Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fucked up big style.

183 replies

Fuckedupagain · 10/10/2011 19:47

I been sacked today.

For doing something inappropriate at work. Totally my own fault. Am devastated.

It involves another person, who is 3 days into a 2 week holiday with his df.

Aside from my own shame, embarrassment and general self-hatred, I don't know whether to try and get in contact with him. Nothing he can do, will ruin his holiday.

Such a fucking mess.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 10/10/2011 20:17

Ok, bloody hell thats harsh.

shinyblackgrape · 10/10/2011 20:18

I presume you have had a disciplinary hearing? I'm a little bit confused about this - have you had a previous warning for something similar and/or do you have over a year of service?

I know you are on this thread for emotional support. However, if you want any employment support, feel free to to PM me. I'm an employment lawyer and would be happy to look at whether it is worth appealing (if you haven't already).

If an appeal is still possible, don't contact this man. You don't want to queer your pitch further with your employer.

RIZZ0 · 10/10/2011 20:19

Great offer from shinyblackgrape OP

"Queer your pitch", great phrase BTW!

Original poster
Fuckedupagain · 10/10/2011 20:20

Sorry, just really paranoid.

There was sex stuff, but I was sacked for some jokey personal remarks about a senior member of staff, although I know that given the print offs, they are obviously aware of everything.

OM is staff, I was not, so he may get a warning, but I don't know?

OP posts:
NewChoos · 10/10/2011 20:21

Sacked over a few emails? Can a company really do this without an official warning?

I would imagine that half the workforce would be out of a job...

shinyblackgrape · 10/10/2011 20:21

Human Rights Act doesn't apply in relation to private sector and/or in any event when you are using work equipment. That said, your employer does have to act reasonably when monitoring your emails etc (i.e. they can't have a nose just for the hell of it).

I don't want to get too much in the to legalities of things as I know you are looking for emotional help and support here.

NewChoos · 10/10/2011 20:23

Did you name people directly in your emails? Could you say they have misinterpreted the emails somehow??

bubblegumpop · 10/10/2011 20:24

Ahh so you were in a supervisory role. So they have you, in writing slagging off the boss. Then being sexually explicit with staff. Is that the gist of it?

GHAHSTLYGHOULYpants · 10/10/2011 20:25

Oh dear what a shame for you.

will you get a ref?

Do not contact him as he is on holiday.

Did you have a relationship, or was it just flirty/sexy emails?

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 10/10/2011 20:26

so if you wernt staff how could you be dismissed....?

LydiaWickham · 10/10/2011 20:28

Ah, you are a contractor and he is in house, well then you are easy to get rid off and he's hard to fire - so sorry OP.

He'll probably get a warning, and should be looking for a new job because if they considered it bad enough to let you go, they'll not give him any slack for anything else in the future.

However, I do'nt think you should warn him when on holiday, but perhaps when he gets back before going into the office - so at least he knows what he's facing.

You need to decide what you want to do re your relationship with your DH, you have been lucky in a way, you're now forced away from the OM and it can't develop into anything else if you don't want to lose DH.

Original poster
Fuckedupagain · 10/10/2011 20:28

yes person was named directly. What s fucking idiot I am.

shiney have pm'ed you, thanks so much.

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 10/10/2011 20:28

(Riding - officially her contract will have been ended, but it amounts to the same thing)

ScareyFairenuff · 10/10/2011 20:29

Did you work in a school? They call teachers staff and everyone else support.

Original poster
Fuckedupagain · 10/10/2011 20:30

Lydia, you are right.

I have lost my job, hopefully I will be able to get another, could have lost my Dh and son. Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Fuckedupagain · 10/10/2011 20:30

No, staff as in permanent, contractor as in temp.

OP posts:
bubblegumpop · 10/10/2011 20:32

Ohh named person in writing, was it libellous? As a contractor, you know the score then. Easy firing.

What did you tell your dh?

shinyblackgrape · 10/10/2011 20:32

No worries - off to check messages now

Original poster
Fuckedupagain · 10/10/2011 20:35

Told Dh that I had been sacked for remarks made about senior member of staff, which is the actual reason I was given .

OP posts:
bubblegumpop · 10/10/2011 20:38

So you arent going to tell him about om then? Will anyone else?

Original poster
Fuckedupagain · 10/10/2011 20:41

No, hopefully no need.

OP posts:
Kayano · 10/10/2011 20:42

Horrible Sad poor dh

Xales · 10/10/2011 20:43

Sort out your marriage one way or the other. Your DH may not want to be with a wife doing sex stuff with other men. You may be better off single so that you can do what you want with other people and not have to lie about it.

You may want to consider telling your H what you have been up to. You do not know what the other man may do when he gets back (or his wife if he is fired and she finds out what you have been doing). Would you rather be honest now with your H, or just hope and pray nothing comes out and leave the potential bomb that could go off at any time?

Don't contact him on holiday. Don't ruin his wife's holiday. It is bad enough that her H does this behind her back. Her marriage may go to hell in a hand basket when she gets back and this all comes to light. Let her at least have a last few days peace.

I suggest you get yourself some counselling to find out what is wrong in your marriage that you want to do some sex stuff with other men.

bubblegumpop · 10/10/2011 20:45

Well aside from the fact I think thats bang out of order. He should be able to chose what to do. Forget any legal action defending yourself. They will mudsling and it will all come out.

Stop being concerned for the om and deal with your husband, who is the innocent party here. If that is the way you are going to play it.

DrinkYourWeakLemonDrinkNow · 10/10/2011 20:48

Oh dearSad Actually though I do feel sorry for you. I left work 12 yrs ago (been sahm since) but blimey how things have changed.

Back then jokey, rude (some downright offensive) Emails were flying about all over the place every single day and we used to have the internet on the go for personal use too. No-one checked up on anything like this. We would have been quite affronted back then to think we were being monitored.

Seems you have to be so careful now at work. I know you should have known all this, but I still think it's a bit harsh for a first 'offense'. It looks as though they have made an example of you to remind everyone else to behave.