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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My son has stolen money from me

242 replies

undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 13:41

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm so upset and I don't know what to do. Yesterday my 8 year old son came home with a remote control helicoptor which he said his friend had lent him. I thought it was a little odd as it was quite an expensive toy but then again him and his mates are always lending each other things.

However, later last night I find a receipt for it and realise it was only bought yesterday. Checking my online bank statement, I notice 2 separate withdrawals for £30 and £20. My bank card is also missing. My son is the only one who knows my pin (don't slate me). He initially denied taking the money but he was out to play all yesterday afternoon and we live a 10 minute walk from the shopping mall. Eventually he admitted it. The helicoptor cost £40 and he also paid £7.50 to have his feet nibbled by those fish (I didn't think they were supposed to do that to children without a parent present)

I am so upset. I have been crying for the last half an hour as I can't believe my own son would do this to me. I have taken away his XBox and banned him from going to the Halloween disco but tbh, I'm at the end of my tether and don't know how to proceed.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 14:11

Don't say this is based on some tv programme and everyone gets it apart from me. Hate those type of threads as I always get sucked in.

HerScaryness · 16/10/2011 14:11

Put the helicopter on Ebay. TODAY.

Get yourself down to the fish place and demand your money back or you will complain to the shopping centre management/Trading Standards.

Get a new back card/change your pin.

Your DS doesn't go out on his own until he attends Secondary school. You do this now, you will potentially save yourself the police visits, ASBOS later.

GalaxyWeaver · 16/10/2011 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClaimedByMe · 16/10/2011 14:14

I cant think of anything helpful, this is either untrue if not i really feel for your ds and hes doing it to get attention, seems like hes grown up too soon!

thunderboltsandlightning · 16/10/2011 14:14

Why does your son have your pin number? Have you taught him to use the cash machine.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 16/10/2011 14:15

Well yes, I was wondering whether it should have said 18, until I saw that he got Star of the Week! Grin

Look, OP, I am not the only one to think your son has far too much freedom for an 8 year old child. I would be keeping him close to me if I were you, have his friends round to play at your house and vice versa, if he plays out he doesn't go further than the end of the road. That's actually quite usual for a child his age. If he is physically closer to you, you will have more influence over his behaviour, and just, well more influence over the development of his morals.

I live in a city and there are parts of it that is very gang orientated. It has been known for 8 year olds to get recruited as very junior members of these gangs, and as such under the influence of some VERY dubious older characters. You may not live in a city but if he is hanging round shopping malls he will be bumping into teenagers who will be WAY ahead of where he is in terms of behaviour.

It sounds very worrying. Sad

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 14:16

Lol at star of the week and age thing! Grin

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 16/10/2011 14:16

Firstly dont panic.

This stuff happens and it doesnt mean you DS is evil and will end up in prison.

It is very very upsetting but try and see it as an opportunity to tackle stealing.

There must be consequences, he must not be allowed your pin number (sorry but come on!).

Dont rant on about it (however tempting). Be firm and clear and issue strong warnings about what will happen if he ever steals again and be prepared to follow through.

FabbyChic · 16/10/2011 14:17

Ive two kids who never stole a penny from me. It is not normal to steal from parents, sorry it isn't.

thefirstMrsDeVeerie · 16/10/2011 14:26

YOu could have had one more who did.

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 14:27

I just can't get my head around it, I know it seems unreal. My mum has been down to the fish place to complain and is currently waiting for the manager to call her back.

I know I have been letting him have too much freedom so that is going to change. I did genuinely think he was at the park though as I was calling him every 30 mins (town is a 10 min walk away). My Dad is coming over to fit a dead lock for me so he can't get out anymore as his usual trick is to wait til I'm in the bathroom and do a runner.

This has certainly taught me a lesson Sad

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 14:29

Blimey. Still shocked at his behaviour - he does runners????
Glad to see you are going to reign him in. You need to actually know where he is by sight and know he is only at the end of the road maxiumum(if you really dont mind him playing out).

thunderboltsandlightning · 16/10/2011 14:32

I'd still like to know how he knows how to use a cashpoint machine.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 16/10/2011 14:33

Calling him? You mean, like, on a mobile phone?

He is running away out of the house without telling you where is he going? Shock

That sounds quite extreme behaviour. If you are committed to sorting it out now, it is not too late. Sounds like you've got your parents on board too which is good.

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 14:34

Yes, that's true. How would an 8 year old be competently able to use a cashpoint? Dont believe this thread anymore.

thunderboltsandlightning · 16/10/2011 14:37

I believe it. I'd just like to know who showed him how to use a cashpoint and why.

izzywhizzysfritenite · 16/10/2011 14:44

You're going to have to wear the key round your neck otherwise he'll help himself to that too - and, if you haven't done so already, fit window locks.

Has he shown any remorse for his actions?

He may have got star of the week at school but it seems he's got scant respect for you. Do you have concerns about his behaviour when he's at home?

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 14:49

This thread is genuine, I don't know why anyone would think I would make it up. Luckily we live on the 2nd floor in a flat so no risk of him climbing out the windows. To be honest, at the moment I think he's more sorry that he got caught and is angry that his XBox has been taken away.

At home his behaviour varies between good 70% of the time I'd say and then he can be naughty (but just usual 8 year old stuff) the rest of the time. This is very out of character for him.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 14:52

I think, in the nicest possible way, that you yourself may have what is "normal" for an 8 year old a little blurred. That's the reason I am finding it hard to believe as his freedom and behaviour is so far removed from my own dc.

thunderboltsandlightning · 16/10/2011 14:54

Is there a reason why your'e not answering the cashpoint question UC. Why would your eight year old have your PIN number and be able to use a cashpoint?

It's quite possible given the fact he's only eight that he's not that clear that he's taken money from you. Cashpoints make it look like money just comes out of a hole in the wall.

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 14:55

Yes, that's true. Sometimes if I have said to dd I have no money for something she will suggest I get some out of the cash point.

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 14:57

I think that I have been letting him get away with too much for too long. I am worried about what is going to happen in the future. I wonder if I haven't been paying him enough attention lately as I have been very busy with university? I finish my course in 4 weeks and will be qualified so maybe that will help.

OP posts:
LesserOfTwoWeevils · 16/10/2011 14:58

"his usual trick is to wait til I'm in the bathroom and do a runner."
"he can be naughty (but just usual 8 year old stuff)"
"Usual"? How long has that been going on? How have you been dealing with it and why is it still happening?
That's not "usual eight-year-old" stuff at all.

rainbowinthesky · 16/10/2011 14:59

I dont want to sound insulting but it may be worth going on a parenting course.

Original poster
undercoverwizard · 16/10/2011 14:59

As for the Cash Mashine, he has a tendancy to hover right next to me when I use it so knows exactly how to use the machine and my pin. He has no idea about how debit cards relate to bank accounts though and think you just hand them over and that's it (if only!!)

OP posts: