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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

If your DP came home and said he had a private dance at a strip club....

227 replies

LilllyLovesLife · 08/10/2011 18:40

What would your reaction be?

OP posts:

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raspberrytipple · 08/10/2011 19:15

It really only matters how you feel doesnt it? I'm guessing your upset and not sure if you should be? If you feel hurt or upset about it you need to make sure he knows.

I personally would be upset although I know that DH has been to strip clubs, once when he was 19 and had 4 private dances (wtf!) and once last year at the end of a stag do and saw the place with very different eyes (no private dances that time, he felt very uncomfortable) and I feel pretty sure he won't ever be setting foot in one again.

travellingwilbury · 08/10/2011 19:15

So come on then , what did you do ?

Sariah · 08/10/2011 19:17

I would wait until his best friend or brother called over to the house and I would put on my crotchless knickers and thigh boots and give him a private dance and see how he minded.

As far as I am concerned dh gets all his sexual gratifcation from me and vice versa anything outside the marriage would cause a rift and life and marriage is hard enough without introducing naked women into it.

Missingfriendsandsad · 08/10/2011 19:20

I would ditch ANY man who liked sex or who was turned on by anything but me and go out with a sexless librarian .

It depends on circumstances, but if my bloke went to a strip place and had a private dance I would mostly be jealous and angry (irrationally naturally :) ) that he had had a mysterious night out that was a bit naughty and I hadn't. Perhaps if your DP is someone who doesn't have a good moral core and doesn't like women as people I would be worried. My DP would probably thank her afterwards and ask her what car she was driving... :) He sees that stuff as a job, and I don't worry that he would go any further, his thing is definitely women who fancy him, not people who he pays to - bigger risks are women he likes, not women he just gets turned on by...

ScaredBear · 08/10/2011 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missingfriendsandsad · 08/10/2011 19:21

oh and if the girls really do rub themselves against men till they come (I'm sure they don't) judging by how pissed up most of them are they would be on less than the minimum wage if they did!

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 19:27

Missing they do. Honestly.... I know...I have looked into the industry pretty deeply due to my work.. And not only that but they also rub their vaginas on the mens faces. The men cant move...they have to put their hands on their knees and the girls do all the "work"

GumballCharm · 08/10/2011 19:28

Do you imagine the men pay extra just to watch a girl dance in privacy?

oldwomaninashoe · 08/10/2011 19:29

I would be cross of the complete waste of money, to me its similar to talking to someone on a sex line, they are laughing at the men who are so weak minded to realise that its not about sex its about money

Uppity · 08/10/2011 19:30

I wouldn't be married to a man who thought it was OK to do this.

And if I were, he would have deceived me as to his views and morals.

And he'd be gone.

It's a dealbreaker for me. Am not interested in men who don't see women as full human beings.

travellingwilbury · 08/10/2011 19:33

This is looking more like a journo question than a discussion . IMHO

raspberrytipple · 08/10/2011 19:34

I must be really naive but how in a lapdance do they rub their vaginas in the guys face? Do they stand on them? I've met 5/6 lapdancers who have to go fully naked and all have shown me how they keep their bits hidden once their knickers are off? I've never heard of anyone rubbing their vaginas in someone's face?

Kayano · 08/10/2011 19:35

I still wouldn't be bothered

ginmakesitallok · 08/10/2011 19:38

I'd ask him to leave

fatcaaah · 08/10/2011 19:41

Kayano I'm with you on this one!

KeepInMind · 08/10/2011 19:42

Secure enough with who I am not to care TBH

If he is gullible enough to part with hard earned cash to have some girl wiggle her bits at him that up to him.

CheerfulSingsOut · 08/10/2011 19:42

He'd be out the door. No question.

christmashope · 08/10/2011 19:43

It seriously would not bother me at all! Whatever .....
I am not the jealous type at all a dance is a dance then he would come home to me. Hubby has had a private dance once before on a boys weekend away, no big deal for me.

HoneyMomster · 08/10/2011 19:47

those who say they're not bothered on a personal level - does the exploitation angle bother you?

sorry can't link but there's a stat which says over 65% of lapdancers don't like what they do but feel they can't leave. Now I know thats a bit vague and woolly cos I can't back it up at the mo - maybe someone else can? - but if for the sake of argument you accept that, what does that say about people who frequent lapdancing clubs?

Sariah · 08/10/2011 19:48

Can I just ask what security has to do with it? How does being secure about yourself have anything to do with your husband getting sexual pleasure outside your relationship. I wouldnt consider myself as being exceptionally secure but dont think I would feel any different even if I was? What does secure mean, secure in marriage, looks, brains, trust and where is the line? If he had sex with someone would you still be secure or would you start feeling abit insecure then or would that suddenly not be the issue.

MangoMonster · 08/10/2011 19:52

Why did he tell you? Not saying he should have done it and not told you but was he trying to piss you off. I'd be annoyed about a private dance tbh. I would be really annoyed. Paying for that stuff makes my skin crawl when it's 1 on 1. However I have known many men to do it (married guys I used to work with). I think it's disrespectful to you, would he like you to do it?

MangoMonster · 08/10/2011 19:53

The strip clubs I've been to, it's not hands off.

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KeepInMind · 08/10/2011 19:53

One of my sisters friends was a lap dancer, Nice girl, but she said she could work in Tesco for a week or dance for a nigh and have the same amount of money, I know who was being exploited and it was not her

Kayano · 08/10/2011 19:56

What I mean is that I know that if DH came in and told me that, I would not be in a position to be shocked or surprised because I would know beforehand that he was going there.

He has only been twice in his life so he certainly does not 'frequent' any clubs...

And I know he won't have dine it for sexual pleasure outside
Of te marriage, he would have done it because all the other lads were there etc.

So yes, my security and trust in DH does affect my opinion of him having had a Dance iyswim?

I don't find myself thinking about the exploitation of women in these clubs very often tbh, it's not something I have ever looked into or anything because DH never goes to these clubs. (well except the twice for stag dos, but he didn't get a dance)

Uppity · 08/10/2011 19:56

I'm too secure in myself to tolerate a man who has no respect for women.

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