My son has stolen money from me

[undercoverwizard]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm so upset and I don't know what to do. Yesterday my 8 year old son came home with a remote control helicoptor which he said his friend had lent him. I thought it was a little odd as it was quite an expensive toy but then again him and his mates are always lending each other things.

However, later last night I find a receipt for it and realise it was only bought yesterday. Checking my online bank statement, I notice 2 separate withdrawals for £30 and £20. My bank card is also missing. My son is the only one who knows my pin (don't slate me). He initially denied taking the money but he was out to play all yesterday afternoon and we live a 10 minute walk from the shopping mall. Eventually he admitted it. The helicoptor cost £40 and he also paid £7.50 to have his feet nibbled by those fish (I didn't think they were supposed to do that to children without a parent present)

I am so upset. I have been crying for the last half an hour as I can't believe my own son would do this to me. I have taken away his XBox and banned him from going to the Halloween disco but tbh, I'm at the end of my tether and don't know how to proceed.

Op it's not your fault .
What about you arrange swimming lessons for him ? (I know they can be expensive , but you wouldn't need to go in pool too )

Think it of an investment , or reward if he doesnt steel for 3 months ect ?

Let him make you a timetable , for when to take Meds .....it might make him worry less .

He is, actually, looking at the OP's posting history. He sounds like a very mixed-up kid indeed. Undercoverwizard- I am sorry that I didn't believe you, and for being rude about it.

I think your problems go waaaay beyond the remit of the average mumsnet thread, and think it's a very good idea to get back to the psychologist, and get some solid professional help for yourself through social services, as you do need support. Good luck.

I assume you've never had epilepsy rainbow? It affects my memory quite badly meaning that I forget even things that I do repetitively and need reminding.

Thank you for that LeBooof

Rainbow , depends on seizure type . A grandmal every 6 weeks is bound to be terrifying for a child .

Well, I take that back then and am sorry. Are you going to get some parenting help? It's been suggested lots but you've not said you will.

Any links to useful sites ? .

Am I right in thinking op is too overwhelmed to know where to begin to look for help ?

Where are you op ? , just to gives a starting point , rough area will do

I admit I was offered a parenting course a while back but I had my Judgy pants on and declined as thought that I'm not going to hang around with "those sorts" of parents. Sadly it looks as though I am "that sort" of parent.

Oh the irony

Oh and yes, to answer thr question, I think now may be the time to try a parenting course.

South west

I often stole little bits of money from my mum's purse as a child and when i was in my early teens (I know that's different from 8), I took my mum's cashcard and took some money out.. I can't even remember what I spent it on, but I flatly denied doing it until they threatened to look at the CCTV evidence. My mum also had a condition which meant she could often be ill and I sometimes had to care for her (inc calling ambulance sometimes).

It was, i think, a cry for help and attention as much as anything else. It wasn't malicious and the threat of real action scared me and ashamed me to the point where I never did it again.

Yes, you do need to think about boundaries but you also sound like you are finding it hard to fit any time in for you and your DS. I have been a SP and a full time uni student so i know how hard that is, but maybe you need to factor in some more time for you two together.

Undercover ...no child comes with an instruction book. Parenting classes are a good thing , it sort of gives you an edge iykwim.

And I'd rather be one of "those" parents , those parents who try , in preference to one of the others who don't.

You never know , you might meet a brilliant new friend and you can help each other .

Try youngcarer.com
The princess trust , www.carers.com , or barnados , they all do young carers groups/ support. Need someone to do links , cause I'm rubbish at it .

My eldest GC is 7.7. He is staying here for a few days with his younger brother. [hsmile] His activities this week involve Lego, games, art projects with clay and paint, new books especially a paper airplane one, playing 'hide the baby pumpkin' outside with brother and cousin, playing in the treehouse and woods, and digging a big pothole with his cousin. That is their construction project, complete with sign.

I think this is normal and what one would expect from a little boy that age.

Hanse does your grandchildren act as carers to their parent ? ...children under stress act up a bit.

He has come and apologised to me and we have had a long chat but it's going to be a long time until I trust him again. He goes to a carers youth group on a Tuesday but I've heard of the Princes Trust and think that I may look further into that.

Taking money out of his savings wont do anything as he wont see it dissapear. Why not take him round the street with a bucket and sponge and get him to 'earn' the money back. That way he knows there is a consequence to his actions.

Undercover , it's good he's said sorry . . A small step is still a step in the right direction.

You will trust him again , because he will earn it back.

I think it's better that this has happened now , when hes still at a stage he will listen to you .You have an excellent chance of this just being a blip .
I'd be much more worried about a teenager , who just grunts and switches off .

It sounds to me that apart from the consequences you've already planned, he needs more attention paying to his circumstances and what things are like for him, because his life doesn't sound very easy. The parenting classes sound like a good idea.

It also sounds like he's very anxious if he feels the need to remind you of your medication. For an eight year old that is a very insecure posititon to be in.

I think princes trust is for older kids? Age 16 plus. Look it up tho, I'm prob wrong!

It's times like this I wish I gave him pocket money as then I could stop it because you are right, he won't know the money has gone from his savings. In fact, he doesn't even know about these savings!! At least if he had pocket money to stop then it would be tangible. Chores definitely.

You could sell his mobile. He'll notice that.

Why don't you give him pocket money?

I don't think you should be thinking too hard about punishments given how much leeway you've given him and also how much responsbility is on his shoulders. It's a very mixed message.

He doesn't get pocket money because I buy him what he needs. Also I put £30 a month into his savings act per month, pay £25 per month for kick-boxing and pay £5 a time if he wants to go to footie training. However, judging by this it seems that he doesn't consider it enough. I had been considering starting pocket money after christmas when he turns 9. What sort of age do kids normally have it just out of interest?

Under covered does he do chores a lot anyway ? . It might be that giving him more to do would actually make him feel worse. This is all about him wanting to feel like a child and not a mini adult.

Does he play computer games or watch tv /DVDs ? ...maybe cut the time allowed for this for a few weeks ? .

It's a hard one because he's so young...and you don't want to take all his fun away completely . It's important for his stress relief iykwim ? .

Or you could start giving him pocket money , but not give him the full amount until the £50 is paid back ..I know money will be tight for you (former single parent myself ) . Perhaps £1 a week with 50 p taken off for his debt ?.