Fucked up big style.

[Fuckedupagain]

I been sacked today.

For doing something inappropriate at work. Totally my own fault. Am devastated.

It involves another person, who is 3 days into a 2 week holiday with his df.

Aside from my own shame, embarrassment and general self-hatred, I don't know whether to try and get in contact with him. Nothing he can do, will ruin his holiday.

Such a fucking mess.

No, I wouldn't loose him as such, but I could have fucked everything up IYKWIM?

You deserve to be wanted and desired OP, we all need that.

agree dont be too hard on yourself. good luck. we all mess up.

Things are getting better, slowly but they are., and he has been great over all this. It's not easy, for either of us, as there is a big age gap (probably just outed self) but hopefully we'll get there.

Think I need to sort me out

FYI, most workplaces are using monitoring software that will flag up words or phrases, and often just start recording when certain words are said, such as names of other employees, competitors, adult content, etc. Then the IT dept will get an automated email messages saying to check out specific logs which are recorded..... It does not mean that everyodys conversations are always monitored, but that something trigger monitoring.

Yeah, but it is great for weeding out inappropriate behaviour....

look, love, why don't you just leave your husband ? (have realised who you are)

You are desperately unhappy, as evidenced by your recent behaviour

You are pressing the self destruct button rather than do the one thing your psyche is screaming out at you to do...

what else are you going to fuck up (maybe for good next time) before you man up and accept your marriage is over ?

The two things happened about the same time AF.

He is getting help, and things are ok, although that's maybe because I have had the distraction. We are fine together at the moment though, and he is making an effort, not sure whether it will last, but he has been to GP twice.

Was hoping you would see this. X

I feel so bad for you

You seem out of control

I think you would be better on your own, to rebuild your life and get the vibrant sex life/excitement you are clearly trying to recreate in such a fucked-up way

You will continue trying to sabotage it. How will you stop yourself...you seem incapable of it so far.

< hope I haven't gone too far >

I think I know who you are too....

agree with AF, this relationship is not good from what I remember from your other threads.

I think and hope that this might be the wake up call I need. I have fucked up, purely because I want to be liked and wanted and made to feel good.

Only I don't feel good, I feel like shit, and I haven't heard from a single person from work, so it goes to show doesn't it?

I need to make one last shot at my marriage, and if it doesn't work then I know I can move on knowing I tried.

OM didn't even really make me feel good, just used. although, again, lesson learnt eh?

Honestly things are ok at home, we are tootling on quite nicely, he's getting help, I'm trying to interact more, as I know for the past couple of months I have withdrawn, too busy thinking of other things. Maybe we will get there, maybe we won't, but in the mean time, I'm going to find a counsellor and y and get my head sorted out a bit.

< shakes head sadly >

Everyone wants to feel good about themselves, and everyone should. It takes alot of time, but essentially you need to like yourself and value yourself. You cannot look to others to provide that sort of validation for you.

You will get there I am sure, and counselling is an excellent start.

Losing a job is horrible, really horrible and to feel like you have been snooped on, well it must feel like the rug has been pulled from under you.

You will get there, good luck.

When you look to others for your validation, you might as well put a big sign on your head saying "Use Me"

I agree OP, I think the silence from your ex work colleagues is deafening

Don't be cross with me AF

He's doing everything that I asked, and more.

I am not cross

If he is doing everything you asked, and more...why did you do this thing you did ?

Onwards and upwards though eh?

Hopefully, I will be able to look back on this in months and years to come and see it as a turning point in my life.

I'm not some silly 17 year old anymore, I need to stop behaving like it.

Lesson learnt.

Not feeling so sad tonight, have had and a good chat with a proper friend, who knows all.

It was around the time it all kicked off, I was angry with him, and it was my way of punishing him, and making myself feel better. Only it didn't.

No, they don't give a shit, it will have been pure entertainment for them, of course

One life OP, you only get one. Don't live these next few years pretending that you're nearly happy.