How many of the men in your life have used prostitutes, compared with how many who haven't? I'd like to ask for help or perspectives on this?

[aliasforthis2]

I'm a semi-regular poster but obviously have name-changed for this.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

I worked as a prostitute for 4 years and stopped/exited nearly 18 months ago. The reason I started working as a prostitute was because it was sold to me as a glamourous and easy way to make money. At the time I had many debts and was working minimum wage and living totally hand-to-mouth with no room for manouvere,if an unexpected financial burden hit like a bank charge, we would be screwed having to choose between food and electric. A friend worked for an agency and I'd seen Belle du Jour and naively thought it would be like that.

Anyway, I am now out as I just couldn't handle it anymore. A very small percentage of the men were ok but the vast majority did things like -
-try to take the condoms off
-have poor hygiene and refuse to shower first worried it would take up their 'time'
-try to get service for less money or even steal back the money
-try to force services i did not offer like anal
-be unashamed about the fact they were partnered or had a wife at home
-speak to me disrespectfully and patronising, saying things like "I want to get the most for my money" etc
-scrutinize my body and give me advice on how to look better or compare me either positively or negatively to other ladies
-try to take up mush more time than paid for deliberately
-sometimes maybe once a month i was assaulted leaving bruises or spat on or held in a house
-a lot of phone or text harrassment
-most wanted young women the younger the better ie 18-20. i'm serious when i say that this is what most men wanted - young and naive. I answered the phone for the agency sometimes and i'd say three quarters of the men specifically requested 'young' ie 18-21 , 25 at a push.Which I think is disgusting given most are in their 40s wanting as close to 18 as they can.

Obviously not every man did ALL of the above but I'd be hard pressed to find a man who did not try at least one of those things. I don't know any other way to describe it.

I have been single for a while, I had a relationship with a genuinely lovely man I met at my new work for a while (no red flags) but it ended as he became a complete workaholic when starting a company and we drifted apart and split 6 months ago.

Anyway the point of this thread is for me to get a more balanced perspective on men. I had counselling on the NHS for 12 weeks which was helping but they wouldn't fund any more. I have been told by sympathetic friends who are also ex prostitutes (not told anyone in 'real life') to remind myself that it's only a v.small percentage of men who use prostitutes/escorts. But I just cannot see it like that. Every man I see walking down the street I view as a potential customer of prostitutes and treated a person how the customers treated me. I feel like punching them sometimes for no reason. Every married man I know I wonder if they have went to a prostitute with their wedding ring happily on moaning about their wife. I find myself wondering if I will ever have a relationship with trust again. I don't live in a particularly big place or a travelling business place but the sheer hoardes of men calling the agency every day and booking was unbelievable. And more than half would have unsuspecting wives or gfs.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

Thanks x

wah the Op is actually from last October

the thread was resurrected for dubious reasons

by someone else

I didn't realise this was an old thread - sorry OP.

All best to you. I really hope things improve for you. For what it's worth, I think they will - simply because you sound intelligent and switched on. You sound like the kind of person who thinks deeply about things. Right now in many ways that isn't easy as you're suffering, but it also gives you the mental tools to work your way through stuff iyswim. You strike me as a person of quality, OP. I hope your life improves from here on and you move onward and upwards. I think you sound absolutely able to make a go of that. Good luck x

I'm afraid this is what I feared would happen, which is why I posted what I did on the thread on Monday, to try and kill it. I hope it's allowed to peter out now alias and so sorry that you've been troubled by its resurrection. Might be worth asking MNHQ to remove it from the board temporarily, but not the archive?

So glad you are coming out of the fog and realising your worth.

bloody hell, I didn't see your post, alias

I am really sorry, love

I wish you all the best x

There is somewhat of a resurgance of old p.rostitution threads, I think we may have some of the p.u.n.t.e.r net crowd stirring things up again - I've reported posts on another thread, they give themselves away by the instistence that they are shagging our husbands.

This is something i've wondered and had a conversation with my dp about after reading a magazine article that was about men in their 20's and 30's using sex workers and being open about it.

The tone of the article was that everything 'nowadays' is about instant gratification- fast food, instant access etc and sex was just another comodity.

I am as sure as I can possibly be that my dp has never used a sex worker- we've had open and frank conversations about this- although I suspect that one of my older brothers has and does.

I work in DV intervention and my male colleagues have all said that they never have, but a large proportion of the men they work with have boasted that they have at some point in their lives (how true this is, is anyones guess)

Well, you can never know for sure I guess but I am fairly certain that my father, at least one brother and DH never would have. I know of a few who have though but it's all been through the grapevine, noone actually telling me that.

Please stop adding posts to this thread

READ the last few days posts.

charbon, I have reported the thread and asked for it to be closed

there is a thread in site stuff that discusses whether old threads should be locked. This supports that notion.

The biological Father of my child used prostitutes. I had no idea. He went to a massage parlour. He said they were the best he'd ever had sex with, he was addicted before we met. I am damaged by his actions, to my core 15 years later :(

Oh! My fault for posting quickly and not reading!