''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

Zany, that's good I think, although I am very wary of declarations of love early on. How do you feel about it?

Lookin' good zany! Looks like we'd better make a note to organise hats and morning suits for the big day!

The scary thing is I was almost tempted to say yes although i think it is too early and we havn't met each others kids yet. For me its a big deal that he gets on with my 2 DC's. I think I would be more wary if it wsn't for the lovely follow up messages I got from him this morning.

Poppa I think alot of us are like that, I cancelled some stuff recently just to get some money together for petrol, food etc before payday.

Being in love is great from what I remember of it. The kids thing is so important. Kids are a bit like farts... you don't mind your own but you're not so keen on other peoples', so best to let the kids meet you guys and each other and see how that pans out before you start plans to become The Zany Bunch.

Kids come first though don't they? Hopefully families blend nicely but if they don't then you put you and your own first.

job you are ruining my illusions of my back up plan!

ok quick vent needed:

men with profile pics with their kids in them - wrong, wrong, wrong (what kind of idiot plasters his kids on the internet when trying to pull?)

howz u hun?xxxx style messages - grrrrrr

your beautiful xxx - and the spelling erro is theirs not mine also very wrong

men with no pic, next to no details sending you messages to say 'boo! lol' or 'hi' - ridiculous.

i could go on and on.

been offered money to walk on someone today in other news.

and surely one would get sweaty shagging in a jumper?

I see alot more women's profile pics with kids in them..

here's my nomination for the most over used profile line:

'send me a message, I dont bite (unless you want me to)'

no doubt guys on this thread will be able to contribute similar cringe inducing themes commonly found in the ladies profiles

Wow zany a tad early for marriage proposals! I hope I won't cause offense but it sounds as if he is insecure. Nothing necessarily wrong with that, as long as he doesn't turn out to be the possessive type.

If he is that crazy about you (which I am sure he is!) it would be much more sensible to slam on the breaks and take a good while getting to know each other properly and in time, the kids.

The start of a new relationship is lovely, all the romance and butterflies and daydreaming. No need to go rushing past that stage, both of you should just be enjoying yourselves!

I am a bit head over heels with my lovely bloke but a marriage proposal would see me running for the hills!

zany - goodness. Like the others id be a litle wary. Especially since you dont really know each other yet and havent met each others children etc. Was it more of a jokey , this is going really well kind of thing do you think? or did he actually mean it?

poppa - like zany says, its that way for a lot of us. Doesnt mean we shouldnt date, its not only the well off that are allowed to do so! lol. BUT, reading between the lines it sounds like you dont actually want to date at all, and are thinking up reasons to justify that. If youi dont want to date, its ok, people are allowed to be happy on their own too :)

coffee date is tomrrrow :)

and my nisi is being done in court today. Surprisingly i dont care, it matters not one bit. I dont feel like celebrating, but i also dont feel like crying. Its a bit of a non event, i just see it as a paperwork exercise really now.

i missed the marriage proposal sorry! wow that's a bit full on isn't it? how long have you been seeing each other now?

Wow, Zany I do hate to rain on your parade but I have to agree with everyone who says to be careful, be aware that this could be an indicator of an insecure man. Or even a man who is inexperienced in relationships. You just continue enjoying the romance but keep your eyes wide open

Poppa I agree with watch, after reading your post I did think you were looking for reasons not to date.

What time are you meeting your date tomorrow watch? I will be looking out for your update. I do hope he is as nice as he seems and you have a good time.

Hi to everyone else and hope you are all doing ok.

Don't worry everyone I realise its too soon. I think it is like you said Watch that it was more of a 'this is going really well and I can see this in the fuure one day' He did back it up with a message (when sober) to say that he realises its too soon and hopes he hasn't scared me off and if that anything like that happens then it will be when we know each other alot better. I think he is a bit insecure Stay but any signs of possessiveness and we'll be having words.

I think a little bit of insecurity is normal really. When you have found someone great it's natural you might worry a bit about things going wrong but a marriage proposal that early on smacks a little bit of 'ownership' to me.

I do think it's important to at least be thinking long term before introducing children though. No point in that if it's just a fling. What are you thinking regarding meeting children zany? Too early yet?

i'd send a jokey message back saying 'phew you scared mea bit then ;) - it is going well and i'm really enjoying your company. will put it down to drunken fluffiness, no worries x'. it sort of puts in place that it was a bit much but you do get that it is feeling good and no you're not running for the hills. you've probably dealt with it already i'm sure.

one guy messaged me last night who seems quite normal - think i will chat a bit more with him and then if he wants to meet up for a daytime coffee just for an hour.

yeah, zany - it was probably something like that. But id just be a bit aware ( which it sounds like you are)
When do you think you will introduce him to your children? Ive often wondered about this myself, should i ever get in another relationship... i sort of think about 6 months in would be about right. But then, 6 months of only seeing each other every other weekend or when dd is in bed is quite limiting. its difficult i think.

Not sure on times yet, time. I expect we will sort it out later today. Hes a bit laid back and go with the flow it seems ( which is good) and hes, erm, 28!! we are having coffee in the local sainsburys at lunchtime( just dont know what actual time yet). He works out of town, and thats the cloest place, its very classy isnt it ;) lol
I just didnt want to get a sitter for an evening and i cancelled last weekend and couldnt do this weekend ( because i had dd) and i didnt think it fair to make him wait another whole week. So sainsburys for lunch it is. lol.

I shall be wearing the usual jumper. the shagging jumper ;) its actually a very fine jumper,quite sheer ( so i need to wear a top underneath else ill be indecent)

Maybe the drink just released all these gushy feelings that he has. He did offer a handshake after a very successful first date and he didn't try to get you into bed after the first hint of a snog so he has shown a bit of a reserved side, maybe the drink just made him relaxed enough to say how he feels and he went a bit over the top. It might be a good thing in that the barriers are down a bit now and he may feel more relaxed and able to share his feelings BUT, I would still be a little bit wary though, keep your eye on the ball Zany

A normal one *swallowed? Really?? Definitely meet him for coffee!!

i sometimes think it would be more straightforward to have them meet your dc earlier on. not as a boyfriend or anything but just as a mate on a rare occassion. that isn't worrying for kids - we all have friends - and it gives you a chance to see what they're like with them and vice versa in a non pressured way that isn't like 'now i'm introducing you to the children and this is a major moment' type way.

i think, if i do get involved with someone again, that i would arrange for them to meet very casually relatively early on and would introduce the guy as a friend and nothing more. then if the relationship continued that can become more frequent later on and you can decide when to let the child know that they are more than a friend.

ooh the lucky shagging jumper watch you'll have to lend it to us.

yes well he seemed normal time - i'm sure there's still time for him to turn out to be a raging psychopath or foot fetishist or a transexual or soemthing

Sainsburys cafe is fine watch, it's far classier than my favourite cafe where I go to do my people watching and where I propose to meet any future coffee dates. It will be a test for them It's freezing here today, we ad snow this morning so you might need to wear a vest under your jumper

I'm going to introduce him to my DC's next week. IT may be a bit early for some people but it almost feels like I am living a double life, when I am with him I an child free but most of the time I am a Mum. Does that make sense? Also my DC's are 8 and 11 and too switched on for their own good and they both keep asking when they can meet him. A bit very nervous in case they don't get on as potentially it could be a deal breaker. I have quite a few male friends who we meet up with or they pop round for dinner/coffee so it hopefully won't come across as a big deal to my DC's. My daughter is very outspoken though so god knows what embarrasing comment she will come out with.

Sainsburys cafe is a good plan Watch, loving the idea of a shagging jumper.

I'm not sure what normal is any more swallowed

Miriam Stoppard was on the Matthew Wright show a few weeks ago saying pretty much the same as you, that she thinks children should be introduced to a boyfriend pretty early on, that it doesn't do them any harm especially if they are introduced as a friend. She seemed to think we make too big a deal of it. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Because I don't want to live with a bloke ever again I didn't see any reason why DD should ever have to meet him but I can now see there are reasons why she should meet him. For a start it would be nice for her to see me in a healthy relationship and it would be nice for her to be a part of it too, to be around a normal man, something her father isn't.

It does make sense Zany and I think that is the point the Wright show were trying to make. The meeting needs to take place before the relationship is serious and you are talking about living together etc because once you have reached that stage you are almost forcing your relationship on the children. They need time to get to know the partner too, at their own pace, you come as a package and it's the whole package that needs to work, not just the romantic couple. It's no good getting to proposal stage and finding out the kids hate him!

Perhaps I should get myself a shagging jumper for Christmas, ready for when I unleash my profile.

I prefer to have the DC's meet early on but only if I think its going to be long term. I have dated guys whereby I knew it wasn't going to last so the DC's don't meet them. I have a good feeling about Mr Yacht and I think it will last, I haven't felt like this about abyone for a long time.

Yes, I agree. I wouldn't introduce DD to anyone who wasn't a keeper.

Maybe you will be our first dating thread bride Zany