''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

Zany pleased for you.

It'sme, it's normal to want him to ask you out again but don't let it show and just wait. If he doesn't you will be over it by the time you realise it and if he does then go and enjoy his company again.

I've done that in the past too Swallowed. I kept comparing how easy the conversation flowed with an ex but then realised that since had known him since we were 18 then it bloody well should flow. I still worry at times about silences but then think about how many times I have been out with friends and there is a natural lull in conversation. I think we are programmed to think that we will meet someone and there is instant attraction and you will feel that you can talk about anything but it's not like that in real life so quickly after meeting.

Zany - hurrah for you! Maybe we should have an Internet dating graduate thread or something

maybe especially when you're meeting in these ways zany - because usually you'd have some kind of shared history, a mutual friend, a place you worked together to gossip about etc etc. this is a fairly 'cold' way of meeting someone i should think.

Watch glad it went well FWIW I have several times in the past thought I was happy to just leave it after some good sex, but once the post sex glow had worn off a bit realised that actually maybe I did want more.

Zany am pleased it's all going well for you.

SAF I'm similar to you I think, don't really feel comfortable with the whole internet dating thing but have realised if I don't put myself out there I probably won't meet anyone.

Sponge I get a lot of interest when I go out etc, but it's only ever people wanting a snog or a shag...occasionally a fling. Over the years I've started 'seeing' quite a few people but it's rarely gone further than a couple of weeks. Whatever it is that makes people want a relationship with you, I don't think I have it either!

Am meeting someone for coffee next week hopefully...been chatting a bit, not sure if there's going to be anything there. Communication so far has been pleasant and a bit bland but I suppose it's hard when you haven't even met someone!

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow yes it's very very very OK not to contact him, and hello :o

Zany :o

It'smeandmypuppy definitely ok not to contact him and to enjoy a date as a date without feeling the need to take it further.

HI Puppy it's fine not to contact him. I was in an abusive relationship for a while and I found that although internet dating is a bit of a shark pool at times it also did alot for my self esteem and proved him wrong when my ex said no one under 50 would be interested. Enjoy the dating/attention from men as it can be fun, especially when you have this thread to share your low's and highs.

Swallwed brilliant way of seeing is as internet dating is a cold way to meet someone.

freakoid, I'm so glad it's not just me (well not glad iyswim, but it makes me feel less odd!)

watch, I'm honestly not being harsh on myself. I know I'm attractive, I'm not (yet) as great as I can be but I'm getting there. But even when I was at my absolute peak in my 20s, I got loads of attention. Loads of men fancied me. But date me, not so much, in fact almost not at all. So it intrigues me, am more curious than upset by it - I have friends who are serial monogamists, and have literally never been single for more than a couple of days in the last 20 years. I just wonder what the difference is between us...

Re taking a break from dating, it's not like I date much anyway tbh. and if I give it up completely, I'll have another year like last year where literally nothing happened at all.

I'm not sure what it is though sponge, and wish I knew! I'm easy going, I'm not demanding or high maintenance, I look after myself, I'm quite happy for a man to have their own life outside of me, I like to have a lot of sex -what's not to love??

Hate - the difference is that some woman just cannot cope with being single. So they adapt themselves to whatever a potential new bloke is looking for. Then ultimately it all goes wrong because they are pretending to be something they are not. A lot of women do this. You however, are just yourself and haven't yet met the right one. That's all it is. There is nothing wrong with you, you aren't missing anything. I wouldn't stop dating if I were you. Just don't over analyse too much

maybe that actually men want needy, non independent, high maintenance women? or that those attributes are what it takes to tangle your lives together. disturbing thought.

Thanks for the wise and kind words, everyone!

Sponge I wanted to say what stay said but she got there first. So consider her words heartily seconded.

Puppy - as others have said, it's fine not to contact him. If it was me though, I would probably fire off a little message just saying you had a nice time but there was no potential for you. If you put the shoe on the other foot and you were into someone that didn't feel the same and didn't contact you in any way, I would imagine you would do the whole paranoia what's wrong with me thing. There is absolutely no requirement for you to do so though, just my own opinion.

...oh but there is potential , stay!

Well, maybe: same interests, same soh, both v sharp, similar career aspirations, etc.

Except that there wasn't any sexual spark for me. Frankly, I assumed he was gay, which is why I was able to be so fully open and myself with him (we were together on a multi-day work trip, so it wasn't a formal date, though it ended up including fancy meal for 2 with wine on a romantic piazza where I was quizzed on my age and availability, and hints were dropped as to his own availability (and his straightness suddenly became clear)...).

Must go around assuming available men are gay more often... Or just realise that it is indeed best to be myself.

Definately best to be yourself Puppy, I dated a really really hot guy a couple of years ago and I realised afterwards I wasn't really being myself and I didn't feel comfortable but went along with things as I couldn't believe he would want to date me. Now I think to hell with them if they don't like the real me (although singing at the top of my voice was probably an attribute I should keep to myself)

I would like to think I'm not the type of woman Stay who can't cope with being single. I am quite happy to be on my own or on my own with the DC's but I would like for someone else to be there too at times. I think if you are doing somenthing or behaving a particular way that makes you feel uncomfortable then your not being yourself.

Puppy - in which case, I don't see the harm in asking for a date if that's what you would like. It sounds like if he were to ask then you would go. For all we know, the nice guy could be thinking the same as you and waiting for you to contact him. It wouldnt be chasing, on a one off basis.

sponge - could it be that they 'settle' while you dont?
I have friends like this, and also those that are baffled by my single status ( and at times i am too) until one friend said to me she really admired me for not settling. Is it that do you think?

I'm not sure if they do settle, looking at my friends the ones that are in long term good relationships are the ones who assumed that when they started seeing someone it would become a proper relationship and assuming it somehow seemed to make it happen. They don't seem to go through the angst of "What does he want from me? Is he going to call? Does he like me?" etc etc they just take it as given that if a man dates them it will lead to a relationship

So maybe it's a case of me being a little bit paranoid and overanalysing everything coupled with me being attracted to the wrong sort of men...

ah the post sex glow, feel that oxytocin (or whatever it is) spreading through your body, neutralising all rational thought.
If only I could block it, stop it spreading above waist level
(am now on the look out for 'interesting' bits of profile to post on here )

I think singing at the top of your voice is an attribute to flaunt, Zany!

I have just come back from disastrous haircut that I really don't want anyone to see. I bet this guarantees an imminent date offer...

freak - but if they are long term relationships... how long term? if it was a case of them getting together early 20's no children, then i think yeah, that kind of explains it. Tbh thats how it tends to work ( or happens more frequently) When you get a bit older and have baggage - and they have baggage, and maybe you know more what you will and wont tolerate, it becomes a bit more difficult?

My brother in law calls my DC's my baggage, in a joking way but I do think that the number of guys who don't think its a problem to date a woman with children is very small. If a potential date see's my DC's in that way then it's non starter from the beginning.

Puppy It would be an attribute to flaunt if I was any good at it, the neighbours probably thought I was strangling a cat

I have just come back from disastrous haircut that I really don't want anyone to see. I bet this guarantees an imminent date offer...

...and right on cue, I have just been invited to participate in Nice Man's work project. Ha ha.