Face slapping during

[Allabitmuch]

Am a regular but have name changed for this.

Have recently started seeing someone after a loooong time out of the game. Things seem to have changed a lot since when I was last single (am in my mid-thirties.)

This man is (as far as I can know seeing as I've only met him fairly recently) kind, considerate respectful and fun. I like him although I'm remaining fairly circumspect - it's very early days and I don't really know where I'm hoping things will go yet.

The thing is, he has expressed an interest in slapping my face during sex. Now I'm not really a strictly lights off vanilla type of woman. I'm happy to experiment and try new things, but this is definitely pushing at the very edges of my boundaries I have to say. I'm not sure.

And I guess my question is, is this normal sexual practice these days? Things seem to have changed so much. When I was last single and dating, no man ever expressed an interest in ejaculating on a womans face - now all men seem to desire this. Does this preference of his suggest a secret liking for sadistic porn to you? A lack of respect maybe? Or is this just a harmless thing that lots of couples like to do?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, thanks.

[Sparks1]

"People can disguise their personalities, but if sexual abuse and violence is what turns them on, they are sexually abusive and violence.

It's not complicated to understand, try thinking a little harder."

So if he worked with DV victims and just wanted to slap her backside would your response be the same?

[EleanorRathbone]

I'm not scaremongering SM.

It's obvious that abusers go for jobs which give them access to vulnerable groups.

That has never been contested. That is why they brought in CRB checks in the first place.

[bubblechristmaspop]

Aside from the icky work connection and this being a new relationship.

The answer here is quite simple. Op thinks this is a step too far end of. For some it is, some it isn't.

Sexual experimentation is great. You all need to read this at a deeper level like some are.

The red flags here arent.the act. It's the fact, he has been trying all this mild Dom in a new relationship. "Subtly" pushing this on her. Now into a very new relationship, he has op questioning herself, if she is the odd one, if this is normal.

Not to mention, op asked a question, but didn't seem to want less savoury answers. Like a form of denial. People may see it differently, but she asked.

Those right there are huge red flags and massive signs of grooming.

Fire away.

[Allabitmuch]

I don't value having any relationship over my physical and emotional safety - that's not true.

I care about myself. I respect myself. And I'm reading the responses to this thread with interest.

I enjoy the sex we're having. I find it exciting. I'm just not sure I want to be slapped in the face that's all. I don't have a problem with saying no to things I don't want. And I don't have a problem with watching him walk away as a result if he is so inclined. I'm not in love with him, it's early days. I can still take it or leave it.

[thunderboltsandlightning]

Um yes of course Sparks1.

Also, why would he want to slap her backside, why would he want to call her a little wh*re, why would he want to slap her face?

It's like people are unable to think through those questions to the obvious answers. If a guy likes hitting or insulting women during sex he's an abusive misogynist.

[EleanorRathbone]

And don't exaggerate, you're the one scaremongering here, I didn't say these professions were teeming with abusers, I said there are disproportionate number of abusers in them. Which you may be right about, maybe disproportionate is the wrong word. I guess we don't know how many abusive people there are in these professions and whether they have more abusers per capita than say, estate agency.

[LeBOF]

Sparks1 asked for proof of the relationship between domestic violence and sexual violence which may begin 'consensually'. It is a theme in women's testimonies, but I don't think it's really appropriate to link to people's personal stories on the web given that some people seem to have no problem using this stuff as wank fodder.

[thunderboltsandlightning]

Then leave it.

Make a judgement about a man who finds calling a woman a little wh*re a turn-on.

[AnyFucker]

Right you are there, OP

You are so convinced of your own self worth you had to ask a bunch of strangers if it was ok if your new boyfriend slapped you in the face

[JeremyVile]

Ach, I dont feel comfortable cheerleading for men who get off on sexual domination, too many grey areas I dont want to be stepping into.
I absolutely get why it raises hackles, the connotations etc.
But I also know that for some people it is just a kink and something they would only ever enjoy with someone who actively got off on it too.

[suburbophobe]

Yuck! I would run!

The bottom line is: If it don't feel good, don't do it!!

[Sparks1]

thunder..

Because some females may actually request that sort of behaviour and consider it a turn on as i have previously stated!

The fact of the matter is you are trying to impose your sexual moral opinion on others.

[Prolesworth]

I find it beyond creepy that someone like him is employed in supporting (in some capacity) women and girls who have been the victims of the kinds of behaviour this man finds so sexually exciting outside office hours. Tbh they're the ones I'm concerned about in this scenario. The OP can walk away. The people he's working with can't, and I doubt they'd be so blasé at the thought of this bloke wanking off while fantasising about - let alone enacting on another person - the kinds of things they've been subjected to.

[thunderboltsandlightning]

Just say no Sparks. It's the right thing to do.

[Flanelle]

It doesn't sound like a harmless kink to me. It sounds like striking you to get turned on. Sounds utterly ghastly. And anyone consenting to this is mental. Abusive, domineering, power-hungry, controlling, and secretly (though not very secretly) really, really hating women.

[thunderboltsandlightning]

Also, abusive men always say "she wanted it".

He wanted it.

[DontCallMeFrothyDragon]

Sparks, if a woman requests that sort of behaviour, I'd be mentally questioning her history.

If all you've ever known from sex is violence of some degree, then you begin to accept it as normal.

[EleanorRathbone]

If a man asked me to beat him on the arse and put his dick in a vice because it turned me on, I'd say no.

Call me selfish.

[thunderboltsandlightning]

Sparks had "rough sex" with a woman who had previously been in a relationship with a man who attacked her. He appears to have had no qualms about it.

[DontCallMeFrothyDragon]

And Sparks, if my ex could say "no", even found it a strange request, then surely you can too.

[AnyFucker]

Eleanor, I spit out my thorntons choc at your last comment. So pithy

[LeBOF]

Oh, and a brief anecdote of mine while we are tangentially on the topic of 'nice' men and their professions: a well-respected bloke I briefly dated who was very self-effacing and respectful to women etc etc, headed (founded, i believe) up a charity which supported survivors of sexual abuse. I stopped seeing him as he was a bit dull. He's now in prison, possibly indefinitely, for raping and torturing women working as 'escorts', among other very unpleasant sexual offences. That was a bit of a fucking shock to everybody that knew him in his work and his personal life.

I'm not suggesting you can extrapolate anything from that, but working in a support role doesn't prove you are an all-round good guy- that much is certainly true.

[scottishmummy]

op you are subtly defending your new man,and deflecting lots.tbh if so sure why the posts and misgivings.why reflect upon his right on worthy work persona and private sex preferences?you hint of a incongruence - well damn right.he's done quite a number almost shifting your preferences to his

[Sparks1]

"Just say no Sparks. It's the right thing to do."

To face slapping? Yes i would. I wouldn't do it even if requested. But that is my personal boundary.

What i find interesting though is the number of assumptions some have made on this thread about both the OP and her bloke. The danger of asking opinion on the internet!