' babe, even my 7 year old thinks your sexi' internet dating - part 3.

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started.

I went - lovely little house, very male, a thousand gadgets and only one pic which was of the little boy. No wife!!!! yay

We watched tv, chatted and drank coffee. There was some lovely snogging but not one wander of a hand

Had to use the loo and the little boy was sound asleep in the room next to the bathroom. So far, everything he has said is true

So, I'm really pleased I went, he put me at ease with my issues a little (around lying cheaters) Lunch on Sunday now

Lubey your cucumber sticker idea made me laugh this morning.
Thanks for the welcome girls. I have joined POF (you are right about the poor men who cannot afford shirts), OKC (boringly slow), Smooch (useless site, difficult to navigate and plenty of unsuitable messages).
I have had 2 dates with a lovely chap from POF, he is great fun, honest (I have checked him out thoroughly as I'm paranoid about nutters!), great company etc, but I do not fancy him as he is not my normal body 'type'. Might I change my mind or am I wasting my time & his? Am I just settling for something out of desperation boredom hope, or should I go with the flow and see if something grows?
I have been absolutely honest with him, but we enjoy each others company and are having fun. No activities so far, just a quick kiss at the end of the date.
Help...I am new to this whole thing, I miss having someone to share my life & make me laugh, but I am not desperate and not a total minger, so do not want to settle for something that is not right at this early stage.

Glad it went well MsCello where did you meet him was he from a dating site?

I posted too soon last night Watch obviously not a grower

Hi Wriggly the whole grower thing is a hard one to judge. At the moment I would prefer instant wow he is hot but me ex who I endd up with for 4 years was a grower, ended up my best shag kisser ever. Although I didn't fancy him straight away I loved being with him and kept thinking about him all the time, I just wouldn't wait too long for it to work.

Well I have been emailing with Mr House I'll call him, just a few emails but that are really long. If he talks like that in real life then he seems really interesting. He is tall , has a daughter and doesn't live too far away. He asked to meet up for coffee in his last email [happy]

A Christmas meet up would be brilliant, I am in Nottingham, as we all too far away for it to happen do you think?

Have to say, hate and lubey and time. it isnt you.
I sometimes think its me.

I think its the combo of being older and not coming into as much contact with decent men. And then not having so much free time to persue things. And being a lot more selective about things as well.

But you know, you never know, do you.
( this goes againist my mothers advice, who thinks that i should fall at the feet of any man that shows interest and single women are silly and looking for something that is not there)

I dont like growers. I want fireworks.
And seeing as i dont mind being on my own i shall wait.
Realised this morning that actually, i didnt want to see him again at all. He was incrediably self involved and a bit of a bore. He said ' you will learn, to tell me to shut up, else i just keep talking' And i was thinking ' no, i wont, just fucking shut up'
Anyway - i trumped him with my 'time when i accidentally started the international news' and that left him quite for a few mins.

lesson learnt - dont be blinded in awe by someone before you have met them, just because they have toured europe with a band and speak fluent itallian. me, with my apple stewing skills,am way, way cooler and more exciting.

Thanks Zany, I need to give it some thought, maybe I shoudl 'test drive' him & find out once and for all! I'm not really that kind of girl, but maybe it is time for a change - I can always blame it on divorce and a mid-life crisis!
Chatty Mr House sonds lovely.

zany - his profile? so we can all have a perv :)

mrs celo - yay!!!! :)

Zany I'm not too far away and I go to Notts now and then.

Wriggly I have an ex that was a grower. My DD's dad. He was very tall, skinny and geeky but out of nowhere I started fancying him and it all just happened. I think the key thing is that even though attraction wasn't there at first it did appear not long after. If no attraction ever crops up then that would be settling.

Watch, good for you. He was just practice then at spotting what you definitely DO NOT want

Watch Lovely post!! Very unMNetty hug for you, and I don't really do hugs but that post made me want to!

I agree with so much of what you say. Being older means my means of meeting men in the 'normal' way, i.e. clubs, nights out in pubs, etc is limited because a) I feel too old for clubs, I like to wear clothes when I go out so would look somewhat overdressed and b) my friends are older too, in marriages and don't go out! So that leaves me a bit stuck! Stuck with shite dating sites.

Plus, I've been wondering if all the decent men are the ones who are so decent that they are lovingly settled in long term relationships. That the ones roaming around now are the cast off's, the ones who haven't been able to maintain a relationship for one reason or another. I'm beginning to think I'd be better off looking for a widower!

I'm loving your attitude Watch. You deserve the best and one day the best you shall have, then you will be so pleased that you didn't just settle for 'whatever'

And, surely there are men out there who either loathe dating sites or are having no success with them, thinking along similar lines to us. I wonder where they go or what they do to meet women?

Time I keep thinking that... that the good ones have been snapped up and held onto, but then I think well, I'm a good one (female version) and I was snapped up but then came to my sense and got divorced. And if I use the dating sites then surely my male, good guy equivalent is too.

My attempts to be out in RL more are my back up plan but it's somewhat flawed. I don't do clubbing unless dragged there and then it's usually a gay club like the other night with my in the closet gay friend. Pubs I can do, but the local men around here who go in pubs tend to be the lager lout football mad kind, so I'm not gonna have much success there. This only leaves me with maybe getting an extra job and maybe meeting people via that, not necessarily men in the office but just a general social network and men my colleagues might know.

I should probably move to a city where they have decent wine bars and theatre and nice 'going out' type things that don't attract the lager-y football kind. Not that there's anything wrong with them apart from that my exh was one and I'm soooooooooo not going there again!

time - i have no idea. if you find them, send them my way.

i do wonder the same about dating sites too.
It does seem there are quite a lot single, divorced ( nor never married or whatever) women, in the 30+ age bracket, who are, by all means, absolutley fantastic. but single.

Im 33 and i dont want to dress up like something on towie and hit the clubs, that wasnt me when i was 18, so sure as hell isnt me now. PLUS id be unlikey to find anyone id like there anyway.

Im sure its to do with just the smaller and smaller social circles as you get older.
I go out, and am out tonight, but its at a restaurant. So, there will be no men really, or not the chance to talk to them. And i think that when i do go out ( which means waitig for a childfree weeekend, or getting a babysitter) its usually with a purpose, such a birthday meal, or a festival or something. So its centered around that, than casually talking to people. And im not even a shy person, but that doesnt seem to happen so much as you get older....
Plus, having people to go out with is hard as well. because most of them want to stay in, or just have you go to their house, which, unless russel brand is hiding under the sofa, im unlikely to run into someone exciting.

Plus - from dating for so long i have found that, if they dont have any baggage, and they are over 30, its likely to be for a reason. And that reason is likely to be because they are a cock! LOL

YEAH - my friend has said the same about me not settliing, i didnt realise that that was the case, but it is. I know im awesome ( despite my wobble yesterday) and i know you lot are all awesome too. And im not just going to be in a realationship with somone for the sake of it ( and thinkg of it, ive had plenty of chances for that to be the case) but what sort of example would that be showing my daughter? and i refuse, point blank, to introduce anyone to my child, who is nothing short of spectacular.

guess ill be single a year from now!

lubey - yeah. totally agree with everything you say.

sigh

xmas meet up then?

Yep watch. It's going to take spectacular here to be motivating and inspiring enough to make me want to give up taking up my whole bed, let alone introducing to my DD - and having experienced spectacular with my ex I really would never be happy with anything else. Someone might be spectacular in different ways to him, but it's the 'wow' feeling that's needed.

Watch yes we should totally do an xmas meet up. Certainly hope we manage it

Everyone sounds a little deflated today :( I prescribe wine (rum for watch), chocolate, duvet, couch and bridget jones diary.

Here is a little gem I received today on POF:

"You can take own my perticulars, anytime :)"

oh yes, someone hold me back.

Time, once again you've summed things up well. The pubs are full of kids so I feel like a creepy old letch perving on those gorgeous leggy young things and any old boilers my age are cougars preying on young blokes. Friends my age are already in established couples. My other outlet is following a few mates' bands and getting up every now and then at open mikes or sitting in with their bands - I play a bit of guitar and mando and sing - all very badly, but at blues or country music gigs the bar isn't usually set all that high! The women are usually very mumsy types (think Nursey in the Elizabethan series of Black Adder) or they're well travelled case-hardened tattooed women sneaking off outside for a surreptitious pipe of finest hydro. Strangely enough some fit both camps. It's always a curious sight to see a Queen Mother lookalike enjoying a few cones with a Morticia Adams lookalike!

I did start chatting with a widow on Oasis recently, and to be honest she seemed a bit conservative in appearance and on her profile, but she was full of life and suitably flirty on chat. The two things that made me back off (and I did send her a message saying I was taking a break from online dating etc. so I didn't just disappear) were that she lived a good 2 hour drive from me and that the only partner she'd ever had was her late husband. She had met hubby when she was 14 and they'd married when she was 19. I may be selling her (and myself) short, but I had visions of a very emotional scene should we get to the point of intimacy, and to be honest unless she rocked my world I couldn't see it being a long-term relationship because of the time and distance anyway. If she'd just wanted to punch one out to break her drought I would have been up for it, but the vibe was that she was looking for love and much to my surprise I discovered that I'm not that much of a bastard.

Glad you realise your fantastic Watch, no more wobbles

I want fireworks but they don't always happen immediately. Agree with not settling, I would love like to be in a relationship but I won't settle and be with someone for the sake of it, especially when DC's are involved. Of my last 2 relationships I decided to use my get out of jail card, the long term relationship I was still in love with him but he treated me badly and I will not put up with that. The other one (apart from my marriage) ended at the begining of the summer and he was lovely, kind, thoughtfull etc but the spark wasn't there and I didn't fancy him enough (me shallow?)

Social circles definatly get smaller, I am out quite often but it's out with a group or one to one and you are out to see and chat to who you are out with rather than talking to randon guys who might not even be looking for a woman. I work with only a handful of older guys who don't socialise and most of my friends are loved up or not interested in going out. I had been thinking of joining a social club that organises night, meals out etc to make new friends/potential guys but not got the courage yet.

Mr House is on POF as chocdemon

I think you did the right thing Poppa. As she is ID though I wonder how many others will consider her emotional welfare... not many I'd bet. But you did so good for you :)

Stay I will probably be partaking of wine, on the sofa and screeching Adele lyrics at my cats but I won't watch Bridget Jones. It annoys me because she has a LIFE and FRIENDS and FAMILY and works with actual real life people so she can meet people easily, and has no kids or ties.... I watch it and just think arrggghhhh I'm in a far sadder and more desolate situation than than her.

OK I really need to stop working from home, this is madness. Oh to have the job market of 2007 back, it would be easy!

at punch one out to break her drought. You don't come across as a bastard at all Poppa. It sounds to me as though you live in a small town? Another thing I was going to try is to ask friends, friends partners if they know anyone who is single who I might be inteested in. Will only do it with a couple of friends though who know me quite well as I don't want to come across as desperate but a close friend of mine asked me the other night if I wanted him to have a think about his/his girlfriends friends. I may try it once I've given up on POF and Cupid.

I'm out tonight with......wait for it..........lots of other couples. All the parents from my sons football club are having a night out, luckily my XH isn't going with his girlfriend anymore. I know them all quite well so shouldn't be too bad but can't help feeling a bit ugghhhh at being the only singleton there.

Oh make the most of it zany, they will be falling over themselves to matchmake you with someone I bet. I used to delight in doing that for singles when I was married, with my now exh's friends and whatnot :o

Zany, just to bring you up to speed... I live in the farthest southern suburb of Adelaide, the capital of South Australia. The city and suburbs are spread between the sea to the west and a range of hills to the east, so about 10 - 15 miles wide by 100 miles long. I'm at the bottom end. The closest "suburbs" to me are actually the winegrowing towns of McLaren Vale and Willunga 5 to 10 miles to the east, and nice beaches half a mile down the hill from me... just a pity I'm not into wine 'cos they do some good stuff! I'm self employed on weekdays providing daycare for my 2 1/2 year old grand-daughter, and in the evenings and at weekends building solidbody electric ukuleles, mandolins, tenor guitars, lap steel guitars etc., so basically I'm time poor, broke and a bit isolated. :)

lubey and watch (and all others on thread of course) Maybe we are still single because we are awesome and we refuse to settle for whatever comes our way? And that's not a bad thing because it is better to be single and happy than be in the wrong relationship. Sooo, having said that, maybe we have to go where the awesome men are! The ones that are looking for class rather than crass But I am so loathe to pay for a dating site!!

I'm in the process of looking for work and I am hoping that when I do manage to get a job it will widen my social circle. I did get hit on my a bloke in the Jobcentre a couple of weeks a go, just back from Dubai, ran his own business, had 30K in bank when he arrived back in the country 18 months a go. Think he thought that would impress me, while we were sat waiting to sign on

Watch I'm so pleased that you are not going to settle. Thirty three is not old! You are a spring chicken! You have plenty of time to meet The One and have a nice time while you are waiting. I'd be happy just to meet One for Christmas!

PoppaRob that lady you met on Oasis sounds really nice. I hope you don't mind me saying but I do think you sold both yourself and her short. I think you did too much forward thinking and wrote the story before it happened, in a negative light too. There was a lot of presuming going on without actually knowing how things would pan out. You are as bad as us girls I can see that the distance might have been a problem but all the other stuff could have been sorted with some good communication.

Do you think that sometimes, although we say we want a 'relationship', when there is a possibility of one developing we come up with excuses to avoid it? I know that I can be guilty of this. Just a thought though.

It sounds lovely where you are Poppa but isolated.

I got this jem last night

hmm.. not passed your bedtime? :P lol

I've just been messaged by a less than attractive married man saying he has a mistress application gathering dust. I feel quite insulted at all these married men looking for a bit on the side.