''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

Is DatingDirect still going? I joined for 3 months once years ago, got my monies worth and went on quite a few dates. All perfectly nice but dull as dishwater. One had the smallest weener I've ever felt. He was the only one I saw a few times.

Wouldn't go on a pay site again as it's not important enough to pay.

The good thing is - someone like that has shown what he is like before I get involved with him. And I'm not wasting my time on prats. Wasted enough time in my marriage on one.

adamschic - I went on there as they had a special offer (it was my birthday). I'm also on POF? Are you on there? Or what other free ones are there?

Yes I'm in POF. The good looking ones are players and the others are no hopers but it's sometimes worth hanging around on.

Sorry Swallowed but pissing myself at the "haven't had sex in a while" thing!

I suppose it could be true but if that is the case then you just get it over with and then go again surely!?

well that was my thinking sparks yes! but it was a squeezed in thing (no pun intended with both of us getting up in the morning) but still - ffs. was a fairly frustrating experience and i think i only want to do it again because i didn't get a proper go i'm sure good things could be done with that equipment but suspect you might have to tie him down and gag him to stop him frigging talking! he's actually really good fun to chat with and we laughed loads and he's very good looking and got a body that much fun could be had with but he really should just stfu and let me take control of that side of things

so if i do go for a repeat it will be on my terms and he will bloody well shut the fuck up and calm down or i will staple him to a bed hmpf.

lubey i'm not fussed either really but that little dabble has made me realise that i DO want sex and a 5minute taster is definitely. not. enough.

i go for ages and ages without even thinking about men and sex but when it wakes up i would like to indulge - that really shouldn't be that hard or complicated should it? why do i always meet such killjoy fucking head pickle numpties who don't know when to just shut up and enjoy and see what happens rather than start having weird scheming/panicking/insuring shite going on? allegedly it's women who are supposed to be neurotic - i think i only get neurotic on the back of wondering what on earth is going on with some numpty who's acting weird and hot/cold/confused/just plain weird instead of just being a normal adult.

good rant there. sorry.

start i'd tear a strip off of him for the next woman then kick him to the curb. ie. is there an essential part of your brain missing that you think it's normal to be winking at a woman you stood up the day before?

He sounds a bit sexually naive tbh Swallowed. Maybe you just need to educate him! I think any of us blokes would be lying if we said it had never happened. But the first time with a new woman you have to at least "perform" to a certain extent! Still, if you do again he's all out of excuses! :o

I agree sparks. And I'm sure some of the women I've spent time with thought they were God on a stick in the sack yet there's only so many times you can run through the lyrics to Hotel California or Stairway To Heaven while thinking for chrissake either cum or tell me what you want me to do to float your boat!

Yep, that's never a good experience Rob!

Having said that finding out what someone likes is a pretty important part of the fun! I think what's most important is that you have someone who's sexually confident. If they're not the sex will only ever be mediocre at best.

I think it's also true to say that some people will just never learn to use what they have! :0

well I had a v enjoyable evening last night My Xmas party dress attracted lots of attention, got a job offer :) and found out a lot of interesting info about work stuff which may help me with my forthcoming interview!

Also was told someone I have a soft spot for is in an open relationship (he didnt tell me, someone else did). Likely to be BS isn't it? Do people really have open relationships?

I dont think sexual confidence is an absolute thing, it can depend on the situation and on the ways in which two people respond to each other.

I mean sometimes it seems like you just dont 'gel' with a person and it's a bit awkward.
With other people things things just flow more easily and no-one feels self conscious.

hatesponge I think open relationships do exist

Maybe you're right dirtylie. But i figure if someone isn't somewhat sexually confident your not going to be able to gel. What's certainly true is some people are just mot compatible.

agreed itsall - some people just are very good at bipassying all of your insecurities and whatever and you feel massively confident with them - or the chemistry between the two of you is just 'like' that. this guy it was like he had a fixed idea of how sex is and what a woman wants - to be perfectly blunt i think he was in that young mind set that things foreplay is something you do for a girl to get her off so that you can then guilt free enjoy 'your bit' which is penetration. doesn't really cut it when you're in your mid thirties and have gotten used to that being your bit as well when it's done well and you're given enough space to lead things a bit. not sure if that's too vague or too graphic

some people can't read cues at all so it does get awkward. and tbf there is nothing worse than some guy going what do you want me to do to you repeatedly as if he thinks it's sexy when you just feel like he's trying to take a short cut to the shops rather than actually 'feel' you and go on a sexual journey with you and he hasn't actually tried much.

a certain amount of sexual confidence is going to be a necessary condition..in as much as without it you'd be very unlikely to put yourself in a situation where sex might occur
But I imagine we are all different with different people..or do some people play out the same script with everyone?

yep that's it - some men still think that sex is something you do to a woman rather than with a woman.

i miss the brazilian

i reckon some men play out the same script with everyone itsall - and that's when sex feels boring and weird and not 'genuine' or something.

'tbf there is nothing worse than some guy going what do you want me to do to you repeatedly as if he thinks it's sexy when you just feel like he's trying to take a short cut to the shops rather than actually 'feel' you and go on a sexual journey with you and he hasn't actually tried much.'

oh yes! what she said

my impression (just from my own 'research' ) is that some (most??) men just want to get off, others actively enjoy womens bodies

or am I being unfair to men?

I've no doubt there's some blokes who don't give a damn about there partners enjoyment.

Personally knowing a woman is turned on is the biggest turn on in itself. I couldn't sleep with someone if i thought they were simply going through the motions!

it's not even as extreme as not giving a damn about their partners enjoyment is subtler - like not having a feel for their partners enjoyment or more like not actively enjoying their partners enjoyment. and tbf from my experience it's not that there are a few men like that who don't 'get' it, it's that their only a few who do get it and they are like gold dust who turn the whole thing around.

seriously. i miss the brazilian

personally I only care about my own enjoyment

only joking

Well maybe there's more of us than you think swallowed and you've just not hit a good patch! :o

ok so itsall i want honest opinon and advice so excuse upcoming waffle:

since having my son (well since getting pregnant) i've gotten really prudish or something. i've only had sex with 2 men (up until this business the other night) since having ds (over 4 and a half fgs) and it's felt like a really big deal when i have and with both i've ended up thinking i was falling in love with them etc.

so now i've had so far a one night stand with this guy and it's tempting to think oh well that was my foray into the world of sex again but! i suspect that i should not let myself do that and should get back on pof and find men i fancy (for now forgetting perfect relationship material) and could possibly have a spark with and get flirting and meeting up with them. i suspect (though it goes against the whole sexual morality grain i've overgrown since becoming a mother) that i should have sex with at least one more guy in the near future and get back a sense of perspective about what sex is (re doesn't have to be love/relationship etc) etc.

am i going too far the other way into slapper world or am i onto something? i'd like to know if and when i do get into a relationship it's because i genuinely want to be with that person rather than i had sex with them therefore i made something come out of it or i enjoyed the sex and lacked faith there'd be another bus along later therefore hung in there.

blunt advice appreciated.

i very much hope you're right sparks where do you live again

I hear you on the brazillian guy swallowed, and yeah I miss this or that person with whom the sex was especially good.

I think sex that really works is often fragile and fleeting, you can be in a blissed out haze of eroticism at the start of a relationship, but sex often deteriorates when the grind of daily life wears away the shine