Face slapping during

[Allabitmuch]

Am a regular but have name changed for this.

Have recently started seeing someone after a loooong time out of the game. Things seem to have changed a lot since when I was last single (am in my mid-thirties.)

This man is (as far as I can know seeing as I've only met him fairly recently) kind, considerate respectful and fun. I like him although I'm remaining fairly circumspect - it's very early days and I don't really know where I'm hoping things will go yet.

The thing is, he has expressed an interest in slapping my face during sex. Now I'm not really a strictly lights off vanilla type of woman. I'm happy to experiment and try new things, but this is definitely pushing at the very edges of my boundaries I have to say. I'm not sure.

And I guess my question is, is this normal sexual practice these days? Things seem to have changed so much. When I was last single and dating, no man ever expressed an interest in ejaculating on a womans face - now all men seem to desire this. Does this preference of his suggest a secret liking for sadistic porn to you? A lack of respect maybe? Or is this just a harmless thing that lots of couples like to do?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, thanks.

[bubblechristmaspop]

Yes you can pretend to, if that is your bag. But there are a lot of men around now, that expect the porny?! stuff more often than not. Which you don't have to do. As equally many men who don't.

Which again is fine if that's what you want, but where does it take over.

Op should just say no anyway. She has said for her it is probably a step too far, so that is her answer.

[AbbyAbsinthe]

Indeed. I think you've already decided, OP.

I'm all for a bit of experimentation, but if you don't fancy it, don't do it

[lubeybooby]

It's only something you should do if you are 1) sexually submissive as a personal fetish for you and 2) you really want him to

As neither of these things seem applicable to you, don't do it.

And no it isn't normal or common

[KatAndKit]

I don't care what has become more common "these days". I am sticking to what I was doing back in "those days"! Just because there is more porn about and people are slapping each other and cumming on faces in porn movies, doesn't mean that I would want to have it done to me. As I am not a porn actress, I don't expect to be treated in that way.

Personally, face slapping sounds extremely disrespectful to me. I would not even consider it. Nobody has ever asked to ejaculate on my face, so I expect that most men understand that this is something that happens in porn, not how you can treat your partner in real life.

[PlumpDogPillionaire]

Face slapping is a step too far for me I think

Sounds like you're not really comfortable with the idea at all, OP - and why should you be?

As others have said, if you were into it, fine, but it doesn't sounds as if you are, and nor do I blame you.

I'm completely with HH (theoretically, not physically, obv. I've never met HH and the name say it all - I hope!) re. coming on tits, bum, etc. - face is quite different. Unless you're into of course...

It's definitely true that a lot of younger men, or men who simply haven't grown up and/or are reliant on porn have much skankier tastes these days. It's sad.

[MildlyNarkyPuffin]

If someone said that to me I'd ask how much porn they watched a week and If they'd be happy to let me browse their internet history. It might be the extent of his 'needs' or it might be the tip of the iceberg.

[Allabitmuch]

Do you want to hear something ironic though?

Without wishing to give too much away, in his proffessional life he has an extremely right-on job which sometimes involves representing victims of sexual violence and trafficking. He's absolutely passionate about his work...

Takes all sorts I suppose.

But he did ask in a respectful way. Outside of a sexual setting. He wanted to know how I'd feel about it. He's always careful to make sure I'm ok with anything sexual we do, and instinctively I trust him.

It's just that it's such early days.... and I feel a bit like, if he's asking for this now, what is he going to want in six months time?

[HoudiniHissy]

Recently started seeing this guy and he's asked if it's OK to hit you so soon in?

Love, what's he saving for later?

I could be projecting, but i see slippery slope.

Sorry. I think you need to heed the very obvious warning signs and back away.

[MildlyNarkyPuffin]

Internet history.

I'd be very worried about someone whose job involved listening to first hand accounts of sexual violence expressing a desire to slap me during sex.

[Sandalwood]

Ironic indeed.
Yuk.



(I always remember that thread about the first date who kissed her all over her face).

[Allabitmuch]

And as with lots of things... although you may not immediately like an idea in the cold light of day, in the heat of the moment it can be quite exciting. I find this with the whole coming on face thing. It can be really hot, but the mood has to be right.

But still, no, I don't think so when it comes to face slapping. I'm not appalled by the idea, but like I said before, I just feel perhaps it's a step too far.

[LeBOF]

Good point, Puffin. It's especially dark in that context.

[SolidGoldVampireBat]

I have had partners into face- slapping, though it was blokes who wanted me to slap them. It's just another fetish. If you don't like it, you don't have to engage in it. It doesn't mean he's an evil violent rapist or that it's All Down To Porn (there were plenty of people enjoying BDSM activities before the Internet, you know). Also, those of you who are having major fits of the vapours over this, the OP says that they had already been engaging in some borderline (at least) BDSM stuff before the face-slapping was mentioned, so it's not a case of 'Waa, a normal woman can't even get to the pudding course on her first date without the bloke wanting to know if he can pull her head off and fuck the stump ALL BECAUSE OF INTERNET PORN AND GANGSTA RAP!'

[Xmasbaby11]

It doesn't matter even if lots of others are doing it (although I doubt it) - the bottom line is, you don't want to. So don't feel pressurised into doing it.

[pinkytheshrunkenhead]

I think what he is doing by mentioning it early is just being honest with you and I bet that has a lot to do with his job actually. As far as a bit of s and m goes this is a standard fetish - it is not done hard and I personally don't think it is an expression of sexual violence towards the recipient more a vulgar display of power. Wanting to be sexually dominant is not the same as being a dominant person, it is all about context I suppose.

On the other hand if it doesn't do it for you then fair enough, but I reckon if you speak to him candidly about it he wont have an issue with it. One of the best things about being a bit pervy is being able to negotiate and suggest things to your partner.

I myself have a list of sexual preferences but they are not the same with everyone, there are some things I have done in the past (and loved) but would not dream of doing with my DH (Even though he is a bit pervy too) as it is not his thing - it's a sort of cutting ones cloth to suit iykwim. Sexually I have really enjoyed spanking and slapping etc but I am not a violent person and actually have been in a violent relationship and it is not the same at all.

Personally I do not feel there is a contradiction between doing a job with vicitims of sexual violence and being sexually dominant - I think it is a bit narrow minded of people to suggest that. The person I am secretly and sexually is in direct contrast to my daily life - you would never guess if you knew me and I think chatting to him honestly is the best way through this - that s why he has said this now, he wants to engage in a conversation about preferences which is perfectly reasonable. Unreasonable and worrying would be him doing it and then talking about it.

[pinkytheshrunkenhead]

SolidGold speaks absolute sense yet again

[mambo14]

I suppose people.can only answer these questions from their own experience and.feelings. i think some of you are overeacting though.
I like having men cum on my face, most have been quite happy to, i have also asked several men to slap.my face during sex and some have and some have said no because they feel.very uncomfortable about it. People like different things during sex and finding out beforehand your thoughts on certain 'moves' seems a sensible idea to me!
He doesn't.sound like an out of control woman hater, he sounds like a bloke who has maybe been with a woman who did like that and is just asking if thats something u wud consider.
I think its probably not a 'standard' move tho....say no and don't worry about it

[stubbornhubby]

OP if all the men you are meeting want to come on your face, then I think you're meeting the wrong sort of men.

And OF COURSE you shouldn't be going to bed with someone who wants to hit you.

He is telling you, clearly, what he's like. Run a mile.

[PosiesOfPoinsettia]

Face slapping in whatever context s a bit off no? Asking for your face to be slapped is one thing, but getting turned on by slapping someone's face would ring bells for me.

[pinkytheshrunkenhead]

You see coming in the face is a huge no no for me - just so messy and disrespectful - we all have our hard limits eh? I slap in the face is much hornier than someone coming in it... eeeeeeeeeeewwwwww

[pinkytheshrunkenhead]

Hang on a min StubbornHubby - so if someone wants to slap your arse while they are fucking you, you should not be going to be with them???? really? Spanking is pretty standard fayre no?

[mayorquimby]

If you're not into it don't do it.
I was with a woman who was really into it but I certainly didn't feel comfortable with it so didn't.
Have been with a couple of women who thought it would be a good idea to slap my face during sex and their feet barely touched the floor I kicked them out that fast.
If you're not comfortable don't do it.

[MildlyNarkyPuffin]

Maybe so SolidGoldBrass, but now internet porn is so freely available people can find pretty much anything they're looking for online. Which is why I suggested finding out how far his interests go sooner rather than later.

[thecarpetneedsaclean]

I had a bf who liked me to slap his face during sex. It wasn't something i was into but in the moment i did get quite a kick from it. Made me feel powerful and is a rather transgressive thing to do (therefore naughty and a turn on). However i should add that the 2 BDSM relationships i've had both ended badly. In both instances the men seemed to get quite addicted, whereas it was something i liked from time to time, to add spice. My ex and i had lots of very rough sex. I found it very exciting for a while but after DC I wanted something different at least some of the time and he didn't. Man who wanted face slapping seriously overstepped the line once and hurt me badly, this followed a previous warning to him and so i ended things immediately.
If you don't like the idea then don't do it! I wouldn't have let him slap me.
and yeah, i've read of the current interest in coming over faces. My new man doesn't want to do that. He feels it is insulting to his partner.

[Heleninahandcart]

Maybe it is something that has recently come out of the closet, like bumsex. I recently heard about this on a regular dating site where you can choose to answer random questions set by the site.

Question: 'how would you feel if a partner asked you to slap them across the face during sex?'.

Even if its become acceptable to mention it OP, doesn't mean you have to do it.

Good old fashioned bumsex anyone?