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Original poster

My son has stolen money from me

242 replies

undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 13:41

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm so upset and I don't know what to do. Yesterday my 8 year old son came home with a remote control helicoptor which he said his friend had lent him. I thought it was a little odd as it was quite an expensive toy but then again him and his mates are always lending each other things.

However, later last night I find a receipt for it and realise it was only bought yesterday. Checking my online bank statement, I notice 2 separate withdrawals for £30 and £20. My bank card is also missing. My son is the only one who knows my pin (don't slate me). He initially denied taking the money but he was out to play all yesterday afternoon and we live a 10 minute walk from the shopping mall. Eventually he admitted it. The helicoptor cost £40 and he also paid £7.50 to have his feet nibbled by those fish (I didn't think they were supposed to do that to children without a parent present)

I am so upset. I have been crying for the last half an hour as I can't believe my own son would do this to me. I have taken away his XBox and banned him from going to the Halloween disco but tbh, I'm at the end of my tether and don't know how to proceed.

OP posts:
LeBOOOf · 16/10/2011 15:00

What consequences are there when he runs away? It sounds like he just comes and goes as he pleases- he must have got the idea a while ago that this is acceptable. It's not.

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 15:01

Are you sure it was him who got the money out? Dd is 8 and would have to stand on tip toes to read the screen properly.

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 15:02

I try to punish him by taking away his XBox but then he just gets bored and runs off, it's like a vicious circle. I think the lock will be a good idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 15:03

I'm a single parent, the card was found in his room, my DS is 4 foot 8 so has no problem seeing the screen!! Plus he admitted it!!

OP posts:
HerScaryness · 16/10/2011 15:04

WTF is an 8yo doing with a mobile?

You can't parent by text message/voicemail love! FGS, this CHILD is running riot and you only NOW think you've been a bit lax? Shock

Sorry to be harsh, but if he's like this when still in junior school what do you think is going to happen when hormones kick in?

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 15:05

Undercoverwizard, it's not normal to have to lock a front door to stop an 8 year old escaping. How is he at school, I know you said he got star of the week but how is he normally?

thunderboltsandlightning · 16/10/2011 15:05

"He has no idea about how debit cards relate to bank accounts though and think you just hand them over and that's it (if only!!)"

Well there you go then. He's not even aware that he's stealing. He's just copying you taking money out of the cash machine and then buying something. He's not aware of how money works.

So you crying for half an hour about him "doing this to you", was an overreaction. He didn't do anything to you, he's just very young and doesn't have impulse control yet, which you have to help him with. Like not letting him run around the streets on his own.

LeBOOOf · 16/10/2011 15:06

You sound like you've got zero authority with him- at that age, removing the xbox shouldn't be necessary: he should want your good approval, and be upset to lose it. I agree that a parenting course sounds a very good idea.

Eight year olds wandering round shopping malls and milling around town unsupervised are an ASBO waiting to happen.

izzywhizzysfritenite · 16/10/2011 15:07

If you consider that this is out of character, you are going to need know who he's been associating with when he's been out of your sight.

The fact he isn't showing any genuine remorse is worrying; it's also likely that he's learned from this not to bring his 'loot' back home with him.

As IB has said, if he's in with 'the wrong crowd' shoplifting may rear it's ugly head.

I'm afraid you're going to have to severely curtail his freedom and you should make it clear that he only gets his X-box back if/when he has demonstrated to your satisfaction that he can be trusted.

You've told him he won't be going to the Halloween disco - don't relent and if he kicks up a fuss nearer the time, tell him that you'll let the school know why he won't be attending if he persists.

Have you discussed this incident with his df?

HerScaryness · 16/10/2011 15:07

You need to BUST him back down to being a child. No mobile, no X-box, no going out as and when he pleases.

He needs to EARN this stuff back. The money for the helicopter comes out of his savings.

I'd be inclined to Ebay the Helicopter, his mobile, his x-box and every other high ticket item he has acquired and HE then can spend HIS money replacing ALL of it.

You have spoilt him, this will end badly unless you sort his out NOW.

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 15:07

Most of his friends have mobiles, I thought it was normal.

OP posts:
carriedababi · 16/10/2011 15:07

fancy an 8 year old going to get his feet nibbled

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 16/10/2011 15:08

Blimey op, I think you need professional help tbh, very shocking behaviour for a kid of that age and by the sounds of it, you don't know what to do.

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 15:10

I will not be discussing this with his father. All I will get from him will be a sneery lecture from a man who can't be bothered to see his son when he's in the city for a stag weekend.

OP posts:
PootlePosyPumpkin · 16/10/2011 15:10

Jesus Christ. Your 8 year old is out all afternoon & that's OK? I'd have called the Police to report him missing! Sounds like he's used to having an unsafe level of freedom - 8 really isn't very old at all, whether he is tall for his age or not.

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 15:11

It's not normal and not necessary. An 8 year old has no need of a phone as they should never be in a siutuation where they would need to use it imo. You are putting him at huge risk.

shshiney · 16/10/2011 15:11

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HerScaryness · 16/10/2011 15:11

Children having mobiles is normal at Secondary School.

I know an 8yo around here that has one, he walks around showing it to everyone as he thinks it make him look cool and he knows no-one else has one. "Look at me, I'm 8 and I have a mobile" I'm not making that up either!

I know that his parents let him out on his own all the time and can't appear to be bothered with him. He's the last to leave the playground, when all the other kids are home and doing bedtime, he's out playing near my house.

Yes I judge.

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 15:12

I would contact your health centre tomorrow and ask about getting on a parenting course. It's not too late but you need to change.

LeBOOOf · 16/10/2011 15:13

Broken Britain blahblahblahsnore.

PootlePosyPumpkin · 16/10/2011 15:14

HerScaryness - do you live near the OP perhaps?

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 15:16

I think I've known for a while (don't slate me) that maybe he had too much freedom and hearing everyone on here confirming it has made me realise that he definitely won't be getting that level of freedom back. I'm glad that uni is nearly over as I am not planning on getting a full time job so I will have much more time to spend with him.

OP posts:
LeBOOOf · 16/10/2011 15:17

Nice touch.

shshiney · 16/10/2011 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 15:19

Are posters laughing at me now?

OP posts: