Face slapping during

[Allabitmuch]

Am a regular but have name changed for this.

Have recently started seeing someone after a loooong time out of the game. Things seem to have changed a lot since when I was last single (am in my mid-thirties.)

This man is (as far as I can know seeing as I've only met him fairly recently) kind, considerate respectful and fun. I like him although I'm remaining fairly circumspect - it's very early days and I don't really know where I'm hoping things will go yet.

The thing is, he has expressed an interest in slapping my face during sex. Now I'm not really a strictly lights off vanilla type of woman. I'm happy to experiment and try new things, but this is definitely pushing at the very edges of my boundaries I have to say. I'm not sure.

And I guess my question is, is this normal sexual practice these days? Things seem to have changed so much. When I was last single and dating, no man ever expressed an interest in ejaculating on a womans face - now all men seem to desire this. Does this preference of his suggest a secret liking for sadistic porn to you? A lack of respect maybe? Or is this just a harmless thing that lots of couples like to do?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, thanks.

Well OP perhaps you can come back to us when you've found out and tell us whether this bloke is as SGB suggests, a non-porn-using mild BDSM fetishist - or someone who never wanted to come on/slap a woman's face, before he started watching porn.

I know what my money's on......

I do feel instinctively that he is a decent person. And I like to think my radar is fairly well honed.

He is quite dominant sexually but I like that. We are basically sexually compatible. It's just that perhaps he likes to take things a little further than I do.

I know that I can say no and that he wouldn't dream of trying to coerce me into doing something I didn't like. I also think that his 'daytime' self sometimes feels a bit guilty about what he enjoys sexually. He has asked me if I find it demeaning when he comes on my face and it is clear that he wants to make sure I don't feel disrespected.

I also feel Pinky that he was being honest with me about what he liked because he genuinely wanted to know if I'd be into it too. I guess I'm just slightly concerned that maybe this is the tip of the iceberg? I already feel that I'm getting to my limits of how far I want to take things with what we've done already.

pinkytheshrunkenhead shrug - I think men want to hit women when they have sex are pretty sinister, and I think it's sad that women expect it / think they should put up with it / think they are odd if they don't somehow enjoy it

it's a power thing, not a sex thing.

I've done this in the past OP (not really my thing anymore, changing tastes and all that) and something that I don't think anyone has brought up before: slapping can be fun and kinky but it can also be very emotionally intense, and not necessarily in a fantastic way.

I had an incident where we were having sex and he did it unexpectedly when my eyes were shut and I just dissolved into tears. Despite having enjoyed it just a few seconds earlier, suddenly I felt terribly upset and it wasn't good. If it's not something you expressly desire then I wouldn't do it. You might get an experience that doesn't rest easy in your mind.

This bf was a lovely lovely man btw, and we started it on my suggestion.

ha ha, I see you and I cross post OP. Please listen to what your instinct is telling you.

I've had a roller coaster week myself (EA Support thread has the details) and throughout my body was trying to tell me something. LISTEN.

yes of course it is a power thing but not necessarily a bad thing if everyone enjoys it

I do not expect to get hit - I have done a fair bit of hitting myself in my time - I don't feel I have been disrespected or am a victim of anything I find it sexually arousing that is all. I also genuinely don't feel that I have disrespected anyone who I have slapped/spanked/etc - it is consensual, there was no coercion - it was all in the name of exploration and fun.

I guess I am a sinister person too then. Fucking Hell. You don't have to be into it, that is your choice but damning people for being sinister for enjoying something is concerning.

I think it is very individual. Some people like being slapped. If it is not for you, then it is perfectly ok to be very clear about that. Some people might be happy to be slapped on their arses, but wouldn't want a slap around the face & that is fine. You have to be clear about your own boundaries.
Equally some women find it a turn on to be ejaculated on - but if your not one of them - then you just have to say that.
I'm not sure what normal is and I don't actually think that matters or is relevant - it is about what you want or are comfortable doing.

Jesus, some people really are making a meal of this.

It's quite simple.OP,if you're not comfortable with the idea ( and it's pretty clear you are not ) just say no. Just because he has requested this doesn't mean he's this, that or anything else.

I've had ex girlfriends who've asked me to do all sorts including cumming on their face,spanking and all manner of other stuff.

One ex who liked particularly rough sex had spent years in a previous relationship that had involved extensive and sustained domestic violence. Go figure the psychology of that,because i never did!

What it does go to prove is that sexual preference does not necessarily transmit into other parts of a persons life.

In safety aware BDSM circles face slapping is considered more extreme than you might think given how prevalent it is in mainstream porn.

There are quite a few physical risks associated with it, especially if it's done hard (not difficult if the guy is stronger than you), such as whiplash and even brain damage or detached retinas. That sounds very dramatic, but when I tried it I saw black for a moment, then saw stars and felt faint and disorientated for quite some time afterwards. That's not too unusual apparently. Haven't been on the receiving end of it since and I don't intend to be again.

There is advice around on making it safer, eg by supporting the head and neck, but I get the feeling that's not what you're looking for.
Just thought the safety argument might help you feel stronger in the conviction you already have that it isn't for you.

It can also provoke strong and unexpected emotional reactions in the person being slapped. Personally, it makes me angry; others may become more tearful and it can bring a lot of surprising feelings and memories to the surface that might be particularly uncomfortable when you're in bed with a partner you don't know well yet.

ISayHolmes that's an interesting point you make. I personally find all sex where there is some rough power play going on very emotionally intense. Part of the appeal perhaps.

The trouble is that because it's very early days in this relationship I don't feel comfortable turning to him if I feel a bit wobbly.

So I'm left in the position where the kind of sex we're having can leave me feeling very vulnerable but I don't really feel I have anywhere to go with that. Slapping wouldn't help matters methinks

Ah yes Freya - I crossed posted with you, but you make a similar point to me wrt emotional reactions that are innappropriate in front of someone you don't know well.

I dont see such a big chasm between his sexual preferences and what he does for his day job. Like you say, he is passionate about it, but I would think he is pretty clued on about when it is not appropriate sexual practice, ie, when it is not between CONSENTING adults. He is asking for your consent. As long as he does that, and you agree to what you are going to do, it is fine. If you dont agree, I doubt he will push it. He may leave, but most likely not push it.

Well if he wants to leave because I'm not prepared to take part in certain sexual practices then he is welcome to do so.

Like I said at the beginning, it is far too early in the game to know where things are heading anyway. I'm just focusing on enjoying his company at the moment.

if you don't know him well enough to turn to him if you are distressed, then you don't know him well enough to allow him to smack you round the chops during sex

and it is "allow" him, because he has asked without you ever mentioning it

so not a mutual decision...it is either allow or don't allow

a lttle concerning methinks

A friend of mine dated a bloke in this sort of position. He was similar. Started off slapping, then wanting to make her bleed and piss on her....always a bit odd considering his job.

Anyway I digress. I personally don't see the issue with a little slap and tickle, mild bdsm is quite a common fantasy.

However common place in new relationships and ejaculating on faces? Na, it's definately porno junkies who do that do early on. My single mates tell me they are obvious to spot. They drop hair pulling, anal, face cum, etc in, very early on.

Most of my friends are mid 20s to mid 30s. They say the ones who make the shit partners. Are those who basically re enact the porn they see from the get go. A lot are like it. But certainly not all.

that post of yours bubble is FASCINATING. you make much sense to me with recent events I have encountered! THANKS A BILLION!

what exactly have you been up to recently, MissSlipperyHissy ?

This is the thing, OP.
If, as AF says, it's a case of 'allowing' him to slap you, and you're asking if it's 'normal' and therefore you 'allow' it, then obviously the answer is No, you shouldn't.
If it's something you'd like and you're wondering if posters will say 'yeah, that's all fine' because you'd like to do it, then go ahead - and don't worry what anyone else thinks.
I have the impression that it's the former, though, and you feel you should allow it because you like him in other ways and don't want to disappoint him. As other poster have said, you might want to be careful if you take this approach, as it can be strangely alienating (at best) getting slapped when you're not 100% up for it. Nothing wrong with experimenting with something you're not sure about, as long as you're 100% comfortable with it, though.

I would ask him about his porn use.

No harm in asking is there?

And I'd also ask him about his sexual fantasies.

Seeing as how he's so in favour of being open and honest and upfront so early on in a relationship, he won't mind.

And his answers may help you come to a fuller picture.

My prob with the face slapping thing is that it's almost certainly porn-inspired and that so early on in your relationship, it may mean that he sees you as a partner he can try lots of new things with that he hasn't tried before as you are a sex-bot. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you both want and you don't mind being the person he gets his fantasies fulfilled with, but everything wrong if you want to be considered actually a real person in his life with long term, human possibilities not just sex-bot ones. Because most men, however honest, will keep their fantasies to themselves for quite a while before they share them with you if they like you, because don't want to frighten you off. If his assessment is that he might as well tell you now what he wants because if you're never going to be into it, he doesn't watn to invest too much time or emotion in you, then that's not good if you're not happy with that. Does that make sense?

If a friend of yours said she'd enjoy it if she could slap your face when you met up, would you put up with it?

Why does a question like this become acceptable because sex is involved?

As everybody else has said, he's been watching too much porn. Get rid and find someone better, otherwise all your doing is talking yourself into things you find unacceptable.

You don't have to have a man in your life. It's not essential.

"he has an extremely right-on job which sometimes involves representing victims of sexual violence and trafficking. He's absolutely passionate about his work..."

I bet he is. All that source material to inspire his sexual practices.

You said there was name-calling involved in sex. What sort of names is he calling you?

If a friend of yours said she'd enjoy it if she could slap your face when you met up, would you put up with it?

I'd be pretty shocked thunderbolts - same as I would be if she asked if she could lick the back of my knees, get in the bath with me, pour jelly on my tits or stick her fingers up my bum whilst going down on me.

I quite like all of the above from sexual partners, though. (And a bit of bum slapping, as it happens.)

Should I therefore finish with anyone I'm seeing if they suggest any of the above, or do you think my friends and I are just really unimaginative?
(Couldn't help asking, hope you don't mind.)

you have misgivings and uncomfortable,that's reason enough to decline. if you passively acquiesce and don't make your individual preferences and boundaries clear,it sets a precedent of his needs fulfilled you conceal feelings and go along with it.good relationship needs honesty and respect, mutual respect of preferences

But that's different, Plumpdog. ComPLETEly different.

You don't usually experience the scenarios you listed outside of intercourse.

Slapping, however? 1 in 4 women experience violence at the hands of a partner in a life time. Why should it be acceptable in the bedroom because it "turns him on"?