Face slapping during

[Allabitmuch]

Am a regular but have name changed for this.

Have recently started seeing someone after a loooong time out of the game. Things seem to have changed a lot since when I was last single (am in my mid-thirties.)

This man is (as far as I can know seeing as I've only met him fairly recently) kind, considerate respectful and fun. I like him although I'm remaining fairly circumspect - it's very early days and I don't really know where I'm hoping things will go yet.

The thing is, he has expressed an interest in slapping my face during sex. Now I'm not really a strictly lights off vanilla type of woman. I'm happy to experiment and try new things, but this is definitely pushing at the very edges of my boundaries I have to say. I'm not sure.

And I guess my question is, is this normal sexual practice these days? Things seem to have changed so much. When I was last single and dating, no man ever expressed an interest in ejaculating on a womans face - now all men seem to desire this. Does this preference of his suggest a secret liking for sadistic porn to you? A lack of respect maybe? Or is this just a harmless thing that lots of couples like to do?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, thanks.

There is a right nice human rights barrister on the scene but he is very very submissive and into rubber.... he gave me some general but very helpful advice on some legal stuff with my Ex and dds (when I did not have enough money to see someone) and I didn't even have to slap him for it.

SeeLyon you are NAUGHTY!

I think the fact that you like hitting your partner in the chops during sex makes you kind of abusive, yeah.

Sorry, I know that's horrible, but it's the way I feel.

OP, I am glad you have decided to dump this guy

He sounds like a twat and has done from the beginning as far as I am concerned

Any partner you cannot go to in your distress, is not a partner you should be even considering putting your rightful uneasy feelings about him asking to hit you during sex, to one side

Which has been said over and again on this threaad, in among all the other "give this guy a break" crap

Also, wouldn't it be a bit er off-putting? You're writhing around like all into The Sex and then WHAM! a whack round the chops. Would put me right off.

Lol at " chops"
i bet " hey baby hit me in the chops" has never been uttered during sex

Also, I'm not sure why this thread has become about BDSM. That's not something I would say I was into at all.

All that fetish gear and whips and chains and whatnot does absolutely nothing for me bar coming across as faintly ridiculous. Although each to their own and all that of course. So for the poster that pm'd me suggesting I go and have a look at Informed Consent, thank you, but you're barking up the wrong tree really.

I don't think he's into it either. We're both just people who enjoy a bit of rough power play during the course of otherwise fairly ordinary sex. He would just like to take it further than me is all.

It's the fact that he hasn't bothered to contact me to check I'm ok since I confessed I felt a bit wobbly about things that had occurred between us that bothers me more than his sexual preferences. I expect to be treated with care and respect by any sexual partner, no matter how new or casual they might be.

And it's for that reason that I've decided I won't see him again.

"I expect to be treated with care and respect by any sexual partner, no matter how new or casual they might be."

Hear, hear! Why is it that (some) people think that once they have got into your underwear, they can dispense with the normal civilities?

I find that very odd.

100% on that op. That's exactly the whole point. Wise choice. It's also good that you were at the stage you felt you could say no. Even with peer pressure.

You should be proud of yourself :)

Wise choice OP

I think you made the right decision, OP. And I have to say that if he's suggesting slapping your face after such a short time together, he'd be going further than that before too long.

I'm really glad you can trust yourself, OP.

OP, I know what I'm about to type will probably be seen as a bit of a hysterical reaction, but when I quickly glanced over your thread title while I was looking for another thread title, the only thing that sprung to mind was the recent stuff in the press about Vincent Tabak and the strangling porn. As I say, a complete over-reaction on my part, I know, but I wouldn't like it myself.

If he was a decent bloke when you told him you felt wobbly he would have found time to ring you to talk, he didn't that speaks volumes.

My guess is that he got pissed off because he was expecting fun and not emotional texts.

I'm glad you 've decide to not see him again OP.

decided

I didn't mind that the thread became a debate about BDSM etc as well as specifically addressing Allabitmuch's op and subsequent posts as it's been fascinating. I hope the op didn't mind :-)

Objects, behaviours, processes become erotically charged - eroticised - and I'm very interested in the eroticisation of violence and domination and the parallel de-eroticisation of ... you know ... 'just' sex. And I still think it's a sign of damage (done by being on the receiving end of violent acts/abuse, by exposure to violent porn, even by advertising campaigns which use violent and sexually charged images), possibly indicative of shame, and also probably frequently of genuine hostility. And that the issue of consent is incredibly complex.

Who said it's just fucking? It's not just fucking. Fucking is just fucking. Hitting and restraining and masks and so on are actions/objects which have been sexual. How? And ?

Well I had a look at a thread discussing face slapping on Informed Consent out of curiosity, and was interested to find that plenty of people who frequented the site and so were very much into BDSM, balked at the practice. It would seem it's considered fairly extreme even by folks who enjoy sado masochistic activities.

Even people who claimed to like it still said they sometimes found it upsetting.

Something unsettling though. I noticed something about "breath play" (am totally new to all these terms) but it means basically restricting your partners ability to breathe in order to... well.. I don't know what really. But one of the ways of doing this apparently is to compress your partners chest. And I could be totally overthinking here but this man I was with had a habit of lying quite heavily on top of me (to the point where my chest would feel a tiny bit bruised and achy the next day) and kind of holding me really tight with his arms, squeezing my own arms against my ribs. It would make me feel slightly as though I was fighting for breath. I always assumed he was just a bit big and clumsy but now I'm starting to question whether he was doing it on purpose.

I'm certain he wouldn't have done something on the sly without my consent though. Probably just my imagination running away with me.

I'm glad I came on here and posted about all this. It's really helped me to clarify my feelings. Thanks everyone.

Perfectly possible it was deliberate, also possible he wasnt giving any thought to restricting your breathing. Who knows?

Main thing is you know you dont want to continue anything with him. Have you told him?

Mmmm, sexy - choking the breath out of a woman.

Sorry to be flippant, but seriously, who the fuck are these men? "Playing" with someone's breath is playing with their life. Which is obviously the cheap thrill these blokes get from it. I'm sure you're right that he was doing it on purpose. I think you might be in a bit of denial about what he was like rather than oversuspicious.

I am so, so glad that you are not going to stay with him Allabitmuch. You deserve a whole lot better than anything he can offer.

OP there's lots of things I can look at now and think 'oh shit, that's why he did that'. Trust your instincts. There are plenty of people into this stuff who aren't all 'consent' and 'safe words'

I've just decided not to contact him again Jeremy. We hadn't spent enough time together to warrant a full-on "It's over" conversation.

When/if he contacts me and asks to see me again, I will tell him then.

Glad you have left it, the more that came out, the more he sounds like a real piece of work tbh.

Just too many "things" when you sit down and think about it eh?

I'm really glad you're not going to speak to him again.

I was shocked though that he wants to slap your face when you hadn't even spent enough time together to warrant an 'it's over' conversation.

Was this a relationship that started online? Was a lot of the relationship spent on the phone?

solid I know we have crossed swords before and you think I am a complete tosser, but imo you really do come across as quite sexually and emotionally violent in your posts. I don't know why you always have to boast so much (it seems like boasting) about your sexual liberation blah blah. And as for saying 'I won't be slapped but I'll slap men' line, it sounds childish and angry.

And way down this thread you used the words 'fuck the stump'. Hideous. Hideous terminology. Can't you cut some slack and try not to jump on threads like this supposedly wowing everyone with what a confessed slapper and masochist you are?

sadist more like.