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Original poster

Not allowed male friends, normal?

126 replies

ToPeeOrNotToPee · 07/10/2011 14:14

Hi everyone,

I've been friends with an ex-coworker for a few years now. It is completely platonic. My DP is not happy about it at all, and thinks that men will always have an ulterior motive for being friends with women I.e wanting to 'fuck them'.

I've been friends with the coworker longer than I've been with DP. it would break my friends heart if I ended the friendship, but my DP says he won't put up with it for long.

WWYD? Help.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 07/10/2011 14:15

tell dp to fuck off

MilicentBystander · 07/10/2011 14:17

You know it's unreasonable.
You know he's being a jealous, nasty and controlling twat.
You aren't married, tell him to fuck off.

It really is that simple.

vixsatis · 07/10/2011 14:17

You should tell your DP to fuck off and that you will choose your own friends.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 07/10/2011 14:17

No, not normal at all. And not acceptable.

His insecurities are his issue to resolve, not for you to change your own behaviour over. Plus how dare he give you orders like that.

TanteRose · 07/10/2011 14:20

"DP says he won't put up with it for long"

put up with what?? talking to a MAN?

is your DP actually a time traveller from Victorian England?

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 07/10/2011 14:20

You say, "he won't put up with it for long"

What did he threaten would happen?

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 07/10/2011 14:21

Even if he didn't spell out a consequence, it remains a threat.

Vile behaviour.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 07/10/2011 14:24

No, it's not normal for a partner to dictate to you who you can and can't be friends with. In fact, it's a big fat warning sign that they are a bit of a nob.

MilicentBystander · 07/10/2011 14:25

And that you should leave.
Sharpish.

Original poster
ToPeeOrNotToPee · 07/10/2011 14:25

End it I suppose Sad

He just called me from work really upset and angry because of a fb message on my wall, along the lines of nice seeing you etc.

I know I'm at fault a bit because I don't tell him when he pops round to my work for a coffee and I should, but I don't because he doesn't like it.

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 07/10/2011 14:25

Your DP should not be using phrases about "putting up with" when talking to you. Kick him into touch before he issues any more ultimatums about what he won't put up with.

pollyblue · 07/10/2011 14:25

No, his attitude is rotten. DH's closest friend is a woman he met at uni, they've been good mates for over 20 years. My oldest/closest friends are a couple of blokes I've known almost as long.

If you get on with someone, you get on. Gender and "fancying" don't always come into it.

And I would not put up with a partner telling me who i could be friends with.

PhilipJFry · 07/10/2011 14:26

Your partner has a very distorted view of other men and seriously, the fact that he is saying these sorts of things is a bad sign.

ineedabodytransplant · 07/10/2011 14:26

I take it he has no female friends.

Not it isn't normal behaviour at all.

What next? Stop you having female friends?

Your life, you choose your own friends.

windsorTides · 07/10/2011 14:26

Do not, under any circumstances dump your friend.

Your partner doesn't seem to factor into this that even if your friend had the raging hots for you, it would be up to you to say no. If he's also threatening to end the relationship because of it, it's bullying.

What he's telling you though is that as a man, he cannot see past women's sexuality when he interacts with them and so if he were unfaithful himself, it wouldn't be his fault because in his world, men can't meet or work alongside women without wanting to fuck them.

What he is accusing your friend of, is true of him.

MilicentBystander · 07/10/2011 14:27

Fucks sake.

You are not at fault, he's a nasty controlling cunt.

You need to leave. men like him are scum and if women refused to live with men like that, they;d have to change or remain celibate.

pollyblue · 07/10/2011 14:27

You're going to end up backing yourself into a horrible corner over this - not telling DH you've seen your frieind because you think he'll kick off/telling your DH you've seen you're friend and he'll kick off anyway - you can't win.

Backbone girl! Stand up for yourself.

pollyblue · 07/10/2011 14:29

sorry, shocking typing.

NettleTea · 07/10/2011 14:32

and you shouldnt need to tell him if your friend pops in for coffee. Does he tell you about everyone he speaks to all day? If it comes up in conversation, you should be able to feel at ease to mention you have seen your mate. The fact you feel you have to hide it is not right. My DP was happy for me to go and stay at my male friend's flat for a week when I had to go to college in London for my exams.
Its worrying that he thinks this way about how men view women - says more about how HE views women TBH

Flowered · 07/10/2011 14:32

Tell him thats fine so long as he's prepared not to talk to any woman under 50, no 60, EVER!

B52s · 07/10/2011 14:36

Not normal. I don't always tell my DH when I meet my friends. Why would I?

Get rid, and find someone normal.

Ephiny · 07/10/2011 14:37

No it isn't normal at all, it's not for him to decide whether he'll 'put up with' you being friends with someone. Please don't end a good friendship for his sake.

What do you think will happen when he stops 'putting up with it'?

Cheeseandseveredfingersarnie · 07/10/2011 14:40

my dh is the same,i am obviously sleeping with every male that i speak to,infact i dont even have to speak,maybe smile.
ive never had an affair,im no head turner,it is just silly.
its made friendships uncomfortable but ive never stopped speaking to someone because of him.
hes now a postie so knows where all my 'fancy men' live so now im having affairs by postcode!

Katisha · 07/10/2011 14:41

Is he controlling in other ways? Do you feel you have to walk on eggshells around him in case he goes off on one?

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow · 07/10/2011 14:44

20 signs you're dating a loser

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