Boyfriend treating me with complete contempt - god, I just need a place to yell.

[Rosmarin]

Been having a few bumps - long distance relationship, together just about 2 years.

Had a little disagreement the other day and long story short, had just had a big chat about giving each other a bigger margin of understanding for snappyness/stress because we're both just starting out in really stressful situations - so next day sent him a normal and friendly message in order not to dwell on any negativity.

Fast forward four days and he hasn't been in contact. I call him a to check that he's okay and hasn't had some sort of accident (very out of character, the silence) and I get an email (no response to calls) saying, bluntly, 'We need to talk. Maybe tomorrow. I'm not happy'. I call him as I feel like it's just unkind to be made to wait for 24 hours for him to presumably end it, but he doesn't respond to any calls, not even call or text to follow up missed calls as would normally do.

Then today he eventually sent me an email with some poor excuse about having missed my calls and that he wanted to speak tonight. The terrible irony is that he's not bothered to buy credit ever for a cheap long-distance call programme so it's presumably me who he expects to do the calling. When it suits him. So he can break it off.

I'm feeling livid and rather terrified. Before our last conversation we were as normal, loving, talking about Christmas and gooey things and in the course of a day or two he seems to hate me. He's treating me with zero respect and what seems to be huge contempt. What the heck? How can you possibly respond to this behaviour while maintaining dignity and not crumbling?

This is a bit of an 'end of the thread' message, but that doesn't mean I won't come back. It's really nice to have this resource to come back to in lonely, scary moments. But:

I really wanted to thank all of you who'd stuck around on my thread, from the first horrible bits where he was being a complete jerk, to the bits where I found my feet (thanks mostly to your words), to the bit where I got to come back and thank you with a big smile (in RL of course!).

Many of you have given me really good advice and I think it was down to comments such as accepting things will not go back to the way they were before, things like he didn't really 'switch', he always had this side of him, and that one of the reasons for all this is that he didn't love me enough to stay with me, respect me, or even ever voice his problems. And of course hearing your experiences and hearing that it does, and will very soon, get better. I might jot down some of your comments for my future self (the reverse of 'what I would tell my 21-year-old-self with what I now know, age 30), because some of them were real gems.

I hope lots of people see this post because Mumsnet can be a bit of a harsh place sometimes, and on some threads women (or men) are press-ganged into rash behaviour, or flamed to a crisp. But this support thread was really fantastic for me and I feel like you all really helped me to bounce back very quickly and 'grab life by the horns'. I'm super social (this is new for me!), I'm positive, I'm enjoying life FOR WHAT IT IS! (which at the beginning of this I didn't think was possible) and I feel really good. I feel youthful and full of energy and possibilities and confidence. I might have a few wobbles, but personally I'm completely shocked (and elated) that I've managed to get to where I am in such a short time.

The funny flip-side of being dumped is that I feel incredibly positive about my future, because I could be with anyone! There are no limitations to my dreams or pursuits now because I have nothing tying me down to a specific country or agenda. I can be completely selfish about my studies and I can use this Year Abroad for ME! It feels GREAT!

Thank you!

Great to see you come out of this so positive!

And remember, something BETTER is on its way for you!!

Ahh Rosmarin - that's fantastic to read! I'm so glad that everything on here has helped you in one way or another, and that you are getting out there and grabbing life by the balls - you will have such a great time! All the things you will be able to do now that you might have thought twice about before - I can't tell you how good that can be.

One last experience of mine - a couple of years after I split with my ex, I decided I was going to Australia - he had never had any interest in going, but I always had had a feeling for the place, so off I went, a week in Hong Kong (staying with family friends) and then 4 weeks in Australia, at a mixture of friends' places and backpackers hostels. I had an absolute ball, and the best bit, the absoLUTE best bit, was that I didn't have to answer to anyone, or worry about their enjoyment of it at any stage. And when I had to change one internal travel arrangement, because of a bunged up ear, it was no drama. The freedom of that holiday dispelled pretty much every lingering regret I had - it was fabulous.

Come back and rant any time you need to if you have bleak days - you might - but enjoy yourself lovely, you deserve it.