''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

Oh, he has just text me.......

Glad you had a nice time Watch. I know what you mean, sometimes something can be really good just in and of itself. Doesn't have to happen again.

He sounds "fun" though

Ooooh what does the text say? really must get a life of my own

It says ' just got home, stopped at waitrose on the way back. Had an excellent day, thank you. You are quite amazing. Hope you had a good dinner at your mums abd remembered a meatball for the dog'

We are texting.........

Hmm. I don't know. I could do lots of sex again. He found my g spot and everything ( quite impressive for the first few times) but I don't want to lead him on or get sucked into something more serious... You know?

I do know.

Have you let him know what you are and aren't up for? Does he know where you stand? Because if you've told him clearly then he's responsible for looking after himself emotionally.

He does sound nice to be fair. Amazing in bed is good. And that was a sweet message.

Yeah, he is a nice guy. Seems thoughtful and was really good in bed. Very, very unselfish.

He knows, sort of. He asked a few days ago if I would hypertheticalky be interested in a relationship with the right person... And I said proberly.

after checking a link to a profile on the last net dating thread I'm feeling a bit tempted to copy and paste bit's of dating profile's here for a bit of public ridicule.
But that would be cruel, nasty & gratuitous and I'd deserve to burn in hell ( )

Watchoutfor, I'm heartened to hear that there are good unselfish lovers to be found!
I went for an initial 'coffee & chat' date with someone today, thought he was quite nice!

It'sall, are you seeing him again?

watch I'm glad he was nice. I say keep in contact and see how it goes :)

I have nothing to report. the 23 year old is messaging me again, but I feel like his mum tbh (I am old enough to be!) and zero interest from anyone else. Not even messages to delete! I've had 2 blokes in the last week or so add me as a favourite but never message me. Which probably sums up my luck. This is one of those times when I really do feel the chances of me meeting anyone I can even get to a second date with, let alone a relationship, are infinitessimally small

nothing arranged yet Adams, but post meet texting suggests that both parties are agreeable to a further meeting

It'sall that's nice.

Sponge you are not having as much bad luck as me!

Watch, surely you must want to see him again?

Woohoo! Next FWB meet on Thurs or Fri :o

Hatesponge I so know the feeling. Crap isn't it. Or rather aren't they ---> points at dating sites

Well I've been chatting to a PE teacher over the last week or so. He said he hasn't met anyone from the site as he hasn't felt attracted enough to anyone to want to pursue things. He then said that he thought I was very attractive and that he was really enjoying talking to me.

He hasn't asked me out though, and to be honest all this messaging back and forth has a shelf life as far as I'm concerned. He needs to pull his finger out or I'm going to stop replying to his messages....

Lubey, I don't think its the sites. I think it's me.

That's not to say I have a low opinion of myself. I honestly don't. I know I am attractive, witty, clever. I have a good job, my own home. All of which of itself is great (you'd think). But clearly whatever thing it is that men want, that they look for and are attracted to, I don't have. Which is why I can't meet a man online or in RL who has any interest in me beyond a snog or a shag. It's always been the same ever since I can remember, I've had lots of attention, esp when I was younger and thinner, but you can count on one hand the number of men I've properly dated. And that's not me being fussy and rejecting men by the dozen, the others just weren't that interested.

Can't just be bad luck really. Maybe if I was in my 20s I could think that. But at nearly 40...not likely.

call me a cynical misandrist if you like hatesponge, but being what men want might not always be a good thing, I mean if you're clever and earn your own money, can take care of yourself, it's not so easy to get you to play a supporting role in someone elses life.

Like I said I'm a cynical misandrist...

Watch, great news - good in bed AND he texts and communicates. I'm glad you are enjoying the moment

I have a date with one of my 'fallback options' tonight, but am not really into it & do not hold out much hope. The guy I am 'sort of seeing' is lovely, but utterly useless at communicating & I really do not need that in my life right now, so I am being selfish & staying on the hunt for something better hoping that he bucks his ideas up

it'salladirtylie please do indulge yourself. I am evil and like pulling apart awful dating profiles (so I can learn and upate my own accordingly..)

watch yeehah! good. glad you had fun. and he brought malteasers! do see him again of you can be bothered - even in a FWB type way, but I'd be wary he might want more... who knows...

hatesponge I can understand that. If we think that men want 'traditional' helpless women (which some might, some might not...) in a kind of stereotypical-gender-expectation way then we're snookered, aren't we?

although lie I guess the perspective is playing a 'supporting' role in someone elses life... sometimes, I think there's room for someone else in a balanced way, where we support each other - but I'm very set in my ways and want stuff my own way - but I wouldn't havetime for anyone wet who let me have things my own way.

gahh! complicated...

Sponge, I understand exactly what you are saying, it's how I have felt for a long time. I am very independent and support myself and DD in our own house etc. Don't have such a great job, it get me by, but that's the price I pay for living in a lovely area. Don't forget you are bringing up your boys and the circumstances of being a single parent means you put your DC's first before any man. Which is exactly how it should be.

I'm in the position now where soon I won't be a single parent but my income is still tied into how much help DD will get for uni so I will have to stay single for ever unless I meet a very wealthy man .

I always think men are mainly looking for a pretty face and presume that has been my downfall . But I'm sure other factors comes into it.

I think you should share some profiles itsalldirty

Watch Really pleased to hear your date went well and he managed to find your G spot. HAve you arranged to see him again?

Well all I can say about last night is OMG. It the sex was amazing and I think I might be a little bit in love. Can I still stay though

sponge - i dont think thats the case at all. i really dont.I think you are being far to harsh on yourself, really you are. Instead of thinking that you are needing to impress men, and what you should be doing for them, then it should be about what they can do for you. it works both ways. You should not think you are lacking anything, thats just bullshit. maybe if you are feeling awful you need to take a break from dating? and then, when you are feeling less bad about yourself ( because you shouldnt feel like that at all) try again. I think when online dating you need to have a pretty thick skin and the constant rejection/messing about can be hard to take sometimes.

i dont want to be a supporting role in anyones life - been there, done that. Should i ever enter into a relationship again, it will have to be a mutual thing, but like snape says, i cant be with somone that lets me have it all my own way either :)

make - i know how you feel about constant messages, i tend to think if they havent asked me out after two weeks then they arent going to, or arent that interested in actually meeting. Ive wasted lots of time in the past whittering on for ages and ages ( we are talking months and months) talking to people because they were flakey about meeting up. A quick coffee date isnt so hard is it, you know.

We are still texting this morning.... i dont know. I supose i would like more sex...... i just dont think i want a relationship with him ( or possibly anyone)
it felt very comftable and nice, but lacked that butterfly, firework thing in the pit of your stomach...... i want that, im probably being unrealistic seeing as thats only happened with two people in my entire life.

watch - enjoy! let's face it how often does fantastic from the off sex come along? not often enough to be scoffed at if you ask me. trouble with me is that if the sex is really, really good i think i'm in love with the guy - i confuse my gspot with my heart i think

hatesponge - maybe you come across as out of people's league?

i'm texting a lot with this guy and doing the stupid thing of then not chatting to anyone else or really going onto the site even. can anyone who uses POF tell me if there is a way to be invisible as in it not show up that you're online? i'd like to be able to look at emails and profiles without randoms sending chat invites all the time - it just feels seedy as i'm convinced (given they've never sent a message or anything previously) they're just clicking on everyone online looking for sex chat.

x posted. yay for great sex for zany too!

i need great sex sometime soon.

when is my turn?

adams - you wont have to stay single forever.... you can date someone and it not affect your income or uni suport or whatever.. its only if you are living with someone. AND, there is after uni as well. And as for the pretty face thing, hahahahahaha, have you actually looked around you when you are out and about? have you seen that even really, really, unattractive people are in couples, its got nothing to do with it.

zany - yay! and course you can stay. and yes, i was most impressed with his finding of my g spot his company. I dont know if i will see him again, we are still texting this morning.........

oh and i had a realisation of why i'm not finding anyone attractive. i'm comparing everyone (without realising i was doing it) to the last guy i was with and how much attraction i felt for him. thing is though i don't think i felt that level of attraction before we started sleeping together - it was the chemistry and great sex that heightened how attractive i found him. so it's not a fair comparison and i need to stop. it.

Hello daters! I have much admiration for the gutsiness you all display.

I've come here looking for confirmation that it's OK for me NOT to contact a nice man who I had a lovely time with last week and who was clearly into me at the time, and to just view him as confirmation that I am an attractive person, but that I don't need to chase him to further confirm it. Even though we clicked and are both available and I have few occasions to meet men.

Part of me is very much going "oh WHY isn't he asking me out for coffee or summat?" (we work in the same building), but I've decided that's the part of me that Needs A Man, so I'm trying to just let things be and feel strong and happy about the fact that - for a couple days at least - I got to enjoy being open and friendly with a man who was open and friendly back, but that doesn't mean I HAVE to take it further.

I have left an abusive marriage 9 months ago, btw, so feeling strong and independent is pretty important to me right now. Intensive therapy has brought me to a pretty good place and I feel I've resolved my post-breakup and post-abuse issues, and could be ready to date again. However, I've always chased (bad) men before in a puppyish way, and I don't want to risk sending out that puppy persona again by asking him out, IYSWIM.

Nice man has left long-term relationship of his own fairly recently (don't know the details of when and how he's feeling about it though), so if he's not seeking me out then I'm happy to assume that he is wisely dealing with his own issues first, and/or that he wasn't all that attracted to me after all, and that that's OK too.

So please tell me it's OK not to seek out a date and be all que sera sera about it. Thanks!