''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

I prefer to meet the kids, cats and dogs early-ish, say within a month. I think kids and dogs are generally good judges of character, and they're usually fiercely protective of their owner. ;-)

977 messages! What's the next thread title?

I am killing my POF profile - I get sod all from it except creepy messages from creepy men holding their babies in their profile pic. eww. It took me 18 months in my post ex relationship or my kids to meet him. that's maybe a little over-cautious!

feeling a bit blue here - this whole teaching children that marriage is the best/only context to raise a child is making me feel as if my efforts are ignored and belittled. have sat on the sofa for the weekend watching LOTR and eating biscuits and whining by text at platonic man about politics.

S met the boys quite early in but they are 3 and 1 and not fussed. The girls are older at 5 and 6 and have met him but on a friend basis. I don't think there is a 'correct' timescale as such but I have been careful with the girls more through being so recently separated.

Hope it all goes well zany

erm.. wading through the chaff in search of wheat?

yeah i'm with the meet early (but don't intro as more than a friend) for sure. what's the point of getting to like a man if it turns out he's an awful father or really weird with his/your children?

HOw about 'All we want for Xmas is a decent bloke who doesn't text talk or call us hun'

How about a thread title 'one eye on you and one on his inbox'. It's not very festive and abit gloomy and true.

Zany, hope it goes well with the DC's. I read somewhere that men who go too fast are wanting you to get emotionally attached before they show their true colours, which is often possessiveness and insecurity. Not always though but good to be aware of these findings.

Re meeting the DC's. Mine met a few of my bf's when she was younger and isn't scarred by it at all. One I met when she was with me! I introduced them as mummy's friends just as I did female friends. I didn't get time off much, most were happy to include her in our arrangements when we got more steady. Friends have gone out with men who want to take it slow re DC's only to find out that what they mean is they don't want to play happy families, ever :(

I'm chatting to a couple on POF, might meet one of them but he seems a bit highbrow even for me. The other put a full length shot of himself with just some tight undies on, after we had exchanged messages, phwoarr!!!!

actually, thats quite a good idea about meeting early on, but in a ' friends' capacity.

snape - okc better for you? or is this a general all round ' meh - ness' at the momment?

adams - lol. you do know thats a sign hes not after anything long term... but enjoy the view :)

Watch, he has said, wants nothing serious. The other one does. I should meet them both.

Yep meet the one who looks hot in tight undies first both Adams

Will definately keep an eye out for possessiveness but I do think it was just him telling me how strongly feels after a bit too much wine. Of my closest friends 2 are male which may I guess make him feel insecure but it is something he will have to get used to as they are very good friends who are here to stay.

I waited 3 years, yes, 3 years before I allowed The Ex to meet my kids and it still went tits up. He showed his possessive/controlling side once I was pregnant with DD, prior to that I thought his jealousy was due to him loving me so much

I would say that you have to do what feels right for you, what works for some may not work for others and really, the bottom line is that we never truly know someone until we have been with them for a long time or even lived with them. As I said above, my ex showed his true colours once I was pregnant and living with him and I hadn't rushed into anything.

I would also say Zany, it's not just possessiveness you need to look out for, unexplained moodiness, going silent on you, playing the victim and making plans for the two of you when you are meant to be meeting friends are also other signs of an insecure man. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is a red flag, your inner voice will let you know, you just have to make sure you listen to it. If I had listened to mine I could have saved myself years of heartache.

Keep smiling Snape, it can only get better

I would agree with time my ex was not obviously possessive, but the moodiness, silent treatment and playing the victim was always there. As for going out that didnt happen, for the previous three reasons! I hated the silent treatment and its something I would run a mile from now. I think its all too easy when you have your head in the love clouds to miss certain behaviours or excuse them away.

Adams yes meet both, why not?!

I get where your coming from Time and Stay but to be honest although my head is in the clouds a bit I am very aware of how manipulative etc blokes can be as I was with my XP for on/off 5 years and he was in hindsight very emotionally abusive so I constantly look for warning signs. My XH was excellent at playing the victim and there is nothing more off putting [happy]

In anticipation of Zany living happily ever after how about "Internet Dating: Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who, this is supposed to be a happy occasion!" as a thread title?

The above mentioned abusive tactics make a person confused and work harder to please the abuser, that's the beginning of the end!

Another vote here for meet them both Adams, fill yer boots!

That's good Zany, we shall look forward to hearing all about the blossoming romance.

That thread title doesn't make sense Poppa, seeing as no one is bickering and arguing.

Oh yes we are

Oh no we aren't

Sorry came over all pantominey then

Hi lots to catch up on after my weekend away. Was me, two of my friends and their boyfriends. Really nice actually, they didn't make me feel left out by being too coupley and they are both clearly really happy and well suited couples which is kind of reassuring to see.

I agree with casually meeting children fairly early on in a friend capacity,not only to see whether they get on but also because being a parent is the primary function in our lives, and I think it's important for them to see that and recognise it. I'd take it massively slow before allowing them to play a role in their lives or consider moving in with anyone but I don't think meeting them early is a bad thing.

at proposal zany!

So Zany, what will you be buying Mr Yacht for Christmas? Will you have to do 'proper' gifts now things have developed? I wonder what he will buy you!!!

adams - go for it - season of goodwill to all men and that :)

zany - sounds like your head is screwed on, and im sure everyone is just looking out for you, in a protective way, you know.

Yes, exactly what watch said zany.

Time, it's from the wedding scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where Lancelot runs amok and skewers wedding guests.

I've never watched Monty Python Poppa, I've led a very sheltered life

Zany we just care tis all!