This seems to me to be about trust, control, intimacy and partnership. Carla is having a hard time of it - and yes, some of it may be self-inflicted - and she deserves at least some support.

It's quite simple. If you post on here for the "MN jury" to say whether you're being reasonable or not, then refuse to answer anything further, people will post suggestions of what they think the situation is and ask further questions.

If you don't want that to happen, don't post in the first place.

I just think it is distasteful tbh, i don't like the way it has turned into a bitch about the poor woman, and if people are so disgusted about how much Carla has to spend on what ever and are so confused bla bla bla then why keep posting??? It is the same comments and questions over and over and over again.

So she isn't answering...Can you blame her?!?! Being asked to justify what she spends what on, FGS, i wouldn't answer either after reading the way this thread has gone on and on...

I can understand her nor wanting to answer now Pucca I really can, but from the very very begining she has refused to answer questions and any comments she did make totally contradicted her op.

presumeably she has no rent because she is in forces accommodation....

amazed this is still going.

£2000 pm in sainsburys is quite some achievement. she must have fabulous nectar points!

I think she is a fantasist personally

at the nectar points

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I actually think that not only is the sum of money irrelevent but what it is spent on is irrelevent too. Carla had more money than this at her disposal to use as she needed/saw fit and now her DH has capped this money with no explanation and does not see the need to reveal how much he earns to his wife and IMO this is unreasonable.

Should just add that if he had sat Carla down, explained why they needed to cut back, was honest about his earnings then as long as the sums were sufficient to cover the essentials then that would on the otherhand be very reasonable.

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PPH, if you live in forces accomodation you do have to pay rent. It is not as expensive as rent in the 'real world' but you do have to pay. And the larger your house the bigger the rent. And the higher the rank, the bigger the house.

You do have education branches in all of the forces. and they have all ranks present in them.

As far as we are all aware there are no housing costs at all, nada, nothing, zilch, zippo.

This was asked to be confirmed several times but in keeping with the rest of the questions asked Carla decided not to answer.

So is mine, but I'm not lavender

Or Kayser Soze

I thought Carla owned the house outright herself ?, ie, not Forces accommodation

Still think Custardo has given the best advice

TaiTai, you are unsure because Carla has been deliberately confusing and and has been extremely selective about what questions she answers.
Look, Carla posted . NObody else raised the subject. She ASKED FOR PEOPLE'S OPINIONS FFS!
She also posted:

"Yes, you're right, he pays all the bills, I do the clothes/luxury stuff, although if we're out together at the weekend and the girls want some clothes, he puts them on his BC.

But are books/toys/children's clothes/my clothes luxury items? He has no mortgage to pay, so I told him if that's what he wanted to do then I'd have to start charging him rent."

Then: "Aloha, NO! God, it just feels like I've written this so many times. 1200 is for household stuff - not bills, not coffees, not books, not magazines, not bus fares, not children's clothes (unless, like I said, we're out together), not my clothes ...."

So confusing!

No, I know that sn, I was only teasing

Lots of people were pretty sympathetic at the thought that Carla's husband had suddenly demanded that not only did she take responsibility for all household expenditure, but was now capping it at a level that may (or may not!) be significantly lower than before.
However, she refused to clarify this point at all.
Also people did ask about paying bill on dd from his bank account and generally reducing the responsibility but she wouldn't consider that point either.
You can't either help, sympathise or advise properly if you don't know what the hell is going on.