Plenty of Fish, yes, but where are the men? Dating chat thread #4

[lubeybooby]

A new one (again)

Dating, internet dating, all kinds of dating.... chat about it here.

Off you go! :o

snape, good news re the doctor. and am v v of your All Saints purchases. I had a look the other day spurred on by your success (and thinking I might soon one day be thin enough to fit into AS stuff) and found nothing nice under £30!

Hi Scaredkitty, any hopefulls on the POF front

Good doctor news Snape - he seems interested

I had a look at Boo hoo website the other day, they have some lovely clothes at quite a good price, just need to wait for pay day.

We'll need a new thread soon Lubey [gein], your mind is possibly on other things right now [hgrin]

hate a lot of the sizing is generous. I'm a 16 at the mo, with my eye on dropping a size, but the sizing is forgiving, especially with the unstructured stuff. I am great awful at buying stuff to slim into though - nothing inspires my weight loss like a fat credit card bill and something that will display bingo wings.

essentially, i want to be joan holloway.

Morning all!

Well I had a really great night and he is a great shag. He was talking about seeing me again in a very boyfriendy way as in "what shall we do at the weekend"

Just one problem though, and it's a biggun. Racism. Two words used that make me rather ill... "coloured" and "p*ki"

I'm not quite sure what to do. Attempt to talk to him about it or just dump. :(

gut reaction is dump and let him know why.

considered reaction is talk to him about it - there is a lot of casual racism around and it exists sometimes because it isn't challenged and people don't know that it is unacceptable. I spose it depends on the context a little as well. 'fucking pki bastards' is worse than someone who has always been brought up to call a local corner shop the 'pki shop' and has never been challenged on it, because 'that's just what we call it' although someone who calls it that 'because thats what we always called it ' comes across as being a bit thick (sorry!)

Good to hear you had a great shag time last night Lubey. I agree with Snale as it really depends on whether he is just using words that have almost become acceptable or whether he is a racist person with racist views. Are you able to talk to him about it?

Yeah, it was casual rather than in anger or whatever. Hmmm... I normally would have said something at the time but it was 3am with the lights off and I was half asleep. Whatever i do anyway I can't just let it go... that isn't me at all.

Gut reaction is to dump as snape said BUT, if you talk to him maybe you can educate him and change his way of thinking/speaking. If he likes you that much he will be sorry that he has offended you and won't want to do it again. BUT again, I suppose it depends on whether he is actually actively racist, iyswim or if he is just slightly ignorant and uses racist terms as a figure of speech. If you get me?

Anyway, I wouldn't like it either and I would have to say something even if I was intending on dumping him.

Glad you had a great time though lubey

He is good in other ways so I think I will give him a chance. I'll talk to him and see what he says. Something tells me he will be one of those people who claim not to be racist because " I have a black mate and he's alright" ... you know the type?

That is my prediction anyway. But he has one chance and will see what he says.

Lubey I'm glad it went well, fingers crossed he does not screw up his one last chance.
Does anyone have a good title for the new thread that will be needed very soon????

Something to do with singing Adele songs to 27 cats?

Zany I love that idea - sadly so apt!

Lubey, He might not be bf material. Mind you I've met lots of people who use this sort of language and don't bat an eyelid. It never occurs to them that some people find it offensive but that doesn't excuse it, and you would think that even though it's normal in their culture an intelligent people might question it.

lubey - glad it went well. I agree with adam, some people dont even question it. They should, but they dont and i expect if you pull him up on it ( which i might do in a very casual way) then he will be horribly embarassed about it. And quite rightly so.

Zany - fab idea.

Snape - glad you are still talking to him.

I had a weird experience last night, I messaged a guy on POF (at work so cannot access for name & shame, but will later), really cute looking, nice eyes. He immediately changed his profile pic and then took all pics offline, I went into chat with him & asked about the photos, he then sent me some by message - he was clearly not the same bloke, similar, at a push they could have been from 20 years ago. But how weird. I instantly blocked him as I was uncomfortable about it, especially as he asked me if I would go to Geneva on a 1st date before we had even messaged...weirder and weirder.
Anyone had anything similar?

wriggly - ew! creepy!

snail text this morning from him to apologise for not continuing conversation last night because he fell asleep. hes like.... a real person! am desperate for a bit of filth tho'. stop being all shy and gentlemanly! :)

so, when you seeing him then?
will there be buying of new pants?
:)

wriggly - weird. but then this is online dating. its all weird.

Speaking of weird, S and i were texting and he wanted to come over at gone 10 last night, i said no, he pushed it then text that he was going to bed to sulk. I asked if he was joking ( as we have been very joking with each other) and no reply and ive not heard anything from him this morning, despite sending one text about an hour ago.
????????
vanisher?
or just sulky man who i should not bother seeing tomorrow now?

no idea! think i'm on a slow burner. Kids grandparents are here next week so I can technically get out of the house. overnight. for a shag drink. Not sure how one would broach the subject... no new pants - what would be the point?

That is weird. I wouldn't push contact - maybe he fell asleep, maybe he's sulking...or busy. If you hear from him then fine, if not you've texted him, ball is in his court.

new pants? its like a law, when you start seeing someone new, you buy new pants.
I thought everyone knew this :) It always gives the game away, someones been to town... you ask them what they have brought, they go bright red and say ' new pants' then you KNOW they are seeing someone. :)
Everytime.

Hmmm, does he have a place in london? you could say something about having babysitters on tap and not having to worry about getting back and maybe making the most of it? and then just go from there? keep it casual and dont actually make plans for staying over.. just the option is there should it arise?

hes text. So its fine. I dont know.

wriggly how weird

Agree with all re@ BoR serious faux pas. I will say something later on when he has finished work

hello all, after telling geordie that I think he is wimp for using the distance excuse I am now going to get back into looking for a date/dates

I hardly get any messages and very few of ones sent are answered. So what am I doing wrong? I'm not unattractive but I am a size 18. I try to send a reasonably sized message in ones I am interested in but sometimes I just say hi

It took me 9 months to get a date (Geordie) and I'm so jaded but I need to get out and have some fun.

What makes a good profile?

MsCello I'm an 18 also but I seem to manage a date at roughly one a month. Maybe location is the thing? Whereabouts are you? Or maybe I'm just a persistant bugger :o

We need a new thread! Someone elses turn to start it again :) Like the 27 cats idea for the title and get dating chat thread in there somewhere so we're not too quichey

I'm in the outskirts of London, so shouldn't be this hard?

I only talk to people who's photo's I like, maybe I should be less fussy?

Well I relaxed my standards but seem to have ended up with a racist neanderthal. The neanderthal bit is fine actually :o it's just the racism I'm not liking.

But anyway yeah I am quite relaxed about looks anyway and can have odd taste sometimes so maybe I'm just aiming low, MsCello... or lower than you would anyway. Having said that I've also met some very gorgeous, educated and lovely men who like a fuller figured woman and it's ended up not working out for other reasons so who knows?