''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

do i win some sort of prize for internet oddity?

is it an ornamental egg?!

I think thats a wise decision poppa onwards! upwards!

Someone told me I was 'high maintenance'. We only had 2 dates but I argued with him about politics and never saw him again. We did talk a while later and that's when he said we had a spark but I was 'high maintenance'. Tory loving creep!

@ adamschic, high maintenance hahaha.
FFS!
a woman with an intellect is too much work for him?
does he want some compliant childlike woman who will automatically defer to him because he's a man

You just described my ex there itsalladirtylie that is exactly what he wanted.

let me guess, incapable of constructing a rational argument to support his beliefs he raises his voice and get's annoyed so that you back down...

He didn't have the vocabulary, I could run rings round him without intending to. It didn't even have to be a rational argument, just a simple discussion would see him with steam coming out of his ears, then he would go into a rage, shout, swear, push me about then leave the house for a few hours, come home when he felt like it and not speak to me for days, sometimes weeks, six weeks being the longest. Nothing was ever resolved in that relationship because no 'discussion' was ever returned to.

When I first started seeing him he did actually say to me that he was looking for a woman who 'wasn't plumb', someone who would just do what he wanted them to do and let him get on with what he wanted to do with no questions asked. See, from the very off he was telling me who he was but I didn't listen!!!! I just thought he had a warped sense of humour

urgh. forgive me for this post.
but i am fucked off and upset

fucking tent pants boy text me some waffle about suddenly realising after meeting me that he isnt ready for a relationship and hes freaked himself out and other such bullshit. Does he think i have no brains? seriously, its a fucking insult to my intelligence to think i would believe that.

So im fucked off and am upset

he didnt have to LIE to me and say he wanted other things, i wasnt the one saying that, it was all him. i dont understand why... but clearly it was just a ploy to try and guarantee sex.

which makes me fucking angry, especially when he said his profile was hinting heavily at the casual sex and i messaged him.. none of that bullshit was necessary.

Its the lies, and now feeling like a mug for believing him which makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. Not because of the sex, but because he fucking lied. He lied to get what he wanted and then he lied afterwards. fucker.

obviously i called him on it and said it was a load of bollocks.

but i just feel like ive been made a fool out of for thinking that actually someone might have liked me, you know.

Hey watch don't beat yourself up over a guy who doesn't know what he wants. He probably thought he wanted casual sex, liked you enough/wanted a shag enough to say more then panicked and retracted it. He may have genuinely felt it at the time and not be lying. It is his problem not yours.

Thanks for your advice about VNM and our hobbies. We both do them to an international level, and run several organisations each! Neither of us have time for taking on another sport. But as we get on so well and enjoy spending time together the solution will probably be to have some time teaching each other at a beginner's level, or doing something else altogether (apart from sex that is!)

It isn't a problem that is causing friction, just needs thought. And neither of us could give up our sport, it defines who we both are!

snail - on the contrary, you had doubts before you met him, chose to sleep with him and wasn't certain if you were that bothered afterwards - so you haven't been made a fool out of! you saw the bullshit from the start, got a little distracted by the tent-pant, had some hopefully very good sex and are now moving on.

don't waste another second thinking about it. I know who the fool is here and it certainly isn't you.

little - it is my fault when i believed it. im an idiot for believing it.

I've told this story here before I think.....

I met someone online once that I messaged, spoke to, and texted (sometimes hundreds of messages a day) for MONTHS. We had a serious connection, and met for a dirty night away after all this time... which was fabulous, by the way.

Afterwards, apart from the train on the way back, he NEVER contacted me again.

I felt like you, watch - I was really hurt. Not because he clearly didn't want to see me again, but because he went to all that effort, JUST to get his leg over. Now if he'd have said that was all it was, I would have been fine with it! Absolutely fine. But he didn't. He woo-ed me, romanticised everything and I felt like an utter twat for believing it.

I think it was more that I felt insulted because he obviously thought that I couldn't handle the truth. That I was a silly little girl that would need to be flattered and deceived to get a shag out of me Which is so far from the truth that it's ridiculous.

It still pisses me off - that he couldn't just have been honest.

But they rarely are, you know.....

Sorry for you mate, really I am.

Watch - Course you believed it. Players like him, they convince themselves they mean all the pish they come out with...they are very believable. All you can do from situations like this, is learn from it. Dont get yourself upset over it.

I agree with snape watch, you haven't been made a fool of, you were in control every step of the way, I can't help but wonder if his little speech was a way of getting in there before you did. Maybe he picked up on you not being that interested so back tracked on what he originally said because he didn't want to look a fool. Perhaps he did mean what he said at the time of saying it. Just a thought.

Anyway, we've all seen his cock!! ha ha ha ha!

thats exacally how i feel. im so fucked off at being lied to. its unreal. it just brings back feelings of being decieved from my marriage. it does not take me to a nice place at all, just re hashes everything up.

its not even him that im upset about, its myself for fucking believing such bullshit, and that i should know better, you know, know better to believe what people say is the truth.

no, im just rubbish.
i thought it couldnt have been bullshit, because we started talking on a more, only being interested in something casual basis... so, being that was on the table to start with, then there was no need for that shit. and i fucking fell for it.
more fool me.

hes just text me that hes sorry and that wasnt the case at all and its not like he doesnt want to see me again, he just thought he should be honest...

i replied and said that being honest im not sure he is my type and i wasnt interested in a relationship with him anyway so not to flatter himself.

:)

fuck it. not having him thinking im all upset because of that, he will think its because of him, not because of the lies, probably not clever enough to work out the difference.

fuck, men are cocks arent they.

Watch don't feel like a fool/idiot, he WAS very believable, it's easy to do. Classic player behaviour though, starting with the ideas and ideals and promises of a dirty weekend away and ending up at yours. Look at point number 5 (I think) in the urban dictionary under 'player' - it's all him.

Utter knob he is - bet you ten million quid he isn't seperated from that 'ex' gf either. But he was full of plausible stories... that's what they do.

So stupid because he didn't NEED to bother with any of that crap, he could have just been upfront and you'd have been fine with it. Bet he is so experienced at spinning his lines though that he can't help himself but say them, and can't quite compute that he might have met someone he didn't NEED to spin lines on. Twat. Twat. Twat. All HIM the twat, Watch, not you.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=player

Useful stuff in the descriptions there

Been there too watch and I do know what you mean. With twat head I actually would have been totally fine with a fwb type thing. It was him that started with the whole relationship thing, promising this that and the other, making me think HE wanted more. The reality was he was screwing three other lassies...at the same time as me. Urgh. And like you, initially it was me I was so disappointed in. For being such a fool. But it's not me...or you. It's really them, knowing the right cards to play.

It's typical player behaviour to then try and backtrack and make excuses. Try to stay 'friends'. In my unfortunate experience. You are quite right to tell him where to go. Hopefully soon you will stop being hard on yourself, you aren't a fool. You would only be a fool if you were to let him try get back in your pants which he will probably do at some point.

You also can't let this put you off dating. It's a tricky business and you are always going to be open to hurt and upset in some form.

watch, he's definitely out of line... he unnecessarily over complicated things and wasn't up front with you. I know it's part of your thing to be tough as nails and not let guys get under your skin, but a lot of your posts on these threads have shown you to be a caring and understanding person and wise beyond your years, for example just tonight you asked if I was ok after cutting the quiet one loose. You're ok.

I do have to say though watch, I can't believe you had him back to your house after the lecture good advice you gave me on being picked up outside my house on a first date!!!

Don't let him get to you and don't let this experience get you down. Are you going for a coffee date with that other guy?

Thanks all. I know its him..... But I just feel stupid, which is upsetting.me.
Urgh... Have ordered a takeaway and will drink wine, watch love actually, feel Like shit, cry abit for 24hrs then get overmyself :)

Lubey, yep, that sounds about right.... Which makes me feel worse, because its so predictable. And I doubt he is single either.

Time, I'm good at lectures, less good at taking my own advice :)

Poppa, thank you :)

Said yes to the date with the other one, then that really is it for this year.

Love Actually is one of my three standard movies to watch when feeling decidedly "meh". Love Actually reminds me there is hope even in totally unlikely situations, Notting Hill reminds me that some women are just bitches who have no idea what damage they do while playing their princess games and that masturbating Welsh room-mates can be strangely cool, and Still Crazy reminds me there's always hope for the wannabe rock star within!

I downloaded all three of the Tim Allen Santa Clause movies to watch this weekend to get me into a christmassy mood. I bought a really crappy, tacky, cheap fibre-optic christmas tree the other day so I'd have at least one christmas decoration in the house. I assembled it and plugged it in and Kierah, my 2 1/2 year old GD proclaimed "christmas boodifool Poppa". I'm trying to help her develop into a balanced individual though, so we spent some time the other day with my plastic Harry Potter wand and she's so cute when she points it and say "Avada kedavra"! :)

Love actually and nottinghill. Two of my favourite films.

I can't watch nottiing hill anymore. Meh. It was my husbands and mine film. Got married to that bloody ronan keeting song ( clearly lost all taste when I was with him)
Impossible to watch/ listen to either.

Might go for kill bill or something now instead. Or walking dead :)