The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Devilish Demon Drink Into Touch This Hallowe'en!. Mwahahahaha!

[Mwahahahahahahahouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse, well normally! [hgrin]

Welcome to the Bus. We are a mixed bunch of Babes, some of us drink, some of us don't and some of us are trying to find out the best way to cut down or stop completely.

There is plenty of room on the Bus for everyone so, come say hi. [hsmile]

And, if you'd like to see what brought us all here, you can read all of the past threads, including the original one by JWN RIGHT HERE

DOTV things have got very bad for you

I am so sorry that it has come to this.

Now you have a choice to make. Get your life back, or give it over to alcohol.

How much worse does it need to get for you?

How much do you want your dd in your life.

If you make a commitment to not drink for just one day, we can help you through that day. Hour by hour, minute by minute. You need to plan your NOT drinking as with as much effort as you planned to buy, hide and drink the wine day in, day out. We can help you do that.

No one here will judge you or blame you. We will support you.

Have you made the appointment to see your GP? Have you decided whether you want to try AA?

Keep posting, and don't give up hope.

evening. nodding along to what everyone else has said to you dotv. it's make or break time really isn't it? this can be your rock bottom and you can get serious and do everything and anything you can to sort yourself out, take every bit of help on offer and humbly face that you cannot go on like this and need help or you can keep going, let all of this awful stuff be a reason to just feel sorry for yourself and drown your sorrows (and any hope of getting your life back) in a bottle.

you need professional help imo - of all sorts and you need to grasp it.

day one is still day one thank goodness. have gotten through the day, now for the evening. have eaten two meals, had an afternoon nap, taken a long walk with the dog and faced other human beings at an after school play club. now just need to make it through the evening and to bed without giving in to having a drink. trying to let myself feel whatever i feel without adding commentary/criticism/analysis/etc etc today. bound to be a bit to come out that i've been stuffing down with alcohol for the last week or two.

Good plan Saf. Lots of us not drinking today so we can keep each other company. How is your ds settling into school, btw, been meaning to ask you.

Mouse hope you're ok lovely.

Isinde you too

And anyone else who knows me

Evening all,

Just a quick check in,

Hello DOTV, welcome, I can't add much to what others have said, but please feel that you can come on here and post, whether drinking, or not. It's hard to stop, but not as hard as that self loathing and anguish that comes with keeping on. Only you will know when you really want to put the lid on it, but we can help.

Pretty bad day here, always the way, after worrying all night, and doing the old self fulfilling prophesy bit!, I went swimming at 6.30!! this morning, and so felt much better to start the day, came home from work, and studied like a demon all afternoon, but, my crikey, am I knackered tired now.

Sending my love to all
xxx

thanks faire. he's settled in really well - he's a really sociable boy so no problems finding friends and getting on with people and he's very able learning wise so no real concerns. it's been really smooth so far and his teacher and TA seem lovely.

about to pour myself a long elderflower and tonic then it'll be cammomile tea for the rest of the night i think.

thurso sounds like a very productive day - hopefully you will sleep really well tonight and not have the time or energy for worrying

hope everyone else is doing ok? where's msgee hiding? quite a few of us day 1 - well done everyone and keep going. we're nearly there!

hi all, just checking in. thanks for all your comments re both dress and boss.
Dress will be worn tomorrow night - looking forward to a nice night after a pretty shitty week. Family bereavement today to add to things. Not very close family but a loss nonetheless.
Still drinking, but a lot less.

I'm here

Thanks faire xx

DOTV - if you are ready, truly 'I never ever want to drink another drop' ready, totally. utterly done with drinking then there is a whole world of help out there.

Take it. Ask for it. Reach for it and never let go.

You can do it, you can be free of the hangovers, the fights, the struggles, the shame and the illness that constant drinking brings in it's many forms. BUT - you have to want to with every single fibre of your being.

If you want it, then do it.

MsGee - thinking about you today xx

thurso - hope you are getting there, wherever 'there' needs to be. xx

venus - you too, missed you of late. xx

Silver - hey you, I love logging on to see you've posted..... how are things? Really? xxx

Ma - bloody genius re the dress! Fantastic thinking. I bet you'll look fanbloodytastic in the dress, what with your great norkage on board! xx

Right, a VERY early night in this house, we are all really shattered to say the least.

Another busy day so be back later tomorrow.

Stay safe, stay warm and stay YOU! night Babes xxxx

isindie normally to anyone waiting for test results I'd support them in NOT worrying, I'd tell them that worry is pointless, that it only serves to create the emotional response to something that may never happen. but..... for you, sweetheart, I'd ask what that worry is telling you. It's bit like playing the film through to the end. A bit of your worry is because you know that you can fool your friends, your lover, maybe even fool yourself, but you can't fool your liver.

Forget about last night, that is in the past. But for tonight you have a choice. medicate your worry with a drink, or use your worry to recognise that something ought to change. Early stage liver damage can be repaired by not drinking. But carry on , and that choice won't remain for ever. There are people who love you and need you isindie. Go on, use that worry to a positive purpose. Walk in there in 2 weeks time knowing that you've been alcohol free. Your liver will thank you x

Hi

Drinking tonight. Just having one glass though, just finished pottering in office. Nice to work and enjoy it without the stress.

Back later x

venus you have a knack of putting into words what I am thinking, so can I please just echo your thoughts to Isinde. Two weeks without a drink will give your liver a good break whether it needs it or not.

It is tought when you're with really good friends, who are drinkers. Friends you probably made when you were a drinker and you don't want to have to give them up. Not sure how to handle that situation myself, so no advice to give, just empathising.

Well, Day 3 done and dusted. It's bedtime. Sleep well. Tomorrow will be another sober day for me if anyone cares to join me x

morning babes

feeling glad i didn't drink yesterday despite the fact i've woken up feeling like crap and with a sore back

today i won't be drinking.

Morning all,

Horrid and wet here, but warm too, yuck!

*Mouse .

Indie I hope you feel better today. Onward and upward, my friend. xx

Venus Sending you and DD love.

Waf Poor you, bad backs are awful, when you've got one, everything seems to instinctively drop to the floor!!!

Has anyone heard from Notevenamousie? I am getting a bit worried that she hasn't posted. Are you on holiday Noteven?.

Ma You rock them tonight Babe .

Have good days all.
Much love
xxx

thanks - it's just a twinge - probably slept weird.

wet and muggy yukness here too - kind of weather if you wrap up warm you end up sweaty and horrible from walking. god love english weather.

I'm wrapping in layers today as we're taking the class on a school trip to an indoors/outdoors museum so it'll be coats on/coats off all day. But it will be fun .

Here's to another sober Thursday. Hope you find something to brighten your day today Babes. See you later x

:9 anahged to get to 9 o clock (evening!) had a glass of wine at the theatre and then came home and tanked the best part of a bottle. whhhhhhhhy? :( feel really really tired this morning and cross at shooting myself in the liver. :(

and clearly lousy hangover typing. :(

Morning Babes

Snape - Day 1, okay? You can't change what happened last night, but you can learn from it. You drank for two reasons - 1) you could and 2) you wanted to.

No biggy. Just remember how you feel today if you fancy a drink later. Be gentle with yourself today, this is harder than you could ever have imagined xx

Venus - how is DD now? And how are YOU? xx

Off to Stay N Play in a mo so will be back later. Nemo has his second round of Flu jabs later and DH is giving blood. Luckily, he's stopped the boozing otherwise he'd be donating a pint of the very finest Cab Sav!

Bye for now Babes xx

I managed to stay off the bottle yesterday. Saw my GP who has recommended AA and also counselling. He also booked me in for bloods as the amount I am - was - consuming could have caused me serious liver damage - so waiting for the results of those.

DH has taken some of his things and moved out. He took yesterday afternoon off from work; spoke to his parents and managed to find a two bed flat around the corner from his parents home, he gets the keys on Monday and will be staying with DD at his parents until then.

His parents came with him the second time he came to help him collect his things - MIL asked me to forgive his actions - turns out he told them that he beat me but didnt tell them why. She asked if i was going to be pressing charges and told me she wouldnt blame me if i did. FIL told me how ashamed he was of his sons actions

She kept asking why it was all going on and the fact that DD has gone with him makes no sense to them. I'm very good at hiding my boozing, able to cook great meals etc whilst glugging it back so as far as they are concerned everything seemed rosey. Kept wondering how they would have felt to hear the truth and how i nearly killed their grandson...

DH has said to me that he doesnt want his parents to know as word will get round too quickly and its not fair on DD - He asked me what I want to do about the house; hes taken the car as he said he couldnt live with himself if i ended up killing someone. He also offered me 480 a month - seems like he has given this a lot of thought - said thats what he could afford to give me - but only directly towards bills or payments not for anything else (guess he means the booze).

I'm so determined not to carry on this way; i really want to thank you all for yesterday. There was no one in RL that I could/can turn toand the support on here has been overwhelming.

Thank You.

Second day of lifting this fug from my scrabbled head.

morning everyone x

Had half a glass of red last night.Went up to see NM ,dd1 babysitting.He had cooked a lovely meal,laid the table,nice bottle....I have told him I'm cutting down to normal levels,not stopping altogether,although in my mind I was going to abstain for at least a fortnight -or at least until this Saturday night...he didn't offer me any after I said no on arriving.But he finished the bottle he was on and opened another.Which also got finished.

On the positive side,I ate first,had coffee and chocolate,snuggled up by the fire..all with determination to drink nothing...then we started giggling at something on tv,tickling and fooling about...obviously a big trigger..poured myself a (small pub measure) glass...then sipped v mindfully,halfway down and left the rest.

So,while I haven't managed to achieve what I set out,I did stay sober and in control.No hangover.Full clarity on whole evening.Slept well.Feel as if I drank like someone who can be sensible and isn't bothered that they are sliding down a slippery slope...

My goal:stay off the slope.Stay mindful.

Thanks for this,SaF:

"trying tolet myself feel whatever i feel without adding commentary/criticism/analysis/etc etc today."

me too.
Today I won't be drinking.

N-ishM rang me to say thanks for a lovely evening .
We talked about me having just as much of a good time with only 1 glass.He had counted the empties ,which he knew had to be his,and was surprised at how much he'd had.

We do have great times together - sober ones too.But I have got concerned that drinking plays a big role for both of us.I need to sort myself out and see if his drinking is difficult for me,and how.I know I can't make any changes for him.

There are lots of reasons for taking this slowly.But this is a big one for me.

you sound really sensible and switched on piranha in what you're saying about NM (i even like the way you call him NM because i bet it keeps you mindful and keeping your wits about you). maybe a good sign that he counted the empties and had thought about his drinking unprompted.

one thing i find helps with the letting myself feel rather than attacking it with my head is to look for where i can feel the sensation in my body - sounds weird i know but is it a lump in the throat, or a tension in the chest or an ache in the pit of your stomach - for me there's usually a physical location and then i just focus on that sensation and let it be, or be with it itms.

dotv glad you saw the doc - was he/she concerned about you stopping all at once? well done for not drinking yesterday. your dh sounds lovely and very caring. so big of him not to tell his parents given how they were judging him. i really hope you can turn all this around and prove to him you've changed one day.

DTOV - personally i think the dpil should be told - they sound nice people and you need all the rl support you can get right now.

Kept wondering how they would have felt to hear the truth and how i nearly killed their grandson...

DOTV - no, you didn't. You left him in his crib crying.

I personally don't want to go into this, all too close to home for me in many ways but there is no excuse for your husband to hit you. Ever.

Don't say that 'you'd have hit me too' to excuse his behaviour, please.

You need real, professional help and you need it right now.

From what I have read, it's better that your daughter is with him and his parents right now, until you can remain in control.

What has the GP said about stopping drinking?

Has he told you to stop altogether or gradually or not at all?

Are you on ANY medication at all?

This must be very hard for you, but only YOU can change this and it sounds as though that's what you are trying to do.

I hope that with the correct support and your own determination, you can get through this.

This is no life for any of you, especially your daughter.

I like that idea, SAF. Definitely get the physical sensations. Am currently amazed - and overwhelmed - at how s l o w I have become - almost to the point of inertia - since I started therapy (again) and consciously decided to listen to what I need. I have always been a fast,fast multi-tasker.I just can't do it atm.Virtually can't move during school hours.It seems that letting myself feel has begun to teach me that all the frantic activity has been displacement stuff.I need to catch up on years of rest and reflection.

Trouble is,I won't get paid for staring out of the window.
Another reason I need to learn to switch down a few gears myself without drinking to get there.

DTOV - I agree with SaF and jwn;dh does sound v honourable and the pil's could be v supportive for you all.Strength to you x