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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

If your DP came home and said he had a private dance at a strip club....

227 replies

LilllyLovesLife · 08/10/2011 18:40

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:

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PeppermintPumpkin · 08/10/2011 20:28

The posters who are dissecting the whys and wherefores of exactly what a man might do and whether that's ok or not ok-I don't get this. -Take out the personal for a minute-do you or do you not fundamentally have a (whisper it) political issue with selling sex? I do, and for me that's that.-If my other half did this it would show me in a nanosecond that we were over.

I may seem naive when I say this too-I am surprised at how commonplace people seem to think this is or have found this to be-I have never known a DP of mine, or anyone else's, do this. Mind you, these days I'm a bit of a hayseed, I suppose if we still lived in a town or city I might have a different view.

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:29

You can't separate the extras kayano if you're in a private room...then you want the extras.

HoneyMomster · 08/10/2011 20:32

You can have a different pov Kayano I'm asking q's because I'm interested in your POV and want to understand it. It's a discussion!

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:32

It's born of ignorance peppermint Women....ordinary ones who don't work in these clubs or have not visited them...they have this "Movie version" of what lapdancing is....and hey can't see the sleazyness of it as it really is.

Lapdancing has been normalised because of people selling "pole dancing lessons" as a fitness regime...and because of pop stars doing lap dances and becase you can see the clubs on the high street....so to many women, they're not sleazy...they're normal.

Kayano · 08/10/2011 20:33

Well in that case DH wouldn't go in a private room so it wouldn't be an issue...

But if he did having been egged on he would probably pay the woman not to touch him and pretend to dance lol. Really... We are all not the same

NinkyNonker · 08/10/2011 20:33

Fully secure in who I am, and have too much respect for DH and our relationship to be happy with that kind of behaviour. He wouldn't do it though, and has never been to a strip club, that doesn't make him some sort of weak little man, quite the opposite. It makes him a man with a backbone, self-respect and a strong moral core. All of which is why I married him.

Kayano · 08/10/2011 20:33

I know honey, that's why I said it is making for interesting debate

gapants · 08/10/2011 20:34

Completely intolerable. Totally disgusting. that is someones daughter, mother, sister. Exploitive and wrong. I would be so angry if DH went to one because it would feel like a massive betrayal, as in "who IS this guy?"

DH went on a big staggy stag in the summer, and part of it was to end up in Spearmint Rhino, from the get go DH and about 4 other blokes said, yep great stag do (paint balling, cider tasting, curry) will pay for all that, but we are not coming tot he strip club, will go somewhere else and meet you all later. The Best Man got in a right shit about it and really pressured the others to go, they all said, look mate, not interested, it is exploitive, nasty, shit and I am not interested. So BM laid off. On the stag do, BM again started on them, and again as individuals and collectively they said, no ta. I know lots of men who think this way and would not be caught dead in a club like that. I am so proud that my DH and my male mates are in that group.

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:34

Dont you think that makes him eak Kayano? Ffs why not just say "Sorry lads...not my thing"

ScareyFairenuff · 08/10/2011 20:34

Kayano, you can have a different opinion and a debate. That's why I asked you. You would be OK if he had the dance in a club but not in your living room. I don't understand the difference. Either you are OK with the dance or you're not. Why is it different in a club?

What if it was in the home and you did know about it. Would that be OK.

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:35

Weak...not EAK

PeppermintPumpkin · 08/10/2011 20:36

Yes I suppose it is Gumball. Good point about those fecking pole dancing classes. Right up there with playboy bunny t shirts for little girls and bloody babygros with "lock up your daughters" written on them

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:37

I want to know why it's different in a club too Scarey

Kayano · 08/10/2011 20:37

If it was a stag do in my living room with a stripper and I knew about it before hand I would feel exacty the same if in the club, what I said was I would not be happy or think it the same if he touched, got extras or had a nipple in his
Mouth in either place...

The example someone asked was comparing a 'dance' with hands on leg, with a living room liason with 'nipple in mouth' which might account why people have misunderstood

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:39

I thought it was ok too Peppermint until I had to actually research it for a project. I see my DHs mate and hi wife go to these places together a lot and she's all thinking she's so cool and he's thinking what a great wife...ut can she REALLY think that? Or d you think she's dying inside a bit every time she sees those girls.

TheOriginalFAB · 08/10/2011 20:40

Where is the OP?

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:40

I think you're only looking at this from your feelings and your point of veiw...you can't see why it's wrong on a larger scale can you Kayano?

HoneyMomster · 08/10/2011 20:40

I think I actually blame Friends a bit for the normalisation of the sex industry.

ScareyFairenuff · 08/10/2011 20:41

So am I correct in thinking that the thing that makes it OK for you is that he is in the company of other men at the time?

You would not be happy if it was just him and the girl, in your living room, even if you were there too or knew about it in advance?

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:41

I know Fab who cares though? It's a good debate.

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:43

Do you Honey? Maybe Friends came at the time when all of the Lapdancing thing was kicking off....I rememeber they had a couple of shows with strippers...Danny Devito and the one they thought stole th wedding ring...but that was all wasn't it?

tralalala · 08/10/2011 20:43

I agree honey.

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GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:44

Oh no...there was Phoebe's porn star sister too!

Kayano · 08/10/2011 20:44

If thy were all having dances and egged on, ie moved to he dining room etc... But all the lads would be there in te living too
/ club ... Just not in the actual dining room/ booth...

I am reminding myself of grilled cheese sandwiches writing this lol
DH would never just go and get a dance

I'm gettig frustrated because I am on this damn iPhone and I know what I mean but can't seem to get it down in words iyswim? I think I am just coming across as a bit of a tool (feelfree to agree)

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 20:46

It was a very sexist show though....the girls were "A cook" "Waitress" and "Masseuse" which combned is possiblythe perfect woman to a misogynist!

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