how can I reign him in?

[KlickKlackknobsac]

My dh is a nightmare.
If he has money it just slips through his fingers.
I have worked full time for last 9 years despite having 3dc. I pay mortgage, utility bills, food bills, SKY bill, dental costs, all clothes for kids etc etc.
If DH has money he buys a house or invests it- would rather do that than put money ion the bank. He is not money focused really- I think the houses are a game of Monopoly to him.

I also pay for holidays. My savings have now disappeared and I am starting to get worried.
18 months ago he took out a £25K loan in my name without my knowledge (I had to sign at last minute of course) fom joint account. Last month he took £570 from my account without asking or telling me. Today we discussed some building work and agreed we should leave it as we can't afford it at the mo- at 3.30pm the concrete lorry turns up!!!
What can I do to sort him out??

Thanks for advice.
Glad some of you have taken me seriously- there are few I can speak to about this- because to most people it sounds unbelievable- plus everyone thinks you MUST be loaded if you have lots of houses etc.
Have about £50K of debt (not including mortgages)
But much more in equity (if sold houses) more like £500K
But that is a big if- and all dh can see...

No I can't either shine really. How many houses? Op you can't just stop his source of income. Why? Because you don't know how upto your eyes in shit you are.

He maybe using that rent for all sorts. Cut it, he may well have a creditor force him into bankruptcy.

All these people telling you to cut ties, don't seem to realise you can't. You have existing accounts/debts/assets with outstanding joint finance, business finance. The banks and creditors aren't gonna let you walk away until it's sorted.

If he is forced into insolvency, they will force the sale of joint assets at bargain prices. You will still be left with your share of the debt.

Do not follow any well meant advice on here. Without seeing a financial advisor and solicitor. If your circs are true. They can at least tell you what is secured on the houses. If he won't.

Oh and as you are both finding out. Equity means fuck all. A house is only worth what someone is willing to pay for it.

Property is now mugs game. Joined the get rich quick scheme too late!

HeresTheScaryThing I have much appreciated your advice. Really 63p until Monday?
bubblegum you are very wise- not a lot I can do in it all- too late.
Hence the original question- I need to reign him in and stick with him- its a joint problem.

You live in a mansion-by the sounds of it-and have numerous property?. Wow thats skint?. Not in my fecking book

secondcoming I can feel a real roasting about to happen. I would love to seel up- but dh not in agreement.
I am not rich- have possible assets as bubblegum so eloquently states- that is meaningless.
Have far less than 63p- owe far more- but not in control of the situation.
How can I reign this in??

sell

You need to speak to a financial advisor, solicitor ASAP. They are the only people who can help.

Assets on paper, losing value by the day. God knows how much debt. That horse of reigning it in had bolted.

You need proper advice on how to clear all your debts as you are on the edge of sinking. With so many houses. You could lose it all. No one here is going to be able to help you.

yes really and my bank is going to bounce a direct debit for my phone and internet on thursday because i haven't got £10 to put in the account.

OK- see where advice is going
Can you imagine taking a dh with whom you have a functioning relationship to a solicitors (cos he has to be there as he has all the facts) to get this sorted. That is relationship destroying stuff. Remember we have got through everything so far. And as a bloke he sees the big picture.
I realise no one may be able to advise- but I would like a less extreme possibility.

I dunno what your are after? Your financial circs are a mess. They are fully entwined. No one can advise you, when you don't know yourself.

Well meaning advice could be totally disastrous for you. You need to go yourself to a solicitor if he won't go.

Or did you just want to moan about him?

Having a dad exactly like your dp, I do have a very small amount of sympathy. You need to stop this now, get some legal advice, and stop thinking that the worst thing that could happen to you is your husband calling you controlling. Get some legal advice and start protecting whatever you can protect. How can you rein him in? You probably can't, but there may be ways you can restrict the damage. By the way, I hope that you will stay together if you can, but don't expect him to change in his attitude to money. My dad is 80 and has been exactly the same all his life.

scary I am not one to give you financial advice (clearly) but is there no one you can borrow from, or anyone who owes you money? Or something you can pawn tomorrow- you can buy things back within a certain time period you know. Or use a cheque shop?? I am quite sensible, but have witnessed many creative financial decisions made by my dh!! You need phone and internet surely. Plus you could cancel direct debit before it bounces and tell phone company you made have a query (looks better than a bounce).

You ARE being advised how to rein him in.
You take control of the finances.
And you stop signing things, even if he spins you a sob story about the 63 other people it will affect.

Thanks so much joan I see the sense in damage limitation. I can do that. If he was in a room with you, he would convince you all of the sense in his 'business'- he is superconfident and actually very very believable. And I am sure his take on what I have described would be very different.

HeresTheScary, love I feel for you. I really do. A tenner is a lot of money if you haven't got it.

been there, thanks to the X.

Klickklack may have been naive, but who here has never been guilty of that? if there is not enough money to meet commitments, it doesn't make any difference whether it's down to the last £10 or to the last £1000, it's about relative payments.

thing is, even if it meant losing everything, Klickklack would get less assistance from the Govt than someone on less money. Even if homeless is homeless when it gets down to it.

FWIW when it comes to 500k of equity, I live in the south east. a 3 bedroom home in the right village could go for that. My mum bought her house for less than £50k, but she'd be now looking at 10x that in value and there is no mortgage. She doesn't have acres, she would if she lived elsewhere though.

Let's stop being dismissive of the OP here, her problem is not related to the actual numbers being discussed here, nor where or how she lives etc. It is all about her H and his treatment of her and her financial situation. She has a valid question and a perfect right to be here.

She only answered with details because I asked if he was OK in other areas, I had valid reasons to do so, but I will be really bloody pissed off if that information is used to beat her over the head with.

If anyone here is unable to feel sympathetic, feel free to hide the thread and move on. There has been a whole lot of shit kicking of late on MN and I am bloody fed up of it. It derails threads where people DO need some advice, input and guidance. We don't have to be in the same circumstances to help each other, all we have to do is try to understand the issue and give our constructive advice.

Katisha yes- I know I am being advised. But its all about what I can change- bottom line- we all seem to be in agreement that I cannot rein him in. I will do all of those things too.
Can't believe I am the only one with an irresponsible dh like this (who would not agree that he is irresponsible). Joan has made me feel a bit better.

herscaryness getting your nickname now. Very X post. I was hoping for some in a similar situation who may be able to advise (but I think they are all out doing bar jobs to make ends meet)

Halloween name OP.. [hgrin]