''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

I think there are attractive men on there. But very few. They aren't my age though, and they aren't looking for relationships...that's my (limited) experience anyway.

I meet a better standard of men in RL. However they are all married, and having been down that road once (when very young and naive) I wouldn't ever again, not even with Mr Open Relationship.

Which sort of leaves me nowhere, and doesn't dispel my Miss Havisham-like visions of my future...

well if it happens we should all pool resources and buy a massive house with lots of land somewhere coastal and take in surfer boy lodgers or something for occasional entertainment.

sparks - do you have money? is it money grabbing as in you've had people who were after money clearly or money grabbing as in you don't have money and therefore they lose interest when they find out?

I have my own money. I don't care how much money a man has, so long as he has financial independence. Men however assume that my Ex 'maintains' me (hahaha, he doesn't pay me a penny!) and then are a bit /offish when they find out I earn my own money. And there was me thinking men wanted independent women!

I agree there are attractive men but it can be difficult to recognise them..photographs often give a very limited idea of a person.

Has anyone tried chatting on skype or webcam before meeting?

Sorry I should say how much or how little money a man has. Doesn't bother me if he has a low earning job, so long as he supports himself ie doesn't live rent free at his parent's house etc.

I earn a fair salary Swallowed but i'm by no means flush. Unfortunately the ex seems to think my daughter is a cash cow that can be milked at any given opportunity. She's put me in a number of situations in the last few years where i've had no choice but to pay thousands for the good of my daughter.

Despite that i don't believe the majority of women are that way inclined. Most seem staunchly independent.

Surfer babes and i'm sold on the idea! :o

Sponge I think you just have to persevere. The desirable men/women are out there,it just takes time and more than a little effort to find them. Or you can be plainly stupid like me and not realise that person was there the whole time but you didn't realise it! :)

I have come across a couple of men who were newly divorced and in temporary set ups, then seen their faces light up @ my nice cosy flat, that made me kinda nervous and I would stress how much I loved living alone and would never ever consider co habiting again.

I'm feeling increasingly reluctant to answer messages or chat with anyone, suspect dating (nsa or otherwise) is a summer hobby, think I'll find something else for dec/jan/feb

I'm more likely to meet a man in RL than online I think. I never thought online was for me and the last few months of actually trying it out has done nothing to dispel that feeling. Trouble is the men I do meet in RL are either not single or threatened by me.

Honestly the more I think about it the more I think I will be on my own forever! I don't feel sad it's more that acceptance thing, like what's supposed to happen to you when you're drowning.

no, no, no sparks. if we have surfer babes and boys i doubt we'll get much attention. needs to be friendly lovely older women giving them low rent and beautiful surroundings. you'll have to set up your own place i'm afraid

what hobby will you go for then itsalladirtylie? i'm open to ideas so glad to hear

How selfish Swallowed!

Keep the faith Sponge. As with most things in life the best things come along when you are least expecting them. If you stay positive and exude that good people will gravitate towards you,be it in real life or online dating. :)

well, I have curtains to put up, clothes to be altered, decorating to be done, books to be read, and a gym membership to get my moneys worth out of.
I might even re inflate the tyres on my bike.

I dont really appear to have time for sex

Sparks, with the best will in the world, some people it doesn't happen for. I'm one of them. Just the luck of the draw - or lack of. It's far easier to accept it than keep hoping for something that will never happen and being disappointed.

It's not the end of the world. I have a busy life and a to do list similar to itsall's. So I have plenty to occupy my time.

sponge it hasnt happened for you yet. You are resigning yourself when the future for the most is entirely unpredictable regarding relationships. How can you be so sure it wont happen for you?

Stay I honestly don't think it will. The online stuff - however good my profile is, I never get more than a handful of messages, most people seem to get loads more. In RL - I attract unsuitable men. Yes, I know, I only need to meet one man, it COULD happen at any time, but 3 years of nothing makes me think it is unlikely. I wear make up every day. I never go out looking anthing other than my best. I've lost a huge amount of weight this year. And still nothing. I can't even get to a second date let alone any kind of relationship. Not one person I know understands why I am single, but I am, and probably will remain.

It's much easier to resign myself to it never happening than upset myself by seeing myself as failing when it doesn't. If it does happen, then no-one will be happier than me. But I seriously doubt it will.

And in those 2 paragraphs you have proven why Sponge.

You need to gain some self confidence and believe in yourself. You're an articulate and intelligent women. Why the hell would there not be plenty of blokes falling over themselves to be with you?!

Self defeat is your enemy lady, start believing in yourself a bit :)

sponge I agree some people seem to get loads of messages. But its the quality of them, not the quantity. When I was on POF, I gota lot of messages, most of them utter pish and I would say a good 99% after one thing, depsite having specified I wasnt up for intimate encounters. I wouldnt put too much stock in the amount of messages people get.

I can see why you must feel downhearted, you clearly take care of yourself and have been putting yourself out there. I think the key part of your post is that you feel you attract unsuitable men. Why do you think that is? Do you think there is anything you can do personally to change the sort of men you attract?

As for failing, well we have discussed failing before on this thread. Not having a relationship doesnt make you a failure despite what women tend to be conditioned to believe.

It does sound like you are really fed up with the whole issue of dating. Time out over christmas sounds like a good idea. I personally think you sound great and very level headed, I am not surprised your friends dont understand why you are single.

POF is so annoying when it highlights who is online just because they sent a message to you not replied and deleted, why would I want to know?

I typed a big long message then and lost it.

Stay, I've hidden myself on POF for the foreseeable. I only had 2 dates from it anyway so no real loss!

Re unsuitable men, I don't know. I've always been chased by the wrong men. I always wanted the whole marriage thing, but even in my 20s I never attracted men who could or would offer that. I don't know why

Sparks I tend to judge myself not just by what I think but the opinions of others. On friday I was at a big work Xmas 'do'. Very dressed up, I thought I looked great. The only person who complimented me all night was a girl I didnt even know who I was chatting to in the toilet queue. So I think to myself well if I looked as great as I think, why wouldn't anyone else say so? I'm not looking for or expecting effusive compliments, but a casual 'you look nice' or 'love your dress' or whatever would have been fine.

can i just say it's as bad for lesbians as for straight women this dating site lark. i guess you just get a virtual cross section of society and i dont care much for the real or virtual dating worrld. maybe theres a gap in the market? you know, a 'hi hun' free site? at the moment i want to join grumpygets.com but cant find it

Sponge My bet is that you always look great. I have seen your FB photo's and also your POF profile and you look to me like a woman who always takes care of herself, lovely hair, makeup, great clothes. So, on Friday, you may have felt you looked extra great but people attending the works do will be so used to you looking fab that they won't have given it an extra thought. If you were normally a dosser then the compliments would have been flying in

Now, my theory on how you are feeling at the moment is that you are so proud of yourself for losing weight, you feel great and you know that you look great, and rightly so may I add, BUT, to other people you may have been just as great when you were carrying extra weight. People generally think you are fab and accept you for who you are no matter what so perhaps the weight loss hasn't had as big of an impact on others as it has on you. Just a thought

sponge I bet you did look great! Judging from what you have posted earlier in the thread, you said you think some men might feel intimidated by you? That would apply to women too. In my experience, a lot of folk pay compliments to those they think need it, rather than those that appear confident in themselves. if you portray being a confident individual outwardly, the lack of compliments on how you look may be to do with that. A lot of folk can be jealous too, sad but true.

It stands to reason that the more specific you are about what you want from a bloke/relationship the longer it will likely take to meet someone special enough to fulfil your ideals. I really dont think you are one of those that it wont happen for, I think three years has just taken its tole and some time out to build your confidence would be a really good idea.

ah and there is *time' to put things much better than me! How are you getting on? I was thinking of fb messaging you to see, you have been quiet of late!

By the way, I never get compliments! But who cares, not me because I know I put the effort in, I like me and that's all that matters. Anything other than that is a bonus in my book

Hi stay I'm good thanks. I've been concentrating on my maths course, trying to get as much done as I can before Christmas. My profiles are still hidden until after Christmas, maybe even until Spring when the nicer weather comes and I can go out without my hair frizzing

As for blokes being intimidated by confident and attractive women, I think they are. I also think you are right stay and some women are too. If I didn't force myself on people, if I didn't approach people and show them that I am actually down to earth and friendly then I don't think people would approach me. Some people just have an air about them that intimidates people so if you are one of them then yes, you do have to make more of an effort to make people feel comfortable around you, not because there is something wrong with you but some people are just not all that confident themselves.

I had a bit of a problem when I was first divorced with men falling in love with me and that is because I was uber confident. I didn't want a man, I was happily single, raising my children, working hard, achieving all my goals, I just loved my life and this seemed to make me very attractive to men. Didn't make me want one though!