How many of the men in your life have used prostitutes, compared with how many who haven't? I'd like to ask for help or perspectives on this?

[aliasforthis2]

I'm a semi-regular poster but obviously have name-changed for this.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

I worked as a prostitute for 4 years and stopped/exited nearly 18 months ago. The reason I started working as a prostitute was because it was sold to me as a glamourous and easy way to make money. At the time I had many debts and was working minimum wage and living totally hand-to-mouth with no room for manouvere,if an unexpected financial burden hit like a bank charge, we would be screwed having to choose between food and electric. A friend worked for an agency and I'd seen Belle du Jour and naively thought it would be like that.

Anyway, I am now out as I just couldn't handle it anymore. A very small percentage of the men were ok but the vast majority did things like -
-try to take the condoms off
-have poor hygiene and refuse to shower first worried it would take up their 'time'
-try to get service for less money or even steal back the money
-try to force services i did not offer like anal
-be unashamed about the fact they were partnered or had a wife at home
-speak to me disrespectfully and patronising, saying things like "I want to get the most for my money" etc
-scrutinize my body and give me advice on how to look better or compare me either positively or negatively to other ladies
-try to take up mush more time than paid for deliberately
-sometimes maybe once a month i was assaulted leaving bruises or spat on or held in a house
-a lot of phone or text harrassment
-most wanted young women the younger the better ie 18-20. i'm serious when i say that this is what most men wanted - young and naive. I answered the phone for the agency sometimes and i'd say three quarters of the men specifically requested 'young' ie 18-21 , 25 at a push.Which I think is disgusting given most are in their 40s wanting as close to 18 as they can.

Obviously not every man did ALL of the above but I'd be hard pressed to find a man who did not try at least one of those things. I don't know any other way to describe it.

I have been single for a while, I had a relationship with a genuinely lovely man I met at my new work for a while (no red flags) but it ended as he became a complete workaholic when starting a company and we drifted apart and split 6 months ago.

Anyway the point of this thread is for me to get a more balanced perspective on men. I had counselling on the NHS for 12 weeks which was helping but they wouldn't fund any more. I have been told by sympathetic friends who are also ex prostitutes (not told anyone in 'real life') to remind myself that it's only a v.small percentage of men who use prostitutes/escorts. But I just cannot see it like that. Every man I see walking down the street I view as a potential customer of prostitutes and treated a person how the customers treated me. I feel like punching them sometimes for no reason. Every married man I know I wonder if they have went to a prostitute with their wedding ring happily on moaning about their wife. I find myself wondering if I will ever have a relationship with trust again. I don't live in a particularly big place or a travelling business place but the sheer hoardes of men calling the agency every day and booking was unbelievable. And more than half would have unsuspecting wives or gfs.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

Thanks x

That should read "that night" rather than "last night". Not sure what happened there.

how would we KNOW whether the men in our lives have used prostitutes?
Most of us think 100% that our close men would not.

Lots of us must be wrong

Used to play squash with a probation officer who regularly dealt with prostitutes in prison.She always described them as "working girls" who had no other choice in life (this was over 30 years ago!). She said that their spell inside was looked upon as a welcome "rest" and the opportunity to have a full health check-up.

Tried to understand but still loathe and despise people connected in any way, shape or form to sex industry and porn.

If you met some of those 'working girls' carantala you would understand and you certainly wouldn't 'loathe and despise' them, although you would, rightly, be sickened by the men who use and abuse them.

jasper - enough people have come on here saying they suspect it - so not 100% are saying not. I do agree that for many it would come as a nasty shock and there must be men out there who are living double lives.

I know the men I listed and feel very confident about the chance they have
I know other men who I don't feel that confidence with.

izzy -not trying to start an argument with you because I totally accept what you said in response to it....but can you explain the sentence I quoted

I don't hold anyone above not using the services of one--I've learned never to trust anyone soo completely. I only know my DH hasn't because I travel with him when he goes to work, He usually calls me/tutors our DS at his lunch break and we're insanely busy with a million things always together.

I do feel horrible about hearing about these men and the lack of respect they show prostitutes. I remember almost dating a guy who was very fixated on prostitutes/prostitution. We were both only 16, so I figured it was an unhealthy obsession and never gave it a second thought until yesterday and reading this thread.

Like I said earlier, I wouldn't crap on my plumber because he deals with shit all day. I would be pleasant because he didn't have to fix my bathroom if he didn't want to. If he sad about having to go into my bathroom, I would surely not force him to look at the toilet.

I wish you peace op and all the other women who shared their experience of prostitiution on this thread. You are all very brave and I hope things get better for you.

Thank you for your kind words AnyFucker. Believe it or not I like me too.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy

You've both made a middle aged chap happy laugh!

Like I said earlier, I wouldn't crap on my plumber because he deals with shit all day.

Well said EandZ

Flutters eyelashes at Hedley.

< beats izzy back with a shitty stick >

fgs woman, get your hormones under control

I can, with as much certainty as possible, say my DP hasn't.

We have talked about this sort of thing at length. We both have similar values and morals. He would know it was cheating, although strangely many attached men don't.
My Dp would be turned off having sex with a woman only pretending to enjoy it no matter how gorgeous she was. I also think he would be embarrassed ringing an escort booking and asking for sexual services.

A while ago I discovered punternet from a mumsnet thread and was horrified. Not that men pay for sex, but married men who CLAIM they are happy see prostitutues. They really made me rethink that perhaps its impossible to ever be sure, even if you think you have a decent man.

I think it would be very unlikely from an opportunity point of view that my dp could anyway. Work, childcare etc. I do think I'd be more suspicious of a man travelling through work, than a man like my dp who works set hrs 5 min from home. Anything is possible though.

I know 2 men who have paid for sex. One was 'dysfunctional' and the type who never had a gf. The other was a colleague who was very overweight and paid on a regular basis to shag girls he could never pull. I was very young then and we all used to. Take the piss. Not surprised about those two, but obviously will never know with other males in family etc

Several of the men I used to work with did. They were high earning and worked in the City - it was the ones that travelled for work who were the worst often engineering having to travel to give themselves the opportunity. Although one had a matronly secretary who rang his wife and dobbed him in. That said they were in a minority most were devoted family men.

My ex had a depressing experience he was living in the Far East and a group of his male friends went on a "golfing" weekend boys only. My ex knew they were really going to a brothel he didnt want to go so spent the weekend with the left behind WAGs in HK who got frequent "missing you so much" phonecalls. None of the women had a clue. So yes, I am quite cynical. Pretty sure DH never would though nor any of his friends -they are lovely kind normal guys.

I forgot to say that I think a lot of men who are youngish would be horrified at ever paying for sex but many men men seen to have some kind of bullshit midlife crisis. Wife is lovely, but not sexy, want certain things sexually she won't agree to(or agree to anymore), still think they are 21 and fancy young women.

They are not bothered that they look ridiculous paying these much younger women. Even suggest these women save their marriage???hmmm

Good luck to the OP and well done. Its quite refreshing to hear you say it how it is, rather than the all the fawning done on punternet where the escorts claim to love what they do and enjoy sex with fat, smelly middle aged men!

carmen, love, please could you not type P*net in full, as it appears it's most prolific posters google for it's usage

we have been invaded by such twerps before, and it was not pretty

There's a far worse site than PN, set up by men who found PN too "pro pro$$ie", and like to "tell it as it is". That's a seriously gut-wrenching read.

Wow...I wish they would invade!

I can not believe the utter wankbags on that site!

"She acted like she was only there for the money...."

Are you kidding me?! WHAT THE FUCK WOULD SHE BE THERE FOR?

I am soooooooo beyond irritated right now. And sickened.

OldLadyKnowsNothing I know what site you mean - that was the one I got those quotes from earlier in the thread. The PN site, however disgusting is actually like fluffy bunnies and light reading compared to the other one. I actually physically vomited and started shaking once from reading a thread on there.

Yeah, vile, isn't it. And getting worse over time.

CY you don't, seriously

Don't tell me what the other site is please. I just don't want something like that in my life.

I was unaware of P*net until I came on MN, or even that there were men like that existed. It has never left me, I am sorry to say

Oh, no, no plans on naming them! There are others, too, PN was just the first Inthink.

I think, not inthink.

I've already asked most of the men I know, not so long ago, think averaged about 2 out of 10 admitted to having paid for sex so could possibly double that to be somewhere near actual number?

Find the entire thing utterly abhorrent and was encouraged to read similar views here - can't understand arguments in favour of decriminalisation or legalisation at all even if there might be case for safer working conditions short term or medium term, how can any civilised society condone the actions and attitudes of those men who pay for sex? (Obviously don't think the sale of sex should be criminalised.)

Think it was Teela Saunder's research that suggested about 8%.