''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

but i dont just mean baggage in a child sense, but also in an emotional sense... which might lead to being hesitant, or unsure, or whatever. If you have two people like that its a whole lot harder than two people, early 20's no responsibilities and the world at their feet, you know.

puppy - sods law :) hat?

definitely hat.

I love hats, they can cover all disasters , and the trilby style hat is in at the moment but I'm convinced it doesn't look right on me now that my hair is shorter.

I'm starting to realise that I do have emotional baggage, despite being sure that I don't. I'm going with the mind set that I know what I'm worried about and so rightly/wrongly I will keep my guard up until I am more sure. Thankfully I have been able to talk to Mr Yacht about this so far and he seems to be in a simular position.

Weird I posted earlier but it's not there.

I suppose most of them were child free and in their 20's yes, but my point is that even when I was child free and in my 20's it was never that way for me. Just pondering what is different about me and why I attract the fling seekers but not people that want an actual relationship with me. Because that's not a recent thing, it has always been that way. I've been engaged once, and married once but in between and since plenty of pick ups but none of them wanting more.

Maybe I am overlooking the men who would want that with me? But if I am then they need to be a hell of a lot more proactive and let me know because as far as I can see they don't exist

Hi everyone Lots going on at the moment!

watch so pleased you had a great time. I think you can carry on just as you are with the great sex without getting into a relationship, as long as you are up front with him about what you want and don't want then the rest is for him to deal with. If he wants more than you do then he will have to do what's right for him. That bit will be his responsibility.

Zany I am so pleased for you!! How lovely that it's all working out with Mr Yacht, and from what you say of him he does sound lovely

sponge I don't think you are doing anything wrong, I don't think you are lacking in any area. Maybe it's just something that happens as we, and that includes men, get older. Perhaps things just change. When younger people are seeking proper relationships, they want mortgages and babies and all that stuff. At my age they have done all of that, they have had the mortgage and had the babies and maybe they just don't feel there is a need for anything long term. BUT, having said all of that, there are men out there who are looking for the fairytale ending, you just haven't hit upon one yet. The trick is not to get downhearted about it, don't give up, keep positive and you can be sure it will happen when you least expect it

Nowt happening here but profile still hidden. I sent Novacane a message explaining I was disabling my profile so not actively looking for dates at the moment and he sent me a load of waffle his email address and told me we should email outside Cupid. Surname Fayed. Is that American? Whatever it is his grammar is terrible and English is most definitely not his first language. I'm still not convinced that photo is him either.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Sometimes Freakoid I think you can come across to people very different to how you actually are. I had a drunken conversation a few years ago with a very close friend of mine and he said that his perception of me had always been, as a teenager,that I was a bit too 'free and easy' with regards to sleeping with someone whereas in reality I would often be caught snogging at the end of the night, but I always went home alone and was actually a bit prudish and met my now XH at 19.

What I mean is that althiugh you are wanting more than a fling maybe you don't give off this persona. What do your friends who know you think

Very few men see me as relationship material, has always been the same

I think younger it was because I was a bit of a ladette - I always dressed mostly feminine but I got on better with men/boys, I was a bit free and easy with a 'male' attitude to sex

As I've got older, I think they see someone who is too independent, I also have a very high sex drive and the same attitude - so I get loads of f*ckbuddies but few boyfriends. I am very forward and will message people I like and offer up phone no, so maybe I'm seen as being too pushy? I am looking at changing this, hence the dating sites but that means not being me. All very confusing

I'm chatting to a few at the moment but no dates forthcoming yet. One has gone on holiday and said we will have a drink when we get back, so we'll see

The one with the friend and the set up, got even worse. I did talk to him over the week but couldn't meet up over the weekend. When I didn't answer a text in 10 minutes, I got called a player lol So, told him no more contact - freak

Also told muscles he needed to go away as he was phoning constantly, using me a counsellor - he even cried down the phone! Wouldn't meet so I told him to leave me alone also - more freak

onwards and upwards again

Shame about muscles Ms Cello, sounds as though he isn't ready to date yet. I almost dated someone like the set up friend last year. He would get really funny if I didn't answer emails/textx immediately. When I said we shouldn't meet up he then got nasty, and then asked me out again a few days later, I agreed but cancelled in the end, talk about standards slipping

It's not an age issue for me, I've never attracted men who wanted relationships, not even when I was young. I might have done at uni but they were all v shy and public school, and mostly viewed me as a chav. And I had no idea about boys, I'd never been out socially (my dad didn't allow it) so I didn't encourage them - I wouldnt have known how!

And after that...thinking about it, most men think of me as hugely confident and outgoing, I remember one guy I know (who I fancied for ages in my early 20s) saying how he remembered first seeing me, all short skirt and lots of hair, sitting on the kitchen worktop at a friend's party holding court . He was v surprised to hear years later that I was hiding in the kitchen cos the other room was full of people I didn't know/was scared to speak to! Perhaps the nice men are scared of me...the ones who are brave enough to approach me see me as a challenge, but too much hard work for more than that. I've only ever made the running with one man, with much success (but he did say that if I hadnt, nothing would ever have happened because he would never have believed I would be interested in anyone like him...)

I am also a bit of a fish out of water. I have friends who look and dress like me, and like the same stuff I do, but they don't do my job or have my education. And the ones who do my job or studied with me are more ...well, sensible boring for want of a better word.

The more I think about it the more I think that for me to find the man I want, and is deserving of me, I need to be more active, and less passive. Not in The Rules etc I know, but the only time I have, it was very successful, which is enough justification for me :)

Yes sponge, I agree that you should be more active, mainly because it would be doing something different to what you have been doing recently. If you always do what you've always done you will always get what you've always got!

Sod The Rules!

I'm not one for doing things by rules generally so I think dating should be no exception! Am thinking as a start of messaging the men who have favourited me (who actually aren't bad, better than the ones I normally get messages from!) - now I just need to think of something to say... :)

Yes! Do it! I'm proud of you!!

If the guys have anything interesting in their profiles you could pick on that and use it in a message, maybe? Or just say "Hi, I don't bite very hard if you feel like saying hello!"

You know, it's quite possible that men take a look at your profile and pass you by because they don't feel they would live up to your expectations, as someone mentioned upthread, they could think you are out of their league. That's what I choose to believe when I have an empty inbox anyway

Also sponge have another look at your profile and see if there is anything you need to change or if there is anything else you can say to come across as more forthright get your message across.

ah thank you! I tell myself the same thing!

the irony is I'm actually not demanding at all. Men think I am, I've been called high maintenance by several (Mr FN said it the other week) and I'm honestly not!

time if I pm you a link do you want to see what you think of it? please I think it's pretty good tbh, but fresh pair of eyes & all that!

I know exactlywhat you mean! I used to get called Lady of The Manor by 'friends' when I lived with The Ex. I can only think that was because I have always taken good care of myself, what they don't know is that I was so short of money that I had to buy my clothes from Ebay. I'm not high maintenance either but it is presumed that I am. So I believe you sponge

Yes sponge, I would love to!

Hi all - I just wondered how you feel on this one. Been chatting to a bloke off POF for a few weeks and was gona meet up this Friday for a drink. We've been talking about meeting up as soon as we could. Anyway when I asked him if I could have his mobile he said it was charging in his van. Now call me suspicious what does that have to do with giving me his number? I asked him twice and he gave the same reply. I offered him mine. I just didnt want to turn up at a pub without his number just in case anything happened why he couldnt show (Ive been stood up before). So did I jump the gun and say thanks but no thanks I get a feeling you are hiding something eg live in partner/married.

Time, that sounds so familiar - at school one of my nicknames was Margot (from the Good Life). I lived in a council house and was probably one of the poorest in my year!

My mum was as bad though, she was known as the Duchess of Stepney (area of London where she grew up)....it's clearly genetic! (actually it might be, I remember my mum saying she never thought she'd meet anyone as she was still single in her early 30s, and could never get a bf, then she met my dad :) )

have pm'd you!

seaside, I've got to say that seems weird to me too. I could get him saying oh heres my no, but I havent got my phone with me so no point in texting etc BUT to pretty much refuse the number, well at best it's a work phone and he's not meant to use it for personal stuff (in which case he's tight!) or else he has a wife or gf (in which case he's a bit of a twat).

I think it's prob the latter tbh.

I can understand someone being wary about giving mobile numbers out but Ive chatted to this guy for nearly 3 weeks. And he always initiated the chat so why the hesitation. Oh well I told him thanks for that but I'll pass. Ive already moved on to a new one.

That does seem a bit strange to me Seaside, just because its charging doesn't mean he can't give him

s number. Has he replied?

sponge I have waffled replied! We must just give off a Regal Aura sponge . It's not our problem though, it's just how we are perceived. I did get sick of hearing both my parents when I was younger and then The Ex accuse me of thinking I was something I wasn't, that wasn't true at all, I knew my place because I was constantly told I was nobody special. It all boiled down to their insecurities and their own perception of me.

sea sod him! Don't get involved with a guy who plays games, there are plenty more fish in the sea so don't waste your time on a squid, get rid!

I deleted myself from the dating sites, they were poo. Lady at work uses Badoo and has just met a lovely man he is 51 there is hope for the oldies after all.