''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

Glad to hear all is good! The hair frizz I know that one!

Same time I have been told many times I can appear as 'stuck up' (quite funny if you actually know me!) and unapproachable. My boss said to me just the other night that I have a very "disconcerting stare that makes him feel like he has done something wrong". Though most of the time he probably has! I would also agree with having to make a bit more of an effort to show people you are approachable.

It's really annoying isn't it, and actually quite hurtful, that people perceive confident people as 'stuck up'. Just because we walk with our heads held high and actually use eye contact doesn't mean we are snobs!

I may have actually discovered a cure for the frizz! I'm using Tigi Bed Head at the moment and it's working a treat. My hair is just as straight when I get home as it is when I leave. I'm still not unhiding my profiles though

sponge there could actually be quite a few men out there who take one look at you and think you are out of their league and so they don't approach you so, if a seemingly nice guy catches your eye then don't wait for him to come on to you, flash him a big smile and introduce yourself, he might just be your Mr Right!

Yup to both. I also have a reputation for being 'fiery' apparently. I am actually very laid back for the most though if I feel something needs said, then I will generally say it.

I will look into that time I straighten my hair every day, but the slightest bit of moisture and it goes all wavy. The bane of my life!

aw thank you both

Am going to take a break from dating for now. Not even looking at POF until end of Jan at the earliest.

Am giving some thought to the men I attract. Maybe I need to be more approachable in future, following on from what you said Time.

I admit I am a bit of a Princess. When I go out I expect men to approach me, I don't even really smile at them in encouragement, just stand there looking aloof like I am totally up my own arse

sponge time is right. You dont have to change who you are. Just sometimes you might need to do some initiating. Take yourself out of your comfort zone a little. Try approaching things in different ways from your norm. Can be a little scary but also good for self discovery.

I do need to do things differently I think, the one time I did I got the best man I've ever dated - and he said he would never have made the first move, he thought I was far too good for him (not true in the least!)

Honestly I always thought I had to do the 'aloof unavailable Ice Queen' thing, friends used to say things like oh, that guy's looking at you when we were out, and I'd never give them an encouraging look or a smile, I might barely look in their direction but that was about it.

I am all dressed up and made up ready for tonight but still feel very conscious of my cold sores have tried to hide with make up and that was a disaster so have put some lippy on and will hope for the best.
I really like this man so hope he likes me warts and all :) luckily sex isn't on the cards anyway.

Well there you have it if you give out the impression you are unavailable then that is how you will be perceived. Blokes can be just as lacking in confidence as women, no matter how confident one may appear on the surface. Its not being desperate to show you are interested nor setting you up to have the piss taken out of you. I am all for taking chances. Spent far too long in my teens and most of my twenties thinking you had to do things 'correctly'.

daisy I feel your cold sore pain, I really do! I am the only person I know besides my deceased grandma that gets them on my bloody nose, never on my mouth!!! Thank you grandma for that blessing! seriously though, once they start there is sod all you can do about them and they are really common. It doesnt make you a leper! Try to forget about them and enjoy yourself! Good luck!

Sponge Half the time blokes are too worried to compliment a woman,especially in a work do scenario. It's a sad fact that in their world the repercussions could potentially be severe.

Speaking of which, you're all too scary and confident! :o

Thank you Stay, it is bad enough the kids from school commenting on them all the time, bless them. Students are always so honest :) I am going to pretend they are not there and enjoy my evening :)

it's a funny thing to appear confident even when you don't think of yourself as confident necessarily.

i too have had the thing of people assuming i must be stuck up or really keen on myself. short of acting thicker or making myself look even crapper than the bag lady i look like most days or depricating myself EVEN more i'm not sure what i can do about it so...? maybe i could crawl around on the floor with my head down doffing my cap to all in sundry?

meh. think i'm actually done with making myself smaller and shall give it a wide berth from now on.

chatted briefly to a few people on pof before going out today and said i'd go back online tonight which i may do when ds goes to bed shortly. quite a few really young guys - maybe i shouldn't auto discount them just for being young? not sure.

fitboy has gone all cagey and weird - i'm sure he thinks that if he's too friendly with a woman after having sex with them they will be breaking into his house and stealing his underpants or something. have the distinct feeling he doesn't really 'get' me lol

sponge :( i do know how you feel, ive been single as long as you. But i do not believe its because you, nor i are doing anything wrong. Or look wrong. Or act wrong. It just hasnt happened for whatever reason ( or even for no reason)
I think its a good thing to be happy as you are, not to accept the situation as such, but to maybe not put as much emphasis on it, its maybe that which is causing you to think you have failed, which you havent. None of us have.

If you want a break then have a break :)

and i hardly ever get compliments either. AND though im confident im the most down to earth person, you know, they type that everyone talks to... random people in shops/the street/ in a queue etc. hasnt made any difference to my dating at all. Ive often wondered if i should try to be more the other way, but you know what? that wouldnt be me. And if its not you, then dont change!

My friend has just started internet dating. Though ive thought this year was been a bit crap on the dating front she was goggle eyed at how many dates i had been on and all my stories, she said that internet dating obviously works, which is the opposite of what i would have said, but just shows its all in the viewpoint.

I used to have the nick name Ice Maiden because I didn't let men near me. I was like you sponge, aloof and unsmiling and had a barbed tongue, I really disliked men and didn't want them near me. Over time, as my life changed for the better so did my attitude, I still didn't want a man but I didn't feel so threatened by them so my barriers came down. I was never seen without a smile and would talk all night long, about anything, I was just 'me', and that is what made me attractive to men. Just being myself but taking time to listen to them and chat.

These days I smile all the time, I love to laugh and will still talk to anyone, I just love people. I don't wait for people to decide whether they like me or not, I will talk to them regardless.

daisy I get that all the time from kids. Not for the dreaded coldsore oddly enough though I suppose when it does manage to break through the zovirax forcefield it doesnt last long...but for the birthmark on my neck. I have lost count of the amount of kids that have asked me what it is, wanted to touch it or if toddlers, tried to wipe it off! just because they observe something doesnt mean its horrific!

Last night at work a drunk lassie asked me if it was a 'hickey'. I looked her up and down, asked her if I looked 12 and asked her for ID.

stay you do have quite a piercing and direct stare in some pics.

It's interesting looking at people's profile pics and then looking at their FB pics. People generally seem more "likeable" when they're dressed more casually and / or having fun or chilling with their mates or their kids than they are in the pics they've chosen for their online dating pics.

watch, I'm like you. People see me as friendly and approachable and "safe" in most social settings, but that doesn't translate into dateable or doable unfortunately. I'm sure if I had a few grand to throw at the problem I could tidy myself up, lose weight, buy some snazzy clothes and get out there and do some prospecting in real life, but I'm cash and time poor so it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.

joblot do you mean that there's just as much game playing and what have you in lesbian as in heterosexual dating?
maybe it's just the nature of the dating beast, rather than things inherent to 'politics' between men & women?

Poppa you don't need money to tidy yourself up! You can do it on the cheap like me. Dieting costs nothing then you can buy new clothes from charity shops or ebay. Simples! Failing that, get people to sponsor you for your weight loss, make a tidy profit then blow it all in posh shops on new clothes

Poppa, I don't think approachable means undatable or undo able. Not at all, and I'm far from the safe option either.... LOL. For I Will be the one being the centre of attention :)

Losing weight costs nothing, in fact costs less! Lol. And clothes do not make the person. Last few dates I worn the same
jeans, jumper and scarf....and the jumper was from primark 3 years ago!!! Hasn't effected anything. I've been asked out again, and had sex wearing.it too!!!
What I'm trying to.say is actually, none of that stuff matters

Definately don't need cash poppa to 'tidy' yourself up although personally I don't think you need it.

Well I have had an interesting day. I got a proposal from Mr Yacht late last night, think he had had a few drinks at his friends house but then he followed it up by telling me how he feels and that I am the one!!!! He doesn't want to scare me off but he has never felt this way.

Will post more in response to others tomorrow as my lap top is as slow as can be and has taken 12 hour to post this

watch, you do realise I now have this mental picture of you bonking your little heart out wearing nothing but a scarf? Mind you it's a good picture! :)

Maybe I need to clarify... As you know I spend my days looking after the GD. Once she's been picked up I try to get out to my workshop, then usually in and out for coffees, food, on and off FB, these threads etc. Same thing for weekends. So I eat the wrong foods in the wrong quantities, don't get enough exercise, let myself get a smidge stressed about finances etc., all of which don't add up to a cruisy chilled out kind of mindset. This past weekend was a great example. I was waiting for some money from eBay sales and two out of three of the bottom feeding bastards customers had paid by Paypal eCheque on Monday and the other paid by Paypal on Thursday, so I had just enough money for smokes for the weekend, had to ration my heart meds (yes, I know!) and had to cancel taking my grandson across town to spend Sunday afternoon with my other stepson and his partner and her girls which the GS and I had been looking forward to. Yes, it gave me more time in the workshop, and yes, sometime today or tomorrow I'll be flash for cash again, but how crazy would I be to even contemplate dating in those circumstances, even assuming I was getting messages from suitable people that led to dates? Now let's jump into a parallel universe where I have a liveable income and my nights and weekends are my own, where I could take up the offers to do musical stuff with real people in the real world, where I have the time and means to move through life a bit quicker which would lead to a better lifestyle and more social inclusion therefore a better chance of bumping into The One and then engaging her with my winning smile.

I really do feel for the 20 and 30something single Mums. I'm sure most of them are fantastic people with a lot to offer, but because of financial stresses and family responsibilities their primary outlet for finding a mate is online dating, and a lot of what they'll find out there is a younger version of me!

itsalla there are some differences but bottom line is people behave badly/oddly whatever their gender or sexuality. When someone disappears I imagine they have good reason, even tho it may seem odd to me. bad manners and poor spelling are everywhere.

Gay men's dating sites are a whole different ball game... anyone seen grindr? But the bullshiters are everywhere. That's life eh?